I move at warp speed all the time. That is, until I completely and utterly shut down.
I shut down when I reach a physical or emotional overload. The problem is that often I trick myself into believing that I can just work through it–move faster until the threat of blowing a psychological gasket passes. It doesn’t work that way.
When I go into shutdown mode, I just stop. The world around me can just go to hell in a hand basket for all I care. Chores don’t get done, freelance work gets back burnered, the novel I’m working on goes untouched, the kids seem terribly frustrating and my husband… Well, I guess my husband is usually left with the responsibility to keep things moving until the smoke clears and I start functioning again.
Needless to say, it’s frustrating for everyone involved.
But the other night, I felt it coming–the crash and burn–and decided to do something about it. Everything was normal, but as I was trying to fall asleep, I started to cry and couldn’t stop.
Now I’m not an emotional crier–over the years I’ve built a handy fortress around my heart that keeps the pain out and the tears in. In fact, in recent years, I only really cry when I’m severely pissed off.
Regardless, I lay in bed, silently telling myself that I was being a totally hormonal ninny and to suck it up and get some sleep because I had a ton of crap to do in the morning. It didn’t work, and I started to cry harder.
So I took a sputtering breath and dragged my blubbering tearful self to the couch where I sat in the dark and sobbed for 40 minutes. I felt kind of silly. But then I felt better.
The next day, I woke up and realized that I needed to take some steps to de-stress and de-stress fast. I always know when a colleague of mine is having an especially crazy day because she puts on this instrumental relaxation music. It helps her. But me? Peaceful music makes me want to destroy things with a chain saw.
Basically, the act of relaxing freaks me out. Relaxing means I have less time to do everything I need to do. So the whole time I’m “relaxing” I’m actually spiking astronomical stress levels, which is freaking stressful.
At work, I decided to hop across the street to get some coffee. That’s when I found the answer–Green Ti Boutique and Massage in Wailuku. I decided to check it out.
As soon as I stepped inside, I felt that “Woo Sa” feeling, like I was in a happy, calm place. It was quiet, it smelled good and the woman behind the counter was serene and pretty.
I felt like it would almost be rude to be stressed out.
Starr Begley has recurrent sinus infections because she fell off her horse and onto her face 15 years ago. MTW