Everyone agrees: you move at your own speed when processing life’s events, and that’s usually a bit slower than the breakneck pace most of the rest of us pursue. You need to retreat into the safety of your shell and decide how best to react to the world, only emerging when you’re ready. Impatient, pushy people who won’t let that happen can cause problems. Let’s forgo those potential explosions, shall we? You need time? We’ll give it to you. All you need to do, in no uncertain terms, is ask.
LEO (JULY 23-AUG. 22)
Go ahead, peel up that carpet. See what’s underneath the dingy old thing. You might be disappointed at first by the crappy linoleum you find there. That’s why you should rip that shit up too. Don’t even stop at the much cooler retro print linoleum beneath that. Persist until you get to the gorgeous hardwood that’s been hidden for decades. It’s there, and worth getting to. Don’t waste time marveling at the idiots who first decided to cover that beauty in the first place. Just be glad someone—you—was smart and determined enough to uncover it again.
VIRGO (AUG. 23-SEPT. 22)
I’ve never actually met an insincere Virgo. You generally deal with people as they are, without putting too many filters or censors between what you think and the world. This is a good thing, and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. Please remember that when you receive advice to be more political this week. You’ll never be good at that shit, so I say don’t bother, especially when your beautiful, tactless authentic self is so much more appealing than any more diplomatic, edited version you could come up with.
LIBRA (SEPT. 23-OCT. 22)
In cities, people have a tendency to use public spaces as their living rooms. They deal with everything out in the open, whether it’s arguing with their lovers, popping zits, crying, making out or sometimes even having a pee. Privacy is sometimes such an unaffordable commodity that people learn to do without. What have you been going without, without noticing? You’re about to find out, when it suddenly reappears in your life. Will you make room for it, welcoming it back, and risk missing it if you ever lose it again? Or will you carry on, happily, as you have been?
SCORPIO (OCT. 23-NOV. 21)
Scorpios often go grey early. I think it’s the consequence of not shying away from extremes, especially within your own minds. This is nothing to be ashamed of. Our world would be so much cooler and more evolved if more people were willing to just go there. So don’t be ashamed if you’ve got these little physical indicators of your hard-won wisdom, or life forbid, dye them dark. Some of us are looking for just those signs. It’s how we recognize family.
SAGITTARIUS (NOV. 22-DEC. 21)
There are a thousand reasons why you shouldn’t just lay down and take it, but that still might be your best move anyway. After all, fighting the annoyances you’re facing would involve acknowledging them, thereby strengthening them and making them that much more difficult to defeat. Accepting your fate passively and peacefully takes a lot less effort on your part, and actually makes you that much harder to affect.
CAPRICORN (DEC. 22-JAN. 19)
Humankind has been using substances to alter their experience of life since before recorded history. But that doesn’t mean you need to be a slave to it, or anything else for that matter. I know you’re not a big fan of the cold turkey thing; most of the things you do, or the movements you make—in any direction—are done in increments. But because you’re kind of a slow mover and changer in general, you can all too easily get stuck without making anything happen at all. Break out of the rut. Even if you only do two things towards improving your situation, it’d help a little, and make the next two that much easier.
AQUARIUS (JAN. 20-FEB. 18)
There is such a thing as being too flip, you know. You attract people because of your easy good humor and laidback nature, and that’s great. What you might not know, however, is that you also put people off by your apparent inability to really get serious or heavy. But do you really want someone who desires intensity and passion writing you off because they don’t think they could get those things from you? Don’t you have them? The first step, of course, is finding someone to share them with, which means letting people know they’re available.
PISCES (FEB. 19-MARCH 20)
Sometimes you impress me, Pisces, with your incredible lack of judgment. Sometimes, of course, this is a dangerous or slightly negative thing. However, I believe it generates far more positive benefits, which is probably why you haven’t tried to become more cynical and discerning (unless you’ve been really badly burnt). However, every once in a while, even you get a little warning light behind your eyes about something or someone. You may not trust this rusty, infrequent warning signal, so I urge you to pick one of your most critical and shrewd friends (a Leo or a Scorpio, perhaps?) and see what they think.
ARIES (MARCH 21-APRIL 19)
Have another cookie, Aries. You need to indulge yourself just a little, this week, to distract from the bits of unpleasantness you also have to deal with. Sugar will help the medicine go down, as you know, and probably won’t do you much harm in the process. So don’t deprive yourself. It’s important that you don’t shy away from all the lame shit that you’ve just got to do this week; if you leave it untended it’ll just snowball and become something monstrous and truly overwhelming. Mix in some treats and reward yourself, often, for just rolling up your sleeves and taking care of business, even when it sucks.
TAURUS (APRIL 20-MAY 20)
You don’t often go into total hermit mode, but when you do, it can sometimes seem tricky how to get out of it. Playing catch-up with all your neglected friends and fam is exhausting; it might wear you out and send you right back into isolation before it’s half-done. I say get that shit out of the way, fast. Have a party. Invite everyone over. This week’s the best time to do it. Go on, what are you waiting for? You’ve got to get those invites out, buy some goodies and some booze, and then just wait for all that long-absent love to roll in.
GEMINI (MAY 21-JUNE 20)
You’re like a complicated city; beneath your surface tunnels connect everything to everything else. Given enough time, you can draw lines between obscure and wildly different ideas and virtual destinations. It’s actually this talent that you’ll be called upon to wield this week, as people need to find ways to connect to other people or ideas that they’d normally not have access to. We’re counting on your odd, overactive mind to build the bridges we need to go the places we want to go. Not only will it solidify your rep as everyone’s go-to guy/gal, but it’ll make your world better, too.