What are you blaming me for? You think I just started up all by myself, busted out of my owner’s garage and then drove five miles down the road and then decided to pull over and then set my own engine block on fire?
Hello! I’m just a regular, run-of-the-mill sedan with jacked up seats, no front end at all, a less than completely intact engine and no license plates. I can’t just drive myself anywhere. But you see, my owner can. Did I mention he’s a crackhead? And an idiot?
Anyway, last week one of the many voices in his head told him that I was possessed by demons, so he decided the best course of action was to dump me by the side of the road. Did you ever stop to think that maybe guys like him are the actual problem?
I’m sorry, do I sound cranky? Maybe it’s because someone came by last night and threw a rock through my windshield, smashing it into a million frickin’ pieces.
Hold on, some guy’s walking by with a tire iron and a brick… Oh hell, he’s stealing my left rear wheel, which also happens to be my last wheel. What the hell is he going to do with just one wheel?
Anyway, where was I? Oh yeah, cursing jackasses like you. You know what’s a blight on this island? Busybody jerks who run around whining about nonsense while totally ignoring serious societal problems. I’d cry for you, except that yahoo who threw a rock at me also took out the windshield wipers and cleaner. MTW