Sagittarius (Nov. 22-Dec. 21) Lately you’ve felt as lacking in vocabulary as the family dog. You’ve tried your damnedest to communicate what you’ve been feeling, nonverbally, but it’s not coming across. Whenever you’ve attempted to actually speak, you’ve felt desperately at a loss for words. Quit panting and wagging your tail. No one’s getting it. […]
Your Horoscope
Aquarius (Jan. 20-Feb. 18) Let it get scary. I know, scary doesn’t exactly fit in with your view of a harmonious and sweet life. But it should; because when things start getting really close and really real, they also get at least a little terrifying. Don’t settle for mediocre pleasantry, not when the real deal […]
Your Horoscope
Aquarius (Jan. 20-Feb. 18) You’re such a slut. Your actual sexual activity is irrelevant here; I’m referring to your social butterflyism, which has multiplied to truly shocking proportions. I’m surprised you can spare a minute between phone calls, appointments, lunch meetings, texts, and emails to even read this horoscope. Don’t worry, I’m not going to […]
Your Horoscope
Capricorn (Dec. 22-Jan. 19) Don’t gild the lily. In case you’re not familiar with that lovely phrase, it refers to unnecessarily adding ornamentation to something that’s already beautiful. To do so actually insults and detracts from the beauty that’s already there. True artistry is sometimes about knowing when to stop, when enough is enough. Unfortunately, […]
Your Horoscope
Sagittarius (Nov. 22-Dec. 21) Occasionally, I suffer from hypermanifestation: I can hardly mention something without it entering my life. I made an allusion to a skunk, and hours later I came face to stink-hole with one. I briefly recalled (aloud) a momentary encounter with someone and suddenly, he appeared. My best response to this condition […]
Your Horoscope
Scorpio (Oct. 23-Nov. 21) It’s rare when affairs of the heart fall in line with those of the brain. That is, we can often tell what’s best for ourselves, but fail to follow it. You know how it goes: “If only I could fall in love with so and so; they adore me!” This week, […]
Your Horoscope
Scorpio (Oct. 23-Nov. 21) You’re not a cold person, even though some see you that way. I’d argue that you burn hotter than most. Antares, the red supergiant star that forms the heart of the Scorpio constellation, is about 700 times the diameter of our sun. If our sun were that big, it’d engulf most […]
Your Horoscope
Taurus (April 20-May 20) Some windfalls must be rejected on ethical grounds (like when you find someone’s wallet, for example), but no one reasonable would really question your right to keep a lone $100 bill you found on the street. When pure, blind, wonderful luck blows in your direction, accept it with grateful, joyful equanimity […]