Gemini (May 21-June 20) Self-imposed limits or restrictions are rarely as strict or immutable as people publicly pretend. Given the opportunity to try something they’ve been curious about, with no consequences, and assured that no one would ever know… well, most people would give it a go. Moral, ethical, and practical considerations don’t really weigh […]
Sign Language: It’s OK to be bitchy this week, Virgo
Taurus (April 20-May 20) Notice how much you’re complaining this week. Don’t bother assessing whether you have valid reasons to complain (you do), but simply look at how much you’re kvetching. At some point, it doesn’t matter how legitimate your beefs are. If people are sick of hearing you gripe about them, your complaints are […]
Sign Language: The Force is not with you this week, Sagittarius
Taurus (April 20-May 20) What do you do when you throw your heart into something, and all you get back is derision, sarcasm, and spite? While some enlightened part of you may recognize that the negativity coming your way has its roots in jealousy, insecurity, and some people’s built-in defense mechanisms, that doesn’t stop it […]
Sign Language: Chill, Aquarius
Taurus (April 20-May 20) It’s said that you can never go home again. Obviously, unless your hometown was destroyed in a fire, you can go home again. What’s virtually impossible to capture is the feeling you had when you actually lived there. This week, however, you could come close, if you wanted to. You could […]
Sign Language: Rise above average, Aquarius
Taurus (April 20-May 20) For some people, the best part of sex is the intimacy that can follow the act. Barriers go down (if only temporarily), and they can enjoy each other in ways that aren’t possible at any other time. This is the kind of openness you should strive for this week, especially when […]
Sign Language: Bask in the fandom this week, Cancer
Aries (March 21-April 19) While it might not always be your number one purpose to create more joy and beauty in people’s lives, please make it so this week. Why you? First off, you’re especially good at it, when you’ve a mind to be. Second, it’ll be a blast. Third, what else have you got […]
Sign Language: This week is like sex on the beach, Virgo…
Aries (March 21-April 19) Your life this week will be like a badly-designed roller coaster; the ride is over just as it’s getting good. You’ve barely uttered your first whoop of delight when suddenly you’re pulling into the boarding area and someone else is waiting to take your seat. There’s not much you can do […]
Sign Language: Time to meddle, Sagittarius
Aries (March 21-April 19) Finally, the spotlight is on you! Don’t blink, or you might miss it, though. Also, don’t look or listen behind you, or you might notice the handful of asses in the wings booing and jeering and doing their very best to salt your game. This is your very brief but glorious […]
Sign Language: First thought, best thought, Virgo
Aries (March 21-April 19) You’re one of the least conflicted people around. This is not to say you don’t have internal dichotomies, or that you never have trouble making up your mind. It’s just that figuring out what you want is easier for you than for most people, and deciding on which side of any […]
Sign Language: Randomness is goodness, Libra
Aries (March 21-April 19) You’d like to think that your past lovers sometimes wake up in the morning and think about you, just like you do them. They probably do, though they’d never admit it. The thing is, when people are done with you, they’re done with you for good, usually. They never forget you, […]
Sign Language: A boob job isn’t this week’s answer, Leo
Pisces (Feb. 19-March 20) Your intuition is so often spot-on that you’ve learned to trust it implicitly. This, however, can occasionally lead you far astray; although it’s frequently accurate, it’s hardly infallible. Treating it as such, especially this week, could get you into serious trouble, because for once you’re just plain wrong. I know, it’s […]
Sign Language: Knock some skulls this week, Gemini
Pisces (Feb. 19-March 20) Your unpredictability is what makes you exciting, but also frustrating. Take this week, for instance. How is anyone supposed to guess how you’ll react to this new situation? There are times when you desperately avoid trying anything new, and other chapters where all you want to do is try new things […]
Sign Language: Bind your hands if that’s what it takes, Taurus
Pisces (Feb. 19-March 20) Even you, with your above-average levels of patience and compassion, may find yourself tested this week. Even you can only take so much shit before you explode. Unfortunately, because you’re used to insensitive bores, and abnormally tolerant of them, you haven’t developed your brush-off and evasion skills as well as some […]
Sign Language: Be a secret admirer this week, Cancer
Pisces (Feb. 19-March 20) Allow yourself to fall in love with humanity. Make our flaws and foibles as likely to elicit giddy stomach butterflies as our more noble virtues. It should be easy for you, because compassion is second nature to you fish. Sanguine acceptance of all that we are, as a race, is going […]
Sign Language: Own your fetish, you strange Pisces
Aquarius (Jan. 20-Feb. 18) If a song gets stuck in your head this week, don’t share it. Grit your teeth and keep the thing to yourself. You’re likely to get infected with persistent memes you just can’t get rid of right now, like tricky, antibiotic-resistant infections. It’ll take a tremendous effort of conscious will to […]
Sign Language: Call the Ghostbusters, Cancer
Aquarius (Jan. 20-Feb. 18) Don’t look at not being included in something as being deliberately left out, or as anything personal. There are probably many other factors you may not be aware of or that you’re deliberately blinding yourself to. You can go ahead and see this as a personal slight, but you’d only be […]
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