Leo (July 23-Aug. 22) It’s not healthy for Leos to practice any serious self-deprivation; it runs contrary to your nature. You know that life is short and that treating yourself is essential to self-care and your daily well-being. However, it’s perfectly okay – and in fact, a good exercise to strengthen your willpower, resolve, and […]
Sign Language: Come out of the shadows, Pisces
Leo (July 23-Aug. 22) Ask a Taurus to kick it into high gear and you’ll notice a slight increase in speed. Leos, however, have the ability, shared by all three fire signs, to really turn up the volume and get shit done. You may not be able to achieve the supernova hotness of an Aries […]
Sign Language: Own your weirdness, Sagittarius!
Leo (July 23-Aug. 22) Worse than cheating in general is trying to cheat, still losing, and then getting caught (and subsequently humiliated). That, my friend, is the lame scenario you’re eligible for this week, should you stray from the rules you agreed to. Is that really how you want to spend your birthday season? It’s […]
Sign Language: Do your detective work, Pisces
Cancer (June 21-July 22) If you were creating a road from scratch to connect points A and B, you could of course just draw a straight line between the two, and simply blast the shit out of anything in your way. The result would be a very efficient highway, but at what cost? The other […]
Sign Language: Life isn’t a smutty romance novel, Capricorn
Cancer (June 21-July 22) People are moody. You, of all people, should understand that and cut everyone some slack this week. Whether it’s righteous fury at the state of the world, because someone else was petty to them and they’re just paying it forward, try to let it slide. Don’t allow it to transform you […]
Sign Language: You’re not a tree, Scorpio. Act like it.
Cancer (June 21-July 22) Being a good person – even a saintly one – doesn’t exempt you from unjust bullshit. Things happen to you regardless of whether you deserve them, or any notion of fairness. Someone who’s less obsessed with their own virtue might react to those events with a shrug, thinking, “It’s about time,” […]
Sign Language: You can’t just stop milking the cow, Taurus!
Cancer (June 21-July 22) Never underestimate anyone’s capacity to self-delude. Many people expertly rewrite reality in their own minds to suit whatever outlandish notions appeal to them. Give them the slightest bit of wiggle room and they’ll stretch it into a mansion of glorious self-deception. In this case, it’s probably better to not let them […]
Sign Language: How about just not snorting anything, Sagittarius?
Gemini (May 21-June 20) There are two main methods of losing weight: eating less and exercising more. Common sense dictates that the most viable and sustainable strategy is a combination of the two – moderate physical activity coupled with a modest reduction of food intake. And yet you are so attached to extreme solutions that […]
Sign Language: No dumping, Virgo
Gemini (May 21-June 20) Here you go. What do you mean, “what is it?” It’s an invisible jet, of course. Yes, I know you’ll look ridiculous flying around in it. Does that mean you don’t want it? If possibly embarrassing yourself will keep you from exercising every resource at your disposal, you might as well […]
Sign Language: Time for a heart-to-heart, Libra
Gemini (May 21-June 20) A friend of mine recently described someone we know as a “killjoy.” I hadn’t thought about it that way, but I had to admit that the label fit perfectly. Now, no one sets out to make everyone around them miserable. But some people get so caught up in their negative take […]
Sign Language: Just accept it Libra, there are no robots with working genitalia
Gemini (May 21-June 20) So much of what happens to you is purely the result of your own expectations. If you decide that every Monday is stressful and crazy, then your experience of each and every Monday will be exactly that. While naturally there’s a basis for your opinion (perhaps there is more work to […]
Sign Language: Make a friend, Leo
Gemini (May 21-June 20) Self-imposed limits or restrictions are rarely as strict or immutable as people publicly pretend. Given the opportunity to try something they’ve been curious about, with no consequences, and assured that no one would ever know… well, most people would give it a go. Moral, ethical, and practical considerations don’t really weigh […]
Sign Language: It’s OK to be bitchy this week, Virgo
Taurus (April 20-May 20) Notice how much you’re complaining this week. Don’t bother assessing whether you have valid reasons to complain (you do), but simply look at how much you’re kvetching. At some point, it doesn’t matter how legitimate your beefs are. If people are sick of hearing you gripe about them, your complaints are […]
Sign Language: The Force is not with you this week, Sagittarius
Taurus (April 20-May 20) What do you do when you throw your heart into something, and all you get back is derision, sarcasm, and spite? While some enlightened part of you may recognize that the negativity coming your way has its roots in jealousy, insecurity, and some people’s built-in defense mechanisms, that doesn’t stop it […]
Sign Language: Chill, Aquarius
Taurus (April 20-May 20) It’s said that you can never go home again. Obviously, unless your hometown was destroyed in a fire, you can go home again. What’s virtually impossible to capture is the feeling you had when you actually lived there. This week, however, you could come close, if you wanted to. You could […]
Sign Language: Rise above average, Aquarius
Taurus (April 20-May 20) For some people, the best part of sex is the intimacy that can follow the act. Barriers go down (if only temporarily), and they can enjoy each other in ways that aren’t possible at any other time. This is the kind of openness you should strive for this week, especially when […]
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