Aries (March 21-April 19) You’d like to think that your past lovers sometimes wake up in the morning and think about you, just like you do them. They probably do, though they’d never admit it. The thing is, when people are done with you, they’re done with you for good, usually. They never forget you, […]
Sign Language: A boob job isn’t this week’s answer, Leo
Pisces (Feb. 19-March 20) Your intuition is so often spot-on that you’ve learned to trust it implicitly. This, however, can occasionally lead you far astray; although it’s frequently accurate, it’s hardly infallible. Treating it as such, especially this week, could get you into serious trouble, because for once you’re just plain wrong. I know, it’s […]
Sign Language: Knock some skulls this week, Gemini
Pisces (Feb. 19-March 20) Your unpredictability is what makes you exciting, but also frustrating. Take this week, for instance. How is anyone supposed to guess how you’ll react to this new situation? There are times when you desperately avoid trying anything new, and other chapters where all you want to do is try new things […]
Sign Language: Bind your hands if that’s what it takes, Taurus
Pisces (Feb. 19-March 20) Even you, with your above-average levels of patience and compassion, may find yourself tested this week. Even you can only take so much shit before you explode. Unfortunately, because you’re used to insensitive bores, and abnormally tolerant of them, you haven’t developed your brush-off and evasion skills as well as some […]
Sign Language: Be a secret admirer this week, Cancer
Pisces (Feb. 19-March 20) Allow yourself to fall in love with humanity. Make our flaws and foibles as likely to elicit giddy stomach butterflies as our more noble virtues. It should be easy for you, because compassion is second nature to you fish. Sanguine acceptance of all that we are, as a race, is going […]
Sign Language: Own your fetish, you strange Pisces
Aquarius (Jan. 20-Feb. 18) If a song gets stuck in your head this week, don’t share it. Grit your teeth and keep the thing to yourself. You’re likely to get infected with persistent memes you just can’t get rid of right now, like tricky, antibiotic-resistant infections. It’ll take a tremendous effort of conscious will to […]
Sign Language: Call the Ghostbusters, Cancer
Aquarius (Jan. 20-Feb. 18) Don’t look at not being included in something as being deliberately left out, or as anything personal. There are probably many other factors you may not be aware of or that you’re deliberately blinding yourself to. You can go ahead and see this as a personal slight, but you’d only be […]
Sign Language: You’ve already done the time, Libra. Time for a clean slate
Aquarius (Jan. 20-Feb. 18) Because you’re gifted with a keen sense of fairness, it especially hurts when you get shafted, particularly if it’s because of stupidity or shortsightedness. It’s likely to be very hard for you to forgive or forget this shit, even if there’s some effort made to make things right, but nevertheless that’s […]
Sign Language: This week just avoid the drama, Leo
Aquarius (Jan. 20-Feb. 18) Don’t invest too much meaning into what are almost certainly random coincidences. I’m quite fond of drawing connections between things that seem to be related, and reading between the lines of regular life. But sometimes shit happens just because it happens, and it doesn’t mean anything in particular. Making a big […]
Sign Language: Tact is for the weak, Scorpio!
Capricorn (Dec. 22-Jan. 19) You probably feel slightly abandoned and left out in the cold. That’s because you have been, but don’t take it too hard. It’s not that you don’t have supporters, it’s that they’ve dropped the ball on rallying to your aid. They will, eventually – probably as soon as next week. When […]
Sign Language: Say yes this week, Leo
Capricorn (Dec. 22-Jan. 19) Things have gotten much too complicated to bother with anymore, haven’t they? Why not just throw your hands in the air, let it go, and walk away? Screw that. Let’s not forget the fact that this situation won’t disappear that easily. Let’s also recall that a while back you decided (correctly) […]
Sign Language: You might have to lose to win, Scorpio
Capricorn (Dec. 22-Jan. 19) Some rules are made to be bent or broken – but only by experts. No rule is sacrosanct; if you’re good enough, you can swim against the current and still end up getting farther faster than those who choose to go with the flow. This requires insane amounts of cunning, charm, […]
Sign Language: Don’t even bother with the Pisces in your life
Capricorn (Dec. 22-Jan. 19) When we punish others, be they children, employees, or lovers, the main intention is to try to get them to avoid certain undesirable behavior in the future. So many of the things we inflict by way of disciplinary instruction miss the mark, leaving the person wondering what they did wrong, with […]
Sign Language: This is the week to generate positivity, Capricorn
Sagittarius (Nov. 22-Dec. 21) While it might be exhilarating to go motorcycle riding without a helmet, it’s also incredibly reckless. I hope you’re past that kind of obvious stupidity. How about the less obvious kind, though? You’re treading dangerously close to territory that’s nearly as foolhardy as naked biking in fresh snow; even though it […]
Sign Language: If they’re rolling their eyes, it’s time to reassess, Pisces
Sagittarius (Nov. 22-Dec. 21) You’ll make mistakes all your life. That’s part of what life is. Some people react to their mishaps poorly. This is how people get convinced that they’re born losers with rotten luck. Others, however, choose to learn from their errors and avoid making them again. Even a relatively stupid creature, like […]
Sign Language: Be like a perfectly toasted marshmallow this week, Virgo
Sagittarius (Nov. 22-Dec. 21) It might sound weird, but words and ideas have more power than almost any other tool you can wield. Changing the way someone thinks (and, therefore, acts) is an incredible way to transform your world. You know all this already, and you’re probably prepared to brandish your thought-weapons any second. This […]
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