1. When he received an email saying, “My eyes must certainly be deceiving me. You look fabulous—and I’m not talking the makeup!” during the rough times of Hurricane Katrina, then-FEMA head Michael Brown emailed back…
a) “Not now, I’m trying to rescue a stranded family and their three cats.”
b) “I got it at Nordsstroms [sic]. Email McBride and make sure she knows! Are you proud of me? Can I quit now? Can I go home?”
c) “This is a time of national emergency. Please restrict your future emails to work-related topics only.”
2. When he read in the Washington Post that the CIA is holding an unknown number of terror suspects in secret prisons throughout Eastern Europe, Republican U.S. Majority Leader Bill Frist…
a) Said that he wasn’t concerned “about what goes on” in the prisons but thought the unnamed CIA sources for the story were a far greater threat to national security.
b) Said he was outraged that the U.S. would stoop to using former Soviet gulag prisons and would immediately hold hearings to find out how this could happen.
c) Said he never believes anything he reads in the Washington Post.
3. Reporter Judith Miller recently retired from The New York Times because…
a) She got a better offer to become the new editor of Women’s Wear Daily.
b) The paper finally decided that she—who wrote story after story in 2002 and 2003 proclaiming that Saddam Hussein had huge stockpiles of nuclear, chemical and biological weapons—wasn’t up to the Times’ standards.
c) She got tired of dealing with pesky questions from her editors about who her sources were and whether they were telling the truth.
d) Well, no one really knows why she retired because she and her bosses have said so many conflicting things about her work that it’s impossible to tell what’s true anymore.
4. Karl Rove is…
a) The real power and brain behind George W. Bush.
b) A kinda fat guy with a big doughy face and a tendency to get right-wing lunatics elected to public office.
c) If there’s any justice left in Washington, the guy who’s going to get his ass indicted pretty soon for leaking that CIA chick’s name to the press in an attempt to smear her husband for daring to tell the world that Iraq hadn’t tried to buy 500 tons of enriched uranium from Niger.
d) All of the above.
5. The U.S. Senate went into secret closed session on Nov. 1 of this year because…
a) Bill Frist wanted to distribute naked pictures of a certain recently nominated Supreme Court candidate who shall remain nameless.
b) Democrats finally want to get to the bottom of that whole Iraqi war thing.
c) How the hell do I know? It was a secret.
6. Of the following, which one serenaded the International Space Station last week?
a) Incubus singing “Stellar.”
b) Paul McCartney singing “English Tea.”
c) James Taylor singing “You’ve got a friend.”
ANSWERS: 1, b; 2, a; 3, d; 4, d; 5, c; 6, b.