Few among us ever get so lucky that they can taste—really taste—the sweetness of victory. Eisenhower tasted it in ‘45 when the Nazis surrendered. The Boston Red Sox tasted it last year when they finally won a post-1919 World Series. And the miniature poodle Fontclair Festoon tasted it by winning Best in Show at the 1959 Westminster Dog Show.
And now I’ve tasted it.
As a direct result of the intrepid reporting of this newspaper, the Maui County Department of Liquor Control will no longer print jokes—involving dumb blondes who try to repair their dented car by blowing into the tailpipe or not—in the newsletter it sends out twice a year to liquor establishments.
Please hold your applause until the end of the column.
Acting on a tip from a concerned citizen, Maui Time Weekly chased the LC joke story with unwavering vigor. After first obtaining a copy of the June newsletter Booze Clues—I think I just asked someone at the LC for a copy, and he gave it me—I analyzed the joke in question for signs of insensitivity, eroticism and lameness.
As a service to our readers, we reprinted the joke in our June 23, 2005 issue. Apparently, that was too much for one person.
“People enjoyed the newsletter,” Silva told the LC’s Board of Adjudication on July 7, 2005, just moments before dropping his bombshell. “[But] we got one complaint on the joke. Somebody read it in the Maui Times [sic] and complained.”
As a result, Silva informed the board, it’s all strictly business in the newsletters now. But even at this late hour, with shame and defeat staring him in the face, Silva would not repent.
“I thought it was pretty safe,” he said. “Most of them [the jokes] come from Readers’ Digest.”