WEDNESDAY, Nov. 14
Judge Joseph Cardoza lifting the injunction on the Superferry, allowing it to sail back to Maui in as little as two weeks? Didn’t surprise me a bit. Another judge ruling that O.J. Simpson has to stand trial for alleged conspiracy, robbery, kidnapping and assault with a deadly weapon? I’m not even close to shocked. But news that Hawai‘i has the sixth highest Chlamydia rate in the nation? Okay, that threw me. But it’s true: according to today’s Honolulu Star-Bulletin, the Chlamydia rate in Hawai‘i is 435.1 cases for every 100,000 people. Now the only states with worse Chlamydia rates than Hawai‘i are Alaska, Mississippi, South Carolina, New Mexico and Alabama. What naughty states! Now I can understand us and Alaskastates, really, about 10-20 years behind the times in just about everything. But of the remaining four states, three are in the Bible Belt. That’s right—the Bible-thumping, abstinence-preaching, fundamentalist Christian Deep South has a little problem with sexually transmitted diseases. Will someone please refresh my memory and explain to me why we fought the Civil War?
THURSDAY, Nov. 15
The docking barge used by the Hawai`i Superferry in Kahului Harbor is loose! And it’s coming this way! Oh my God, here it comes! It’s going to kill us all—oh wait, it’s all tied up now again. Man, was that ever close… Anyway, local Superferry activists were emailing me all day about this, calling it karma, and I suppose it is: last night, waves actually broke loose that giant gray floating barge thing that the Superferry will use whenever it starts coming to Maui again and banged it around. The damage is apparently slight—just a few scratches and minor cracks—and the thing will undoubtedly be repaired by the time the Superferry returns. Now I’m not saying that an Environmental Impact Study would have long ago determined that winter storm surge coming into Kahului Harbor will play havoc with the floating barge—actually, I guess I am saying that.
FRIDAY, Nov. 16
Hey, if we’re going keep Barry Bonds out of the Baseball Hall of Fame over this steroids perjury indictment thing, how about tossing out all the other players who did drugs, cheated on their taxes, drank to excess, beat their wives, killed people, assaulted handicapped dudes in the stands or just benefited in some way from the owners’ decades of racist collusion that barred blacks from the majors? That should leave… um… Clemente and Robinson? Sounds fair to me.
SATURDAY, Nov. 17
So the new date is Saturday, Dec. 1. That’s when John Garibaldi, commodore of the vast fleet of Superferries (yes, they have only one boat right now, but every vast fleet has to start somewhere…), says his company will be starting Oahu to Maui runs again. Assuming they can get that big gray floating barge thing to stay tied up when the surf rolls into the harbor. And that Superferry opponents actually took Mayor Charmaine Tavares seriously when she warned that we need to “remain civil”—politician-speak for “stay the hell out of the water when this floating monument to fat-cat influence enters the harbor.” Garibaldi and his minions seem pretty confident about being able to get in and out of Kahului with no problem, but they’re taking no risks where Kauai is concerned. In fact, they freely admit they won’t return to Kauai waters until they’ve made peace with the locals. “We have already begun community outreach efforts on Kaua‘i,” Garibaldi said in a press release sent out yesterday by the high-powered PR firm McNeil Wilson, which—at least in theory—has been doing “community outreach” for the last year. “We will make our decision about when we commence our Kauai service once that process is completed.” Wow—I had no idea “community outreach” could be “completed.”
SUNDAY, Nov. 18
Now Molokai Ranch—those guys could really benefit from some of that “community outreach.” On Friday, the ranch actually withdrew its 3,000-page Environmental Impact Statement (EIS) for its proposed luxury development of La`au Point, saying they wanted to revise the document and respond to local criticisms of the project. What’s more, they did this during a contentious state Land Use Commission hearing. Man, Molokai Ranch is run by a bunch of chumps. Who needs to do an EIS anymore? Here’s where the Superferry will show all the state’s big landowners and developers the way: just pay off (whoops! I mean “contribute to the campaigns of”) a few key state legislators—and the governor! Don’t forget the governor!—and you can kiss that pesky EIS thing goodbye. Sure the state Supreme Court may step in at the behest of a few meddling know-it-all residents, but I’m sure your new friends in state government will find a way to rescue you.
MONDAY, Nov. 19
Dedicated Maui Time reader/loon Kurt Butler already has a rant in this week’s paper, but this gem he sent today deserves special play: “This is far too important to let slide,” Butler wrote. “In your rave review of The Fat Carnivores’ Delight restaurant [that would be Fat Daddy’s Smokehouse, Nov. 15, 2007] you wrote, ‘Though the ribs are typically slathered—there is no other proper adjective—with thick sauce…’ Here’s the problem: are you certain that “slathered” is an adjective? It could be a verb, past tense, intransitive. I think this is yet another example of your ongoing egregious journalistic incompetence and irresponsibility. You are sabotaging the language that is the lifeblood of your craft. I have lodged a complaint with the American Journalists Association.” Now I’m not worried about the AJA (my dues are all paid up) but my use of the word “adjective”when I wanted to write “verb?” Unconscionable.
TUESDAY, Nov. 20
Looks like county Water Director Jeff Eng’s panties aren’t in that much of a bind anymore. That’s because, according to yesterday’s Maui News, county residents have “stabilized” their water use. Good for us! But be warned: further drought could be just around the corner. “[T]he reduction in demand does not mean reducing the need to conserve,” Eng warned in the News story. Still, Eng is not a water conservation machine. “The department appreciates everyone’s continuing efforts to conserve water and to control their discretionary usage.” Now if only the county itself felt that way when it came to approving new residential and commercial development projects.
Anthony Pignataro wants to know how the term “power nap” became acceptable. MTW