1. Director Frank Silva – The obvious choice, Silva heads up the department and embodies its capricious philosophy. Plus, he once used the “I know it when I see it” defense with a straight face.
2. Chief Enforcement Officer Bill Pacheco – The strong, silent type, Pacheco rarely speaks at meetings except the fun part at the beginning where everyone goes around and says their name. He’s also in charge of the boots on the ground, which is where a lot of trouble arises.
3. Adjudication Board Chair Donald Fujii – Fujii is actually a pretty levelheaded, soft-spoken guy, who frequently tries to calm down his more strident colleagues. He also uttered one of the biggest whoppers ever told in the LC’s chambers when he informed the manager of an establishment brought up on minor decoy charges that the board isn’t “in the business of closing anybody at any time.”
4. Commission member Arsene “Blackie” Gadarian – As this column has noted before, Gadarian is always good for a quote—but the quotes aren’t always good. Like in 2007, when he told Maui Dance Advocates—a grassroots group comprised of two young men, one of whom is wheelchair-bound—that they could “find another island” if they didn’t like the LC’s ridiculous, antiquated dancing rules.
5. Adjudication Board member Joe Tanaka – Never afraid to speak up even when he has nothing to say, Tanaka has shown a consistent, almost willfull ignorance of the substance he’s tasked with regulating, frequently asking cringe-inducing questions like whether Jagermeister contains alcohol (which he’s done at least twice in LC Watch history). Maui Time Weekly, Jacob Shafer