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Ellenbeth Wachs, 48, was arrested in Lakeland, Florida, in May on a complaint that she “simulated” a sex act in front of a minor. In a March incident, Wachs, after receiving medication for her multiple sclerosis, was awakened at 8:30am by her 10-year-old neighbor boy’s clamorous basketball game, near Wachs’s window. After unsuccessfully beseeching the boy for quiet, Wachs—hoping, perhaps, to make a point about noisy neighbors—began moaning out the window (while remaining out of sight), “Oh, John! Oh, John!” over and over at increased shrillness as if in the throes of orgasm. The basketball-playing stopped, but the incident was not a teaching moment. The boy’s father, Otto Lehman, called the police and filed for an order of protection against Wachs.
AND BRUTALITY IS ‘ENHANCED FORCE’
The Sergeants Benevolent Association, fighting back in April against corruption charges (namely that its NYPD officers often “fix” traffic tickets for celebrities, high officials and selected “friends”) claimed in a recorded message reported in The New York Times that such fixes are merely “courtesy,” not corruption.
TERRORISM IS AS TERRORISM DOES
An anti-terrorism drill scheduled for Pottawattamie County, Iowa, in March, which was to practice community co-ordination after an attack by a hypothetical white supremacist group angry about illegal immigration, had to be canceled. The sheriff said callers claiming to be white supremacists were angry at being picked on as “terrorists” and threatened a school in Treynor, Iowa, with an attack that closely resembled the kind of imagined attack that would have preceded the simulated drill.
CRAPPY SERVICE
In April, officials in the northern Swedish city of Angermanland temporarily shut down the operator of a colonic cleansing service, and issued fines because it was not up to code. It had insufficient restroom facilities, thus requiring some of its clients to cleanse their colons in front of other clients.
INCOMPETENT CRIMINALS
(1) Joseph Price, 61, left the PNC Bank in Okeechobee, Florida, empty-handed on May 6 despite having passed the teller a note demanding a “sack full of cash.” Price hadn’t brought a sack with him, and the teller said she didn’t have one, either. He was arrested seven minutes after leaving the bank. (2) Joseph Brice, 21, of Clarkston, Washington, was indicted in May on one count of having manufactured a bomb in 2010. Brice inadvertently called attention to himself by ordering his bomb components under the name “Timothy McVeigh.” ■
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