By the Editors at Andrews McMeel
Odessa, Texas, resident Ernesto Baeza Acosta, 34, has legally changed his name to Ernesto Trump and declared himself the son of President Trump. His NSFW Facebook page features photographs of Ernesto wearing a Trump-like wig and asks viewers to “Please share this so that my Dad your president can see this and spend time with me.” Ernesto is a fan of President Trump, but his immigrant mother is unamused about his name change.
Alana Nicole Donahue, 27, of Springfield, Oregon, just wanted to entertain her children and nephew with a joy ride around the neighborhood. But on July 12, as she pulled the kids (ages 2, 4 and 8) behind her Ford Taurus in a plastic red wagon, she was arrested for reckless endangerment. Donahue told police she was just “showing the kids a good time.” However, horrified witnesses saw the car going about 30 mph as the wagon went up on two wheels going around a busy traffic circle at rush hour.
UNCLEAR ON THE CONCEPT
David Blackmon identified himself as a drug dealer when he called the Okaloosa (Florida) County Sheriff’s Office on July 16 to report that $50 in cash and a quarter-ounce of cocaine had been stolen from his car. When officers investigated, they found a baggie with “suspected cocaine,” a crack pipe and a crack rock in the car. Blackmon was charged with possession of cocaine and drug paraphernalia.
Everett Lee Compton Jr., 49, told Siloam Springs, Arkansas, police that marijuana “makes him do sick things” after they apprehended him for abusing female donkeys. The donkeys’ owners, Emert and Joyce Whitaker, had set up a surveillance camera and recorded Compton on three occasions putting a bag over a donkey’s head and placing his pelvis against its rear end. “It just made me sick to my stomach,” said Joyce Whitaker. “To know that she couldn’t tell nobody and that she was having to go through this.”
TECHNOLOGY RUN AMOK
A security robot named Steve suffered a soggy fatal error on July 17 when it tumbled down several steps and into a fountain in Washington, D.C. New to the job, the robot had been patrolling the Washington Harbour area of Georgetown, mapping out its features in an effort to prevent just such an accident. “He looked so happy and healthy,” an area mourner tweeted after the incident. Another observer was less sympathetic. “Robots: 0; humans: 1,” he tweeted.
THE PINK PANTHER, HE AIN’T
Police in Wayne County, North Carolina, are looking for a careless cat burglar who keeps waking people up as he robs them. At least one victim awakened by the slender white man in early July has seen him wearing a pink polka-dot beach towel around his head. Police aren’t sure if he’s actually gotten away with any loot.
THE ANIMAL KINGDOM
An African grey parrot named Bud may have been the key witness in convicting 49-year-old Glenna Duram of White Cloud, Michigan, in the shooting death of her husband, Martin Duram, 46. The investigation of the 2015 shooting dragged on for a year before Martin’s first wife, who inherited the parrot, shared with a local TV station a videotape of Bud imitating two people having an argument, including the words “Don’t (expletive) shoot.” Three weeks later, Glenna Duram was arrested and charged with first-degree murder, and on July 19, she was found guilty.
Two AT&T utility workers apparently didn’t work fast enough on lines outside the home of Jorge Jove, 64, of Hialeah, Florida, on July 19. After confronting the workers, Jove went back into his house, came out carrying a gun and began shooting at the AT&T trucks, deflating the tires. Jove reloaded twice and shot at the trucks’ engines before aiming at Gilberto Ramos, a service worker who was up on a utility pole. Jove was charged with aggravated assault with a deadly weapon.
MOVE OVER, MACE
Women in China are buying “anti-pervert flamethrowers” that can be carried discreetly in a handbag and launch a scorching rebuff up to 50cm (about 20 inches) when needed. Chinese police have warned that the devices are illegal, but one vendor called them a “legal, non-lethal tool.”