In September, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, noting a recent uptick in cases of “live-poultry-associated salmonella,” repeated its earlier (apparently largely ignored) alert that people should not be kissing chickens (or ducks or turkeys). CDC noted the recent popularity of urban egg farming, but reminded “hipster” farmers and faddish pet patrons that cuddling the animals, or bringing the little darlings into the home (even those that appear clean and friendly), can spread dangerous bacteria for which humans are unprepared.
A recent working paper by two Louisiana State University economists revealed that the state’s juvenile court judges dole out harsher sentences on weeks following a loss by the LSU football team (among those judges who matriculated at LSU). The differences in sentences were particularly stark in those seasons that LSU’s team was nationally ranked. (All sentences from 1996 to 2012 were examined, for first-time juvenile offenders, except for murder and aggravated-rape cases.)
The NCAA’s two-year probation handed to Georgia Southern University’s football program in July included a note that two football players were given “impermissible” inside help to pass a course. It turns out that even though GSU’s former assistant director of student-athlete services stealthily wrote five extra-credit assignments for each of the players, still, neither player was apparently in good enough shape to pass the course.
A paramedic with the St. Louis Fire Department discovered on Aug. 4 that his car, in the station’s parking lot, had been broken into and was missing various items. Minutes after he filed a police report, the station received an emergency call about a pedestrian hit by a car, and the paramedic and crew rushed to the scene. As he was helping the victim, the paramedic noticed that his own gym bag and belongings were strewn about the scene and concluded that the man he was attending to was likely the man who had broken into his car. The paramedic continued to assist the man, and police told the St. Louis Post-Dispatch that they would arrest the man as soon as he was discharged from the hospital.
Raylon Parker, doing his duty in August on a grand jury in Halifax County, North Carolina, listened to a prosecutor lay out a case, and to Parker’s apparent surprise, the case was against Raylon Parker (for assault with a deadly weapon with intent to kill). Still, he voted on the indictment, which passed (though, due to grand jury secrecy, we do not know which way he voted). One possibility: He voted to indict, assuming a judge would toss it out, tainting the prosecutor’s case. However, Parker’s judge said the indictment–signifying “probable cause”–was still valid and that she would not inquire how Parker had voted.
Business is booming for Lainey Morse, the owner of No Regrets Farm in Albany, Oregon, and the founder of “Goat Yoga”–an outdoor regimen of relaxation carried out among her wandering goats. “Do you know how hard it is to be sad and depressed when there are baby goats jumping around?” she asked, proudly noting that she is booked up right now, with a waiting list of 500. One problem has surfaced, though (as she told a Canadian Broadcasting Corp. reporter): Naive baby goats try to eat flower designs on yoga mats, leading Morse to permit only mats of solid colors.
WORST SCHEME EVER
Wesley Autrey, 42, was arrested by Scranton, Pennsylvania, detectives in September in a drug bust with five bags of heroin and four of cocaine (along with $3,083 cash) and charged with dealing. Autrey (street name, for some reason: “Newphew”) wet his pants during the arrest, which police said he did under the mistaken impression that heroin would dissolve when exposed to urine.
EAU DE TOILETTE
Although India’s sacred Ganges River remains ridiculously polluted, it retains holy credibility for Hindus, who consume and bathe in it regularly for salvation. Since reaching the Ganges can be difficult for India’s poor, the country’s postal service (with 155,000 offices) began recently to offer home delivery of the Ganges, in bottles, for the equivalent of about 22 to 37 cents. (Tip: Water bottled in the small town of Gangotri, which is near the origin of the river, is likely cleaner; the other bottler, in the city of Rishikesh, which is holier but located farther down the river, likely presents worshippers a stronger test of faith.)
THIS WEEK IN… WHAT?
“Clitoris activism is hot in France right now,” reported London’s The Guardian in August, highlighted by the introduction in school sex education of a 3D model of the organ–demonstrating, by the way, that it more resembles a “wishbone” or a “high-tech boomerang” than the “small, sensitive” “bud” of dictionary description. French clitoris scholars emphasize that most of the several-inch-long organ is internal and just as highly excitable as its male counterpart, and their wide-ranging societal campaign includes a magazine whose title translates to “The Idiot’s Guide to the Clit.”