UNCLEAR ON THE CONCEPT
Florida Agriculture Commissioner Adam Putnam argues that his “hands are tied” by “federal food laws” and that fresh, “all-natural” milk with the cream skimmed off the top cannot be sold in Florida as “milk” (or “skim milk”) but must be labeled “imitation milk”–unless the “all-natural” milk adds (artificial) vitamin A to the product. A family farm in the state’s panhandle (Ocheesee Creamery) decided to challenge the law, and Putnam, who recently announced his candidacy for governor, said he would try to resolve the issue soon.
NEWS YOU CAN USE
Briton Fred Whitelaw, 64, who has bowel cancer, recently began working “therapeutic” breast milk into his diet, but only that supplied by his daughter, Jill Turner, who recently gave birth and said she is happy to double-pump to assure both Fred and baby Llewyn adequate supplies (although husband Kyle is trying it out for his eczema, as well). And scientists writing in the journal of the American Society for Microbiology recently recommended that parents not discourage children from picking their noses because snot contains a “rich reservoir of good bacteria” beneficial to teeth and overall health (fighting, for example, respiratory infections and even HIV).
It recently became necessary for Candace Frazee and Steve Lubanski to acquire a bigger home in the Los Angeles area because their 33,000 “bunny”-related items (stuffed bunnies, antique bunnies, bunny paintings, bunny dinnerware, etc.) needed more space. And the world’s only museum devoted to the “house cat” allows self-guided tours in Sylva, North Carolina, where curator Harold Sims displays 10,000 artifacts including a genuine petrified cat (with whiskers!) pulled from a 16th-century English chimney.
They’re “therapists,” not “strippers,” argued New York City’s Penthouse Executive Club, creatively characterizing its dancers to avoid $3 million in back taxes, but the state’s appeals board ruled against it in April. Penthouse had insisted that its performers were more akin to counselors for lonely men, and that the club’s “door charge” was an untaxable fee for therapeutic health services.
YOU MEAN JETHRO AND ABBY, TOO?
In contrast to the exciting work of the TV series (near the top of broadcast ratings for the last decade), real agents in the Naval Criminal Investigative Service have labored over computer screens eight to 10 hours a day for two months now employing their facial-recognition software–just to scour websites to identify victims of nude-photo postings of military personnel that came to light earlier this year. “[Y]ou get pretty burned out,” said the NCIS director. A simple word search of “uniformed military nude” got nearly 80 million hits, according to a May Associated Press dispatch from the Quantico Marine base, where the 20 investigators labor side-by-side.
ODD MILITARY ALLIES
In April, three days after ISIS fighters reportedly executed 25 villagers about 50 miles south of Kirkuk, Iraq, the three murderers were themselves killed (and eight more wounded) when a pack of wild boars overran their position and gnawed them into martyrdom. And in April, a Russian naval reconnaissance ship sank in the Black Sea off of Turkey (likely op: Syria-related) when it collided with a livestock barge flying the flag of Togo. All aboard the Russian ship were rescued; the much-heavier Togolese vessel suffered barely a scratch.
RIGHTS IN CONFLICT
An elderly German man, unnamed in news reports, was fined the equivalent of $110 in May for “terrorizing” neighbors in the town of Hennef by violating a 2015 agreement to lower the sound of his pornographic videos. He demanded sympathy because of his hearing disability, arguing that if he wore headphones, he could not hear the doorbell, or burglars, and therefore would feel unsafe. (At his May hearing, he objected to the characterization that the “sex sounds” were from videos; on the day in question, he said, he had a prostitute in the room. “It was not porn,” he insisted, confusingly. “It was live!”)
In May, Cincinnati Mayor John Cranley apparently mindlessly signed the proclamation designating a special day for the late Tre Hummons (submitted by his grieving father, to honor the son’s “sacrifice”). Tre Hummons was killed in 2015 by a police officer–but only after Tre had just shot and killed another Cincinnati police officer.