THE WHITE STUFF
(1) April Gaede, who four years ago guided her teenage daughters, Lynx and Lamb (performing as “Prussian Blue”), to a brief music career singing neo-Nazi songs, announced a new project recently on the white nationalist Web site stormfront.org. She offers a no-fee matchmaking service to fertile Aryans, hoping to encourage marriage and baby-making—to help white people keep up with rapidly procreating minorities. (2) Don “Moose” Lewis announced plans in January for a 12-city pro basketball league composed only of white players (natural-born U.S. citizens, whose parents are both Caucasian). Lewis denied any “racism,” explaining to the Augusta Chronicle that whites simply like “fundamental” basketball and not “street ball” (“flipping you off or attacking you in the stands or grabbing their crotch”).
As vultures approach extinction in South Africa, they grow in value among local “traditional” communities for their magical abilities. Specks of a vulture’s brain, sprinkled on mud and smoked, can supposedly ward off evil and bring winning lottery numbers. One Johannesburg vendor told Agence France-Presse in December that the specks even work when daubed on dogs’ noses, enabling them to extend their already formidable scenting power.
THE LORD GIVETH…
Televangelist Rod Parsley informed his flock in December that he urgently needed several million dollars because of financial problems attributed directly to Satan. According to a report in the Columbus Dispatch, Parsley’s World Harvest Church was facing a $3 million deficit for the quarter ending in December after earlier in the year paying $3.1 million to settle a lawsuit over its day-care center’s having too brutally spanked a boy. Wrote Parsley, “Will you help me take back what the devil stole?”
IF YOU DON’T CLEAN YOUR ROOM, THE GOLDFISH IS NEXT
In January, as punishment for her 12-year-old son’s bad grade in school, a Warm Springs, Ga., mother allegedly forced the boy to club his pet hamster to death with a hammer. Lynn Middlebrooks Geter, 38, was arrested after the kid told his teacher, who called the state children’s services agency.
Unless Stephen Gough, 50, changes his mind about wearing pants, he risks spending the rest of his life behind bars, according to a January ruling of Scotland’s Perth Sheriff Court. Gough, Britain’s “naked rambler,” is a freelance nudist who for years has roamed the United Kingdom countryside, interrupted by numerous jail stints for violating public decency. He was released from Perth Prison in December after his latest stay, but seconds later shucked his clothes and was re-arrested. (In his most recent trial, Gough acted as his own lawyer and somehow persuaded an overly fair judge to let him be naked in court.)
(1) Shane Williams-Allen, 19, was arrested in Tavares, Fla., in January and charged with burglarizing an unmarked police car and stealing several items, including handcuffs and a Taser gun. Eventually, Williams-Allen called the police for help after he accidentally cuffed himself, and officers believe he also accidentally Tasered himself. (2) Police in Oakland, Calif., called off their manhunt for fleeing home-invasion suspects in January when officers encountered four of the men wedged between two buildings they had tried to squeeze through.