GIVES ‘GREEN CARD’ A WHOLE NEW MEANING
Among the promotions offered by New York City’s upscale Marmara Manhattan hotel is a “birth tourism” package exploiting the U.S. Constitution’s 14th Amendment. For about $35,000, a foreign expectant mother with a visa can spend her delivery week in luxury accommodations (including medical care) and assure her baby automatic U.S. citizenship.
BOOZE LEADS TO BAD DECISIONS, PART 8,472
(1) A naked, 47-year-old man was taken to an El Paso, Texas, burn center in July after “friends” won a bet and got to set his prosthetic leg on fire, and it spread to his body. The man admitted to police that he had lost fair-and-square, by downing “only” six beers. He was treated for several days and released. (2) In June, two 34-year-old men in Horsham, Australia, underwent surgery as a result of a plan hatched during a drinking bout. They had both wondered if it hurt to get shot and thus obliged each other.
ANYTHING TO MAKE SOCCER MORE INTERESTING
Black magic failed to secure the World Cup for Africa this year, but on the other hand, the weak host team, South Africa, managed an opening round draw with Mexico and an upset victory over France. “Sangomas” (traditional “healers”) spreading “muti” (powders, potions and animal bones, especially from speedsters like horses and ostriches) had been out in force. World Cup stadium security was tight, but in African league soccer games, it is not uncommon for sangomas, pre-game, to bury animal parts on the field, or to have players urinate on it to improve the karma.
BRITISH BIG BROTHER
(1) Britain’s head constable told a police chiefs’ meeting in June that they were being “buried” under a “telephone directory”-sized (6,497 pages) compilation of rules and regulations telling street bobbies in massive detail such things as how to apply handcuffs and ride bicycles. (2) The local government that runs the Ebdon Road Cemetery in Weston-super-Mare, England, ordered the removal of the small cross marking the grave of Rosemary Maggs, who died in May. The local council has prohibited crosses in the cemetery, citing safety.
WE’RE ONLY 7 PERECENT BEHIND RWANDA!
Although 85 percent of Americans are covered by health insurance, the figure in Rwanda is 92 percent. In that country’s 11-year-old system, everyone pays $2 a year, obviously just for basics. However, Rwandans’ main problems are more easily treatable (infections, malnutrition, malaria, unsafe childbirth) and not expensive like America’s main issues: diabetes, obesity and cholesterol-clogged arteries.
CULTURAL SENSITIVITY AND CRAP
In July, acknowledging pressure from local Asian activists, officials at the Exchange mall in Rochdale, England, said they would remove the toilets from two of the facility’s restroom stalls and build “Nile pans,” also known as “squat toilets. Also, to Westerners, referred to as “holes in the ground.” The officials said they were trying to serve the many Pakistani and Bangladeshi immigrants living in Greater Manchester.
Teachers Leslie Rainer and Djuna Robinson were removed from teaching duties at Blanche Ely High School in Pompano Beach, Florida, in March after they were seen sprinkling “holy water” onto a colleague, a self-described atheist. Other witnesses disputed the details, but the two were charged under the school’s “anti-bullying” policy for aggressiveness toward the other teacher.
TIE UP YOUR PUSSY
At press time, the city council of Barre, Vermont, continues to debate extending its pet “leash” law to cats, following a woman’s complaint that a neighbor’s cat continues to foul her yard with droppings. In the few towns that try to enforce leash laws on cats, a main rationale has been to protect friendly birds. (The late U.S. statesman Adlai Stevenson, when he was governor of Illinois, once rejected such a law, terming leashing “against the nature of the cat.”)
YOU SURE HE DIDN’T DO IT?
John Mark Karr burst onto the national scene in 2006 when he famously, falsely, confessed to murdering little JonBenet Ramsey 10 years earlier, but since then, his life has been even more bizarre. He has spun through a series of romances with JonBenet-like youngsters, the latest with Samantha Spiegel, who was 9 when they met and is now 19 and recently got a restraining order against him. Karr is currently known as “Alexis Reich” in preparation for his gender-reassignment surgery, which Spiegel says Karr wants only in order to make it easier to befriend, and seduce, younger and younger girls. According to another ex-girlfriend, Karr asked her to solicit little girls to join a cult he was starting called “The Immaculates,” to fulfill fantasies including taking baths with young girls.
INCOMPETENT REDNECK CRIMINALS
(1) A 24-year-old man was arrested in Crestview, Florida, in April after he allegedly removed a window air-conditioner and crawled into a house in which his wife was staying. They had recently separated, and he told police that he had not “gotten any” in three weeks and was going to “get some.” (2) In June in Okaloosa County, Florida, passenger Courtnea Bradley, 21, roughed up the driver while the car was moving, making it swerve wildly, thus allegedly endangering her baby in the back seat. At the subsequent traffic stop, a defiant Bradley allegedly told officers, “My [expletive] family is one of the richest around, and we will have y’all’s [expletive] jobs.”