YOU MIGHT BE A LITTLE REDNECK…
Jack Smeltzer broke a record in the tractor pull championships in Columbus, Ohio, in January—doing a “full pull” of 692 pounds. Jack is 7 years old. The National Kiddie Tractor Pullers Association (which holds 80 events a year for ages 3 through 8) uses bicycles instead of motors. Ms. Brooke Wilker, 5, was the youngest champ, lugging 300 pounds 28 feet.
WASH DARN IT
Everyone washes hair, but those who want a license to apply shampoo in Texas need 150 hours of training, with 100 hours in “theory and practice,” including a study of “neck anatomy.”
The City Commission of San Antonio, Florida, (population 1,052), passed an ordinance in January restricting, to a tiny portion of town, where registered sex offenders could live. However, San Antonio has only one sex offender, and that man is exempt from the law because he already lives there.
(1) In January, Toronto sculptor-photographer Lisa Murphy added to her reputation for devising “porn for the blind” by producing four more hand-molded erotic figures out of clay, accompanied by descriptions in Braille. “The butt was the hardest to sculpt,” she said. “I wanted to get it nice and even, and give it a feminine softness so it would actually feel like a woman’s butt.” Her first book, Tactile Mind, with 17 such raised erotic works, sells for $225 (Canadian). (2) Ripley’s Believe It or Not! museum is already home to an artist’s rendition of da Vinci’s “The Last Supper” made from burned toast, and now comes a recent version by Laura Bell of Roscommon, Michigan, made with clothes-dryer lint. Bell said she did about 800 hours of laundry of various-colored towels to obtain lint of the proper hues, and then worked 200 more hours to construct the 14-foot-long, 4-foot-high mural.
Rap singer Trevell Coleman, trying to bring “closure” and “get right with God” for having shot a man in 1993 (and never getting caught), confessed to the assault to New York City police in December, hoping that his humility might impress them. Instead, police checked and booked Coleman—for murder. Said Coleman, “For some reason, I really didn’t think that [the victim had] died.”
(1) A female motorist in Kitsap County, Washington, reported in January that she was motioned by another driver to pull over, but ignored him. The man then tried to ratchet up his credibility, motioning her over again but this time holding a hand-scrawled sign reading “sheriff.” (She remained unimpressed.) Seattle Weekly reported that a similar incident occurred several months earlier. (2) Robert Michelson was arrested in Farmington, Connecticut, in February, after calling a 911 operator to inquire about the lawfulness of the marijuana plant he was growing. The operator informed him that it was illegal. (All 911 calls are automatically traced, and Michelson was soon arrested.)