We here at MauiTime receive a lot of press releases. Most come from local officials and companies, but many are from powerful officials with global reach. They shotgun the statements with such power that even reach our modest offices. The latest of these messages from the wealthy and powerful comes from a Washington bureaucrat of such intellect and cunning that his name has often been attached to the phrase “Legend in his own time.”
Yes folks, I’m speaking of Tom Vilsack, our nation’s head of the U.S. Department of Agriculture. And Tom Vilsack wants you to have a good time on the 4th of July.
“This 4th of July is a good time to celebrate the values and ideals that make this nation great,” Vilsack wrote in a press release I’m pretending was sent to me alone. “Rural Americans in particular understand and treasure these values. Perhaps that is why so many of them serve in our military – joining the finest armed forces in the world to protect and defend the nation that we all love.”
So true. What those “values” actually are is beyond the scope of Vilsack’s press release. The important thing here is that America–especially rural America–stands for values, and Vilsack stands for America and values both. Whatever those values are, he wants you to know that he is for them.
Oh, wait, he does actually articulate some of those values. “So this weekend, as you come together with friends and family to celebrate with barbeques, games and fireworks – also take a moment to remember the words in the Declaration of Independence that have helped serve as one of our guiding principles since our founding: We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their creator with certain unalienable rights; that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.”
See! Vilsack is for Life. That’s kind of a value. Also, he is also for Liberty, which is a value too, I guess. And let’s not forget the pursuit of Happiness, which is something I think we can all get behind this weekend, if not every weekend.
Click here if you would like to know more about Vilsack or the good people who run the USDA. I think they would be happy if you did.
I mean, it would be a nice thing to do, though they probably can’t tell if you look at their website or not. Except that, now that I think about it, the USDA is part of the federal government, which has like giant defense installations dedicated to spying on the entire planet, so yeah, they probably would know if you went online and checked out Vilsack and the USDA. So you know what, just to be on the safe side, don’t click where I said to click. It’s probably best if you just go do something else like help your kid do his algebra homework or pet the dog.