LAST RIDE
The Cabral Chrysler dealership in Manteca, California, was so desperate for a sale in October that one of its employees picked up potential customer Donald Davis, 67, at his nursing home, brought the pajamas-and-slippers-clad, dementia-suffering resident in to sign papers, handed him the keys to his new pickup truck (with the requested chrome wheels!) and sent him on his way (even tossing Davis’s wheelchair into the truck’s bed as Davis sped away). Shortly afterward, Davis led police on a high-speed chase 50 miles from Manteca. He was stopped and detained—but at a hospital the next morning, he passed away from heart failure. The Cabral salesman said Davis had called him twice the day before, insisting on buying a new truck.
HEAD CASES
Though the death and injury rates for motorbikers in Nigeria are high, compliance with a helmet law is notoriously bad, because so many riders fear “juju,” which is the presence of supernatural spirits inside head coverings. Juju supposedly captures a person’s brain and takes it away, leading most riders to “comply” with the helmet law by wearing only a thin cloth hat that spiritualists assure them will not allow “juju” to take hold.
EVERYTHING MUST GO
Larry Falter, the owner of a Superior, Wisconsin, jewelry store and an elder in a local messianic church, recently began staging a “Second Coming” sale, supposedly to commemorate the Day of the Lord when Jesus returns, triggering the Apocalypse. Among the responses by local residents: Why would anyone planning to be taken away need jewelry anyway, and, especially, why would Falter need to sell his jewelry instead of just giving it away? (Falter said that he owes money to people right now and is obliged to pay them back as best he can before departing.)
BOOB RUBES
Berlyn Aussieahshowna, 37, was arrested in Boise, Idaho, in November and charged with practicing medicine without a license after she convinced at least two women to let her fondle their breasts under the guise that she was performing a breast “exam.” According to police investigators, Aussieahshowna is neither a doctor nor even Berlyn Aussieahshowna. She is Kristina Ross, and is not even a biological female, although she was identified in a 2004 arrest as a male-to-female transsexual. Authorities were puzzled why the two women were duped since both times, “Dr.” Aussieahshowna performed her “consultations,” including the exams, in bars.
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