SOILED FOOD
Edible “dirt” has recently appeared on the menus of several of the world’s most renowned restaurants (e.g., the top-rated Noma in Copenhagen, Shakuf in Tel Aviv, Gilt in New York City). “People are really wowed to see dirt on their plates,” said Gilt’s head chef. Actually, the “dirt” only looks and feels like dirt. Each chef creates signature tastes from dried or charred powders with the appearance and consistency of sand, soil or ash—from a base of plants, vegetables or eggs, or even dried beer. Said a reviewer, “These chefs are reminding people where food actually comes from.”
RACIST RACES
Until August, Nettleton Middle School near Tupelo, Mississippi, had a strict policy for election of class officers for 6th-, 7th- and 8th-graders: only white students could run for president, and only black students could run for vice president. (Other officers were segregated by race, as well.) Officials explained that it was one way to assure black representation even though three-fourths of the students are white. A school memo was leaked to The Smoking Gun Web site in August, and a day later the school district rescinded the policy.
OK, WE JUST PEED OUR PANTS A LITTLE
After two Mexican fishermen were dragged from their boats and “chewed so badly that their bodies could not be identified by their own families,” according to a Daily Express review of an August British TV documentary, warnings were issued along the Pacific coast about the northern migration of Humboldt squid. They grow to 8 feet long, weigh up to 100 pounds, travel up to 15 mph, have eight swim/hold tentacles and two “attack” tentacles that are studded with 40,000 or more razor-sharp “teeth”-like nubs that help each devour almost seven tons of fish a year. Furthermore, female Humboldts are capable of laying 30 million eggs.
BRITISH (IN)JUSTICE
(1) Briton Tania Doherty believed in 2008 that she was finally rid of ex-boyfriend Kawa ali Azad, who had stalked and assaulted her (once beating her unconscious) after she ended their affair in 2006. Azad had been arrested and ordered deported to his native Iraq, but when Iraq refused to take him, he applied to stay in Britain and, pending an immigration decision, was released by a judge sensitive to the “human rights” of someone seeking international “asylum.” Azad immediately resumed harassing Doherty. (2) Notorious killer Jon Venables, convicted in 1993 at age 11 of the torture-murder of a 2-year-old Merseyside boy, was held until age 18 and then released on conditions and with a new identity to protect him from harassment. In July 2010, after violating the conditions, Venables was sentenced to two years in jail for possessing and exchanging “violent” child pornography. According to a Daily Telegraph report, the Ministry of Justice has accepted that it will have to supply Venables yet another new identity upon his eventual release (with set-up likely to cost the equivalent of almost $400,000 and security to run the equivalent of an additional $1.6 million a year).
COPS TO DRUG DEALERS: ‘TRUST US’
Police in New Albany, Indiana, arrested two alleged counterfeiters in August but believed that a much bigger operation was in play. Subsequently, the Indiana State Police made a public plea for informants, focusing on the people most likely to be cheated by counterfeit money: local drug dealers. “What we are asking today,” said ISP Sgt. Jerry Goodin, “is we want all the drug dealers to call us. We want to get all of your information and exactly what happened in [any of your dealings].” Goodin added, “Trust us.”
LUST IS BLIND
Playboy magazine has long published an audio edition, and the Library of Congress produces a text edition in Braille. However, as a Houston Chronicle reporter learned in August, a Texas organization (Taping for the Blind) goes one step further, with volunteer reader Suzi Hanks actually describing the photographs—including the Playmates and other nudes. “I’d say if she has large breasts or small breasts, piercings or tattoos,” said Hanks. “I’ll describe her genitalia… I take my time describing the girls… Hey, blind guys like pretty, naked girls, too!”
INCOMPETENT CRIMINALS
Mark Smith, 59, was arrested at a bank in Watsonville, California, in September after he allegedly threatened a teller with a bomb (spelled “bom”) and demanded $2,000. The teller, apparently skeptical of Smith’s toughness, tried to convince him, instead, to borrow the money, and she had him wait while she retrieved an application (during which time she called 911). By the time police arrived, Smith was filling out the loan form.
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