I was turning to A4 in today’s The Maui News—continuing the update on the East Maui stream issue (“members reached a historic compromise (last) night”)—when, BAM! The hed “Ten men, two women busted over prostitution” sidelines my mental ellipses. Seriously? TEN MEN?
Then I realize it includes customers. Ha! Here I was imagining some gang of gigolos roaming Maui’s seedier side streets, headed by some dominatrix overlordess. I’d already started to wonder what they wore, how they accessorized, how their routine sales pitches might sound, and why the hell I’d never seen them before (I’m a part-time Wailukuan, after all).
Still, I’m not ruling out anything. If you have a hot tip on a bedazzled troupe of male prostitutes: please, report it to MauiTime first (email@example.com). Thank you.
Also weird, in today’s paper of record (A10), is an AP story by David McFadden: “Jamaica ghettos stormed in search for alleged drug lord.”
OK. Clearly the story is no laughing matter—especially with a subhead that reads, “30 killed so far in street fights.” But, what I did find strange is that “a reputed drug kingpin” who “authorities say he has been trafficking cocaine to the streets of New York City since the mid 1990s,” goes by the nickname “Dudus.” Yes, Christopher “Dudus” Coke.
You mean, you’re a cocaine lord named Christopher Coke, and you opt for “Dudus”? I don’t know ’bout in Jamaica, but doo doo doesn’t have the best connotation in the places I’ve been. Kinda puts a damper on things. ‘Sides, narcotics make you constipated… so you know, it’s just a little oxymoronic. Just sayin’, maybe think of a new nickname, Mr. Coke. If this extradition thing pans out, you’re looking at a lot more headlines, and now is your chance!
 The closest thing to me having been to Jamaica, is this article on Junior Reid. That, and a childhood love of Cool Runnings. It seems I’m damned near an expert, at this point. Who needs Sandals?