Cancer (June 21-July 22)
Make life easier on yourself. You’re just clinging to that irritating behavior out of stubbornness. You know that most of those you adore find that habit annoying, and—if truth be known—you’re not even all that attached to it anymore, yourself. You’ve just been holding on to it out of fear of appearing to capitulate to others’ demands or desires. That would be awful, to give people the impression that they had some influence over you! Sorry, I’m only teasing you because you know that your Crabby clutching is giving you more agitation than it’s worth. Let it go. Don’t do it for us, if that bothers you so much. Just do it for yourself.
Leo (July 23-Aug. 22)
Don’t wait on the group. Entangling your fate with others’ this week would be a huge mistake. Do what you want to do, and let your friends participate, or not, as they will. Waiting to find out what they’re up to before you make your own decisions will just be frustrating for all concerned; they’ll feel rushed in making decisions they’d rather wait on, and you’ll end up missing stuff, due to their delays. There’s no time for consensus, or even a vote. If you wait for people to get on the same page as you, you’ll be at the end of the book before you’ve read a chapter. Just plow on ahead, and hope some of the others can keep up—or, at the very least, catch up.
Virgo (Aug. 23-Sept. 22)
Sadly, you were trained, early on, not to stop and smell the roses. Maybe a bee stung you on the nose, just once, and ever since then you’ve resisted enjoying the blooms on your way home from work. Perhaps you justify it in the name of harried efficiency, or spartan self-denial. Just quit that, already. Half of life’s pleasures are roses by the side of the road. If you can’t periodically squeeze in ten seconds to enjoy them, you’re really screwing yourself over. Don’t let faulty programming get the best of you. Enjoy the inefficient, irrelevant little details; sometimes they’re all you’ve got.
Libra (Sept. 23-Oct. 22)
I wish I could say you were in for a week of lazy Sundays, which is what you really need, but you’re not. Unfortunately, although you’re dearly deserving of such a respite from the demands you’ve begun to resent (even when you’d usually welcome them), you won’t get it yet. I hope you can find the strength and resilience to make it through another crazed week without having a nervous breakdown. Maybe it’ll help when I tell you that next week you’ll finally have the down-time you’ve been craving. You can lay in bed and stare at the ceiling for days on end, and no one will say a word. Sound good? Relax and try to navigate through these last few obstacles. You’re less than seven days away.
Scorpio (Oct. 23-Nov. 21)
You’re no idiot savant but to some you might seem like one, especially this week. You’re amazingly good at a few things—and, sadly, fairly bad at a couple of others. When these two talents—extraordinary and abysmal—are placed on display one after the other, it can give someone the jarring impression that you’re kind of a brilliant freak. Evolved Caps tend to just leave it there. Who cares what those simplistic losers think? Try that one on for size, if you haven’t before. Let them evolve enough to enjoy brilliant freaks (whether you actually are one or not), and if they can’t be bothered, who the hell needs them?
Sagittarius (Nov. 22-Dec. 21)
You’re broadcasting loud and clear. All your neighbors’ stereos are picking you up. You’re the catchy tune that everyone’s singing, and you’re flying high this week. But what happens next week, when everyone declares your song overplayed and tired? What happens when you make people roll their eyes, cover their ears, and sing over you, just to keep you from getting stuck in their heads? All I’m saying: Enjoy the wave. But remember it has a beginning, middle and end. If you want to keep riding the ride, you can’t keep coasting; you’ve got to think of something new to sing.
Capricorn (Dec. 22-Jan. 19)
You like to think you always do what’s best for yourself, but then you go on an uncontrollable candy binge and make yourself sick—all the while knowing exactly what will happen, but being unable to stop yourself. This week you’re especially susceptible to the delicious but self-destructive whims of your most capricious self. If you were still a kid, you could trust your well-being to a responsible parent, but you’re not. Consequently, you’ll probably end up doing shit that’s a little stupid and bad for you. Oh well. Luckily, you’re also grown up enough to repair the damage quickly, so you can concentrate on fixing yourself instead of kicking yourself.
Aquarius (Jan. 20-Feb. 18)
Imagine you’re viewing your life through a tiny keyhole, because that’s effectively what’s happening. Your view of the big picture is bewilderingly small, and that’s particularly obvious this week, when it could result in a series of exponentially complicated miscommunications or misunderstandings. Instead of acting on what seems obvious, ask yourself if there’s any chance that there could be some invisible element in play, some other forces at work behind the scenes you can see. If the answer is yes, give the benefit of the doubt to those you’d normally question; you’ll save yourself the embarrassment and hassle you’d experience once you found out what was really going on.
Pisces (Feb. 19-March 20)
You’re like a blurry photograph taken from a great distance. No one can quite believe you are what you purport to be. They squint and wonder: Is that little pink blob on the beach really a naked picture of Jennifer Lawrence? Luckily for you, someone just snapped a greatly superior telephoto lens onto the camera, and things are about to swim quickly into focus. Being subject to such intimate scrutiny shouldn’t bother you Leos, but it might discomfit some of your scrutinizers when they have to admit that, yes, itreally is Jennifer Lawrence walking naked down the beach. It comes as no surprise to you when you’re proven to be exactly what you say you are. Just bite your tongue when it surprises others.
Aries (March 21-April 19)
I met this crazy girl who was terrified of birds, convinced that they were contaminated with microbes that would infect her brain and kill her. Just days after she’d explained the rationale behind her panicked flight from avian proximity, she saw a baby bird tumble from its nest, and her heart went out to it. Within hours, she’d brought the chick into her home, consulted experts, and was feeding it a mixture of raw meat and raw eggs. You, too, might experience something similar this week—something you fear might need you so much that you can’t refuse it. Don’t even try. Help those who ask you for it, and watch how it changes how you think about them.
Taurus (April 20-May 20)
In your case, growth usually happens imperceptibly slowly, only visible cumulatively, over time. But every once in a while, you get an overnight growth spurt that even your dopey boyfriend might notice. This week’s astrological influences are like spiritual fertilizer for you Taureans. Because you’re likely to shoot up three metaphorical inches and swell two shoe sizes this week, make sure you’ve got plenty of room to do it in. If you’ve been feeling crowded in general lately, do what you need to do to clear out some space for the new, expanded you.
Gemini (May 21-June 20)
Don’t bother trying to shimmy out from under other people’s judgments about you. They’ve already made up their minds. Whether they’ve decided you’re a hero or villain, you’re stuck with it. So just own it. There’s no point in wasting energy trying to disprove or argue with them; they’re too damn stubborn for logic, reason, or contrary evidence. Shrug and accept their wrongful appraisal. “Yep, that’s me.” Your casual acceptance of their wrongful impressions will only make you look slicker and sexier when they finally figure out (on their own) how wrong they were about you.
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