Scorpio (Oct. 23-Nov. 21)
You see things one way, but it’s not the only way. Imagine something simple and concrete, like a shiny red apple. A Bible-thumper could view it as a symbol of the knowledge of good and evil, or original sin. A dietician might call it an excellent source of fiber and nutrients. Someone of a more philosophical bent could claim it’s impossible to prove the apple even exists. See how all these different people, all purportedly referring to the same thing, would have entirely different conversations and tell completely different stories? Go ahead and seek some common ground—but if you don’t find it, don’t feel bad.
Sagittarius (Nov. 22-Dec. 21)
Ignoring the possibility of laser eye surgery, imagine you had to choose between blurry, error-prone vision, or wearing thick, ugly glasses in order to see clearly. Ultimately, the real question is this: Which is more important to you—how you see the world, or how you’re seen by it? Being a blind, loveably naïve fool may be charming, but perceiving the world clearly—even if it makes you cynical—is a power I don’t think you’d be happy without. Only you can decide which is more important to you right now, but decide you must; you can’t be both.
Capricorn (Dec. 22-Jan. 19)
Although it goes against your stubborn nature, surrendering now may be your best bet. Ensuring that you “live to fight another day” is more important than this particular battle, especially if you’ve finally recognized that it’s not one you can win. Instead of struggling on anyway, retreat now so that you can find a more defensible position later. You’re good at seeing the big picture, so surely you see the wisdom of my advice. Take it. Winning this war overnight isn’t going to happen. If standing firm here and now means you’ll be effectively crippled later, may I suggest rolling over, showing your belly, and waiting for a better time and place to put up a real fight?
Aquarius (Jan. 20-Feb. 18)
Think of your relationships as chairs. Overload them with weight, and they’ll collapse. What kind of “chair” do you want? A rare antique may be indescribably beautiful, but will only survive in perfect conditions. Something made of wicker may be lightweight and flexible, but easily crushed by even slightly rough treatment. Something sturdy and utilitarian may not be as gorgeous, but will keep doing its job, even when left out in the rain. What kind of chair you end up with is at least partially up to you. Is it something you hope to keep enjoying in a decade or two, or able to take a certain amount of hardship, or simply as ephemeral and beautiful as a soap bubble?
Pisces (Feb. 19-March 20)
Going slow is lovely and all, and probably generally a good idea, but sometimes the only way you’re going to get in at all is with a full-throttle cannonball dive off the side of the cliff. Wading in, in this case, is simply not an option. Therefore, you must either marshal your courage and dive in, willfully embracing the consequences (both good and bad) that result. If you can’t do that, stop even looking at the lake you’re not going to jump into. Step aside and make room for someone more willing to take the risk.
Aries (March 21-April 19)
Ego may prevent some people from ever kissing ass. Others have no problem with a little harmless (and swiftly forgotten) butt-smooching, if it’ll get them what they want. I’m not sure which category you’re in these days. Since a tiny bit of brown-nosing is necessary to get what you want, you must weigh that against the sanctity of your pride. Which would you rather have? Personally, I think your self-respect would recover pretty quickly from your ass-kissing efforts, especially soothed by the satiation of your desires. However, you may prefer to cling to your unsullied dignity instead. Whichever you choose, pride or desire, let the other go. Try to hang onto both and you’ll just be miserable.
Taurus (April 20-May 20)
I understand why you think your window of opportunity’s gone. After all, you sat on your hands and forlornly watched it split. Now that it’s over the horizon, I’m sure you’re kicking yourself and wishing you’d been brave enough to get on that train and see what happened next. Here’s some arguably great news: the train’s been delayed just around the bend. Start running now and you’ll be able to catch up and hop aboard. What are you waiting for? I’m not sure you can live with chickening out twice in a row. Go for what you want. Now.
Gemini (May 21-June 20)
Confidence is sexy, but acting like you shit golden eggs or speak with the voice of god has quite the opposite effect. You should be confident—but realistically so. Excessively tooting your own horn, or generally trying too hard, won’t impress anyone, and will turn off most. Sure, being quiet about your awesomeness may mean you get overlooked this time. But if you do appear on someone’s radar, you’ll be that much more impressive, and classier than the guy parading around in his one-man-band get-up. Self-promotion has a time and place—this week simply isn’t it.
Cancer (June 21-July 22)
I get the enduring appeal of a pretty face, massive wealth, or celebrity. But don’t be blinded by them. If you want someone who’ll actually make you happy, you’ll need to practically ignore these flashy traits. Don’t delude yourself that riches or beauty by themselves will keep you happy; they’re ultimately too ephemeral and superficial for that (and having a gorgeous or filthy rich partner isn’t the picnic you may think it is). Even if you focus primarily on less shallow qualities, you’ll likely want to still include factors such as cuteness or net worth into your overall equation. In your shoes, however, I’d at least try to leave them out completely.
Leo (July 23-Aug. 22)
Of course, you’re delighted when someone appreciates your unique qualities, but when they obsess about them, it gets downright creepy. You’re more than a vehicle for your flaming red hair, gorgeous breasts, or spectacular singing voice. Go ahead and flaunt your assets as usual this week, but don’t oversell them. Make sure everyone knows you’re a package deal. If someone only values you for a couple of your shining qualities, dump them, pronto. While it’s unlikely anyone will appreciate every single aspect of your being, many are ready to value most of who and what you are.
Virgo (Aug. 23-Sept. 22)
Someone please tell those who drench themselves in perfume/cologne that a cloud of headache-inducing, suffocatingly sweet stench is not hot. What’s ironic is that they don such scents to be more attractive, clueless that it might have precisely the opposite effect. You’re doing something similar—instead of making you sexier or more appealing, as you hope, it’s driving people away. Once you determine what you’re doing wrong (you may have to ask others; like those perfumed people, your nose may be desensitized to the noxiousness of your efforts), it’ll be simple to ditch the bad habit—about as easy as tossing a perfume bottle into the trash.
Libra (Sept. 23-Oct. 22)
Very few people would want to taxidermy a well-loved house pet after it’s passed away. I wouldn’t have guessed you were one of these, and yet here you are, determined to stuff, mount, and artificially preserve something you’d be better off burying or burning. Despite the temporary comfort this might bring you, it’s really just a (slightly disturbing) way to keep from moving on. Stop trying to keep this thing long past its sell by date, or soon you won’t have any room in your home, heart, or fridge—which means nothing fresh, new, and wonderful will ever come in. Make space.