Cancer (June 21-July 22)
We can’t completely control who or what enters our lives. Some things, of course, you can simply walk away from if they don’t fit in with your vision of how your life should look, but others aren’t so blithely abandoned. Leaving them behind would also involve ditching important aspects of yourself, perhaps principles and morals you’re quite attached to. So you’re more or less stuck with these gate-crashers, like it or not. These surprising, challenging, and confusing experiences are called “character-building” for a reason. Let’s see what unfolds when one happens to you, shall we?
Leo (July 23-Aug. 22)
Anonymity can be fun, but it’s so not your style. You’re not cut out to be a wallflower. Unlike some signs, you like being noticed, most of the time. What’s the point of flying under the radar? Well, there is a point to it sometimes, when it’s the only way to effectively get to where you want to go—since drawing attention will likely slow you down or stop you completely. This week you may have to run counter to your natural instincts in order to accomplish your goals. Go into stealth mode for now, Leo. You can shine again once the deed’s done.
Virgo (Aug. 23-Sept. 22)
Digging someone else out of the mess they’ve made isn’t really your job, yet the task does seem to fall on your shoulders pretty often, nevertheless. Why? Because you’re good at it. Hardly fair, but there it is. I’m sure you’re tired of this, but your choices are pretty lousy: abandon a friend in a time of need, or roll up your sleeves and get to excavating. To avoid such crappy alternatives in the future, make sure your loved ones know that you’re unlikely to tidy up such disasters again, and they should turn to you for help while there’s still a chance of averting catastrophe, not after it’s all gone pear-shaped.
Libra (Sept. 23-Oct. 22)
Imagine stopping for directions, and instead of getting a couple vague instructions and a sloppy hand gesture, someone sits down and draws you a detailed map, describes numerous landmarks and points of interest, and takes a quarter hour providing you with way more information than you asked for. Their excellent and courteous treatment of you was in a way much more annoying than if they’d just hollered, “It’s that-a-way!” and waved you off. Sometimes people’s wonderful intentions can turn into a tremendous hassle. The right thing to do is accept them with grace, nevertheless—along with the delays or obstacles that accompany them. Try to remember that this week.
Scorpio (Oct. 23-Nov. 21)
Although a Capricorn’s eye for profit might see it differently, someone else’s loss isn’t always your gain—or at least it shouldn’t be. You may see an opportunity or two to spin gold out of others’ hardship this week, but I hope you won’t. It’s not something you’re likely to feel good about, and even if you can shrug the moral quandary aside, such actions are almost certain to come back to bite you in the ass, probably just to make sure you regret it, later. Skip all that and just help those in need instead of taking advantage of them.
SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-DEC.21)
Sometimes something that seems like a real advantage can turn out to be exactly the opposite in practice. While it would certainly be convenient to have a prehensile tail, for example (better than making do with just two hands and two feet), in the end the hassles you’d experience whenever you tried to use it (not to mention adjusting your clothes to accommodate (or hide) your extra appendage) would probably prove too much to justify having it, unless you hoped to find a career as a research subject or circus sideshow star. Check any lucky breaks this week for similar downsides—before you accept them.
Capricorn (Dec. 22-Jan. 19)
I’m pretty tolerant of most things—but not intolerance. Once bigotry of any kind rears its ugly head, I’m done. If I think there’s a chance of changing minds, I gear up for righteous battle and fight the good fight; otherwise, I just walk away, to save my strength for a war I can help win. Keeping things that simple is my solution to avoiding unnecessary conflict. What’s yours? If you don’t have a concise strategy for picking the battles you choose to fight—if, for example, it’s based entirely on your mood—you’re doing it wrong. Devise one this week.
Aquarius (Jan. 20-Feb. 18)
Leading by example is the only way to go here. Don’t even try one of those, “Do as I say, not as I do,” deals; it’ll never fly. You’ll be called out on that shit so fast your head will spin. The only viable strategy is to really live and behave according to the principles you hope to share. Eyes are upon you—whether you know it or not—and people are not afraid to judge. It may not be fair, but you need to try to abide by the principles you aspire to, instead of just the ones that are currently easy to live up to.
Pisces (Feb. 19-March 20)
When what should be fun turns into an annoying hassle instead, you know you’ve taken a wrong turn somewhere. Can you retrace your route and correct your course, towards hilarity and joy rather than frustration and anger? Reclaiming your sense of humor, along with a willingness to let go, will help you find your way again. Much of your angst is caused by clinging to ideas that just aren’t working, and forgetting to chuckle at people’s silly foibles—your own as well as others’. This is confusing—plotting a course amidst intense desire always is—but as long as you’re determined to find a joyful, satisfying way through it all, you will.
Aries (March 21-April 19)
If you break the rules often enough, you can sort of develop a sixth sense about when you’re likely to actually get away with it, and when you’re not. With all the authority-subverting you generally do, yours is honed to razor acuity; however, your ability to actually heed it is not so well-developed. Too often, you get carried away by your enthusiasm and leap into the fray without seriously considering the outcome. That pattern’s got to stop, or at least take a break this week. You need to listen to the warning signs before you go outside the lines right now—or you’ll definitely get caught crossing them.
Taurus (April 20-May 20)
Don’t get too pissed off when someone’s almost cruelly blunt with you. Chances are, they tried more subtle approaches before, and these went completely unnoticed. Sometimes you’re oblivious to all but the most direct and obvious communication. That’s just as frustrating to those around you, so try to accept their brusque and frank treatment of you with good humor instead of annoyance. It’s actually pretty funny, if you can let yourself see it that way. If you’re able to allow a joke or two at your expense, such communications can be hilarious good fun, instead of angst-ridden drama—so I hope you can.
Gemini (May 21-June 20)
A diet of all snack foods isn’t likely to be particularly healthy. If that was all you ate for a year, I hope you wouldn’t be surprised to find yourself overweight and riddled with other health problems. So why is it a surprise to you that a spiritually similar “diet” has remarkably analogous results? What kind of nourishment are you giving your soul these days? I’m not suggesting you become a bible-thumping churchgoer, but you should seek out and discover experiences and people that feed this part of you before it’s too weak to get your ass up off the couch, even if it tried.