Aries (March 21-April 19)
You do know that you’re my favorite, right? Sure, I love Scorpios almost as much as you, but the truth is, I find you just as exciting, fun, sexy, and dynamic—and much easier to be around. Sometimes you have to deal with people who aren’t quite as thrilled as I am to have you close by, day in and day out—but surely not during your birthday season! In any case, minimize your contact with such losers and concentrate the bulk of your attention on your adoring fans. We’ll respond in kind, I promise.
Taurus (April 20-May 20)
Hardly anyone wins the lottery, mostly because so many people play. Ironically, if few played, it’d hardly be worth playing—since it’s the money from all those non-winning tickets that makes the jackpot so big. The same goes for whatever you’re involved with; as more people take part, it’ll only get better, more successful, and worthwhile. However, you’ll also get a smaller share of the success—if considered purely in terms of financial gain or notoriety. If, however, you measure success in how many people’s lives you improve, how much beauty you create, or how much stronger the connections are between you and those around you, it’ll likely score off the scale.
Gemini (May 21-June 20)
Everyone occasionally falls out with a friend. Most of the time, circumstances allow for mending those fences and restoring harmony between you, but sometimes (as when the fight precedes a distant relocation, or a death), there’s little to no chance to work things out, and a crack can widen into an unbridgeable gulf. This is a good week to fix things up with someone you’re not okay with. Don’t wait. Hopefully neither of you will die in the next week, but you’ve put off a resolution too long already. Hop on Facebook or the phone and reach out, already.
Cancer (June 21-July 22)
You don’t need to process everything. Some things (like your kids or roommate walking in on you having sex) are best simply never spoken of again, so everyone can basically pretend it never happened and put it behind them. Before you open your mouth, ask yourself what good could possibly come out of rehashing something, and how likely that’ll outweigh all the awkwardness or misery of having to talk it over. Nine times out of ten this week, you (and all those involved) will actually be better off if you simply change the subject and move on.
Leo (July 23-Aug. 22)
Generosity is one of your strengths, but like all strengths it can be a weakness. Being bighearted and giving is wonderful; playing doormat/ATM—not so much. You don’t want to ever cross over into being stingy, petty, or rude—always err on the side of being magnanimous. But this week you’ll need to demonstrate that you’re able to draw a line somewhere, and stick to it. Trust your gut here; it won’t steer you wrong. If someone steps across that line, don’t be mean—but do gently push them back to where they need to be.
Virgo (Aug. 23-Sept. 22)
Different people process grief, stress, or anger differently. Never interfere in such a process unless it’s causing (or likely to cause) serious, lasting harm to someone. If it’s simply unpleasant or inconvenient, suck it up and back off—for a good long while, anyway. It’s hard to imagine what others experience when shit happens to them, and just because they’re not coping the way you would doesn’t give you the right to butt in. This week keep this in mind: offering to help is always welcome, but forcing your “help” on someone almost never is.
Libra (Sept. 23-Oct. 22)
The life of the party can also be the party-killer. I had a friend who was consistently funny and entertaining—consequently, no one else could shine when he was around. People felt reluctant to interrupt his witty monologue with something that would probably be less clever or well-delivered than whatever he happened to be saying. I never did this, but I wish someone had taken him aside and said, “You’re a delight and all, but every ten minutes or so, shut up for five minutes—just to see if anyone else would like a turn in the spotlight.” Naturally, no one could diplomatically deliver such a message better than you Libras. If you know someone like this, please do—even if that person is yourself!
Scorpio (Oct. 23-Nov. 21)
I try to never shut any door completely. Sure, some are wedged closed pretty tightly, but I like to think that even those could be reopened if someone on the other side wanted it badly enough (and said the right things). You should emulate my practice. Sure, right now you may want to lock the door shut on this chapter and throw away the key, but life is change, and limiting yourself in such a way is rarely a good thing. Naturally, you don’t have to open that door if someone comes knocking somewhere down the line—but you ought to at least give it some open-minded consideration.
Sagittarius (Nov. 22-Dec.21)
You talk a big game, but can you live up to it? Or are you simply getting caught up in the moment, and saying shit you don’t mean, or won’t feel tomorrow? That’s called leading someone on, and it’s mean. This is about self-knowledge. I doubt you’re deliberately deceiving people. However, check what’s coming out of your mouth and make sure it’s something you’ll want and be able to stick to down the line—before you say it. Otherwise, you’re just setting someone up for disappointment, cynicism, and even bitterness. Things change, sure—but if you know yourself well, you can accurately gauge how likely that’ll be, before you get someone’s hopes up about something that probably won’t happen.
Capricorn (Dec. 22-Jan. 19)
If you add too much hot sauce to food it obscures the taste or even makes it inedible. Too little, of course, might prove too boring or bland for those you’d like to please. Naturally, I’m not talking about your cooking, but the way you present yourself to people. Trying too hard is like making a dish too spicy to eat. However, don’t try hard enough, and people will move on. This week is all about discovering the right amount of effort that’ll allow your full flavor to shine, without coming off as desperate or affected. It’s a tricky line to walk—so enlist whatever unbiased help you can get.
Aquarius (Jan. 20-Feb. 18)
You rarely ask to be the star of the show, but sometimes you’re just the best person for the role, and you get stuck with it, like it or not. Don’t waste a lot of time trying to get out of it, or sabotaging yourself. You’re here because you’re supposed to be; now it’s your job to simply try to live up to what people expect of you. That’s easier said than done, but at the end of the day, you need to trust that you’re not the least bad of a bunch of terrible options, but actually the best of a number of truly good ones.
Pisces (Feb. 19-March 20)
Don’t give away too much power. There’s a way to be honest and authentic without necessarily throwing all the balls into someone else’s court and waiting for them to make a play. Don’t race to the destination and be forced to wait for anyone to catch up. There are games and there games. There’s a time for throwing all your cards on the table—but generally it’s not right after they’ve been dealt. When it’s truly time, you’ll know. Until then, be genuine, and meet someone halfway to wherever you both want to go—but don’t go much further.