Aries (March 21-April 19)
Sex is fantastic, but don’t get carried away. Most Rams wouldn’t dream of entering a serious relationship where the sex didn’t rock, but you can sometimes place more value in this department than is strictly warranted. After all, as years go by, you’ll spend much more time out of bed with this person than in. Without an exceptional rapport when you’re not naked with each other, it’ll be a rocky road. Don’t be blinded by passion; make sure you’re into this person during the cold light of freshly post-coital day—before you commit to something that might not be as good when the sex isn’t as great.
Taurus (April 20-May 20)
Money’s great, but selling out isn’t. Of course, this is hardly a black and white issue, and everyone has to make compromises in order to bring in the dough. That’s just how it works. But ultimately only you can accurately gauge whether the ones you’ve made (or are thinking about making) feel “right.” If they don’t, there’s an obvious solution—simply saying no—but unfortunately very few people, especially in these crappy economic times, have the moral fortitude to turn down a buck in favor of their own admirable principles. The question is: do you?
Gemini (May 21-June 20)
Being obligated to something by someone else is galling. Sadly, plenty of people have enough nerve to sign you up for something without even asking. Now you’re in the awkward position of backing out, throwing your “friend” (or worse, spouse) under the bus, or performing a duty you never actually agreed to. Sleep on it. There’ll be fallout no matter what you decide—the question is who do you want it to fall on, who you wish will end up owing whom, and how much you’re actually willing to put up with. So many questions! You’ve got about a week to come up with the answers.
Cancer (June 21-July 22)
No one’s as good at making mountains out of molehills as a Cancer with too much time on her hands. Your busy brain requires emotionally charged stimuli most of the time, and if it doesn’t get it naturally, it’ll create some out of virtually nothing. Nine times out of ten, you regret these little episodes later, if you have a chance to reflect on them. The trick is anticipating that future regret and preventing it from happening by learning how to quell the drama before it erupts—and how to separate the real situations that ought to be addressed from the ones you just made up in your head. That’s this week’s task.
Leo (July 23-Aug. 22)
Be honest with yourself. If you’re not satisfied with how things are, only you can answer the question: “Can I learn to live with this?” If things must change in order for you to stick around for the long haul, clarify and communicate those changes as soon as you can, even if such demands reflect poorly upon you; you’ll look worse if you pretend everything’s alright and then bail months or years down the line, without warning. Your great strength is knowing yourself and owning your desires; failing to do so is almost unforgivable—so get on it.
Virgo (Aug. 23-Sept. 22)
Smart and flexible people redirect their non-productive or constructive energy. You can’t control your natural impulses and desires (and trying too hard to do so is very unhealthy; just ask all the poor guys who’ve tried to go “ex-gay” through homophobic religious conditioning), but you can use them to support your conscious choices rather than undermining them. If you’re horny for the mailman, use it to fuel your sex life with your partner. If you have a craving for adventure, figure out ways to make your life more adventurous—without messing shit up. Blindly following your strongest feelings is a bad idea; consciously and intelligently pursuing or redirecting them is a very good one.
Libra (Sept. 23-Oct. 22)
Even though you’re exceptionally capable of seeing and understanding different perspectives on an issue, when you feel something strongly, sometimes it’s hard for you to shut up about it. That can be extremely insensitive to someone coming at it from another angle, or worse, stuck in the middle and unable, for various reasons, to pick a side at all. This is one of those times when you must learn to keep quiet for the good of others, even if biting your tongue is extremely difficult to do. The momentary satisfaction of speaking up would be greatly outweighed by the regret that’d kick in a minute later.
Scorpio (Oct. 23-Nov. 21)
“Finders keepers, losers weepers,” may sort of work as a childhood adage, but in general that’s not how it should work in the adult world. Just because there are many unscrupulous people doesn’t mean you need to add to their ranks—quite the opposite, actually. Another person might pick up a lost wallet, pocket the cash, and toss the thing in the trash—you, however, should not. Consider it your job this week (and always, actually) to attempt to restore people’s decaying faith in humanity, even if it’s not in your financial best interest, not further undermine it.
Speaking the truth can often be redundant, and fairly pointless. Although I’m pretty sure you’re not one of those morons who feel compelled to share such astute observations as “Wow, you’re really tall,” or “Your hair is so red!” sometimes the truths you are inclined to share also don’t need to be spoken aloud, since everyone concerned is already just as aware of them as the 6’2 woman who’s forced to constantly acknowledge her height by simpleton strangers. It’s your job to speak the truth when no one else will. When everyone already knows it, just keep your mouth shut.
Capricorn (Dec. 22-Jan. 19)
This week encompasses one of my favorite “holidays,” April Fool’s Day. Most Capricorns I know aren’t such big fans of the kinds of pranks pulled on this day, but I have some advice to help you shift your perspective. Being pranked can be an indication of affection! Most of these stunts require forethought, planning, set-up, and knowledge of the person being fooled, or at least their situation. That someone would go to such effort for a bit of fun is either a sign they have too much time on their hands, or they simply care about you (or both). Whether you pity or appreciate them (or both), try to be patient and good-natured about the whole thing, won’t you?
Aquarius (Jan. 20-Feb. 18)
Some people talk too much and rob situations of any energy or feeling they might have had. Others talk too little and deliberately or accidentally deceive or mislead others. This week is finding just the right balance of communication, that’ll clue people in to the stuff they need to know, but not suck all the air out of the room. That’s an awfully tricky balance to strike, but if anyone’s capable of it, you Aquarians are. And since most of the other people involved are fairly terrible at it—it might just be up to you to either clarify the situation further for them—or tell them to shut up, already.
Pisces (Feb. 19-March 20)
Pisces loathe being forced to make up their minds more quickly than they want to. However, sometimes that can take ages. When your decision affects another person (particularly in regards to questions like, “Do I want to spend the rest of my life with him/her?”), rushing to a (perhaps poor) decision is a bad idea. However, stringing someone along while you take your sweet time figuring it out is worse, especially if it robs them of the chance to find an alternative should you decide against them. Reality check time. Asking for a few months to figure things out is perfectly acceptable; a few years, on the other hand, isn’t.