Pisces (Feb. 19-March 20)
If you’re wondering whether or not to ask the burning question that’s been on the tip of your tongue for ages now, ask yourself why you haven’t already. Is it possible you’re already pretty sure you know the answer—and it’s not the one you’re hoping for? You’ve dropped enough hints that the person in question is either preposterously clueless or not interested. This week, try considering the unasked question already answered, and see if you can move on to the next thing. If you discover you can’t proceed without hearing the words straight from the horse’s mouth, then go ahead and ask—but you’ll probably wish you could have just heeded my advice and let it go instead.
Aries (March 21-April 19)
If your agenda was to get smashed, you could simply consume everclear, which is typically 75-95 percent alcohol, but not necessarily all that pleasant. What’s the rush? It’d be a whole lot more fun to consume beverages you actually enjoyed, instead of being completely focused on the end goal of getting drunk. It’s fine to have goals (even such ludicrously silly ones as this), but when there are multiple available paths to achieve them, I’d urge you not to simply take the shortest straightest path, but rather the one that’s going to be the most fun.
Taurus (April 20-May 20)
Back in the 18th and 19th centuries, public fear of being buried alive led to the invention of numerous “safety coffin” designs, which included a bell that could be rung if one revived post-burial, and feeding and air tubes to aid survival while awaiting rescue. Although I’m sure these actually came in handy once or twice, I’m willing to wager that the overwhelming majority of those who purchased such devices never needed them. The precautions you’re considering are similarly outlandish and almost certainly unnecessary. If you can serenely spare yourself the trouble and expense, please do so.
Gemini (May 21-June 20)
Life is full of trade-offs. Don’t you think if there were one “perfect” option, you’d have figured it out by now? Instead, you’re faced with the interesting challenge of calculating which combination of positives and negatives will ultimately work out for the best. Don’t rush this. Your ability to see multiple perspectives may have you swinging back and forth indecisively for a while—but hang in there. If you keep examining the issue, you’ll eventually discover that one takes the decisive lead and make the best possible decision. You just need time to get there.
Cancer (June 21-July 22)
It’s one thing to work out more and eat healthier purely to attract a lover; pursuing positive action for imperfect motives is just fine. It’s quite another to get plastic surgery, crash diet, or otherwise do unhealthy things to yourself for these kinds of reasons. You can’t help what motivates you; in fact acknowledging it is much better than obscuring it from yourself. However, you can control to what lengths your desires drive you, and set clear boundaries about what’s worth it, and what isn’t. Since you’re precariously close to that line (or may have already stepped over), get this in check, pronto.
Leo (July 23-Aug. 22)
No matter how much you know about something, there’s always more you don’t yet know. Even if it’s something you yourself created out of the richness of your imagination, there are surprises left to be discovered. Being open to such revelations is the key to joy this week. Don’t assume you know everything—actually, adopt exactly the opposite attitude; assume you know almost nothing. Then, set out to explore and discover more. No need for dread. Although the surprises will be exactly that—surprising—they’ll also be excellent sources of delight and inspiration. Pretty cool, huh? The best part is that there’s always more where that came from.
Virgo (Aug. 23-Sept. 22)
Memory’s funny. Watch a movie you haven’t seen for a long time and you may not remember the plot points until they happen, when you say, “Oh yeah, now I remember.” Passage of time can fade knowledge of other people too—but their fundamental qualities will probably still be there. That might be a pleasant rediscovery if you reconnect with someone delightful you knew ages ago: “Oh yeah, this!” Of course, it might go the opposite route, for someone less wonderful: “Oh, right…this.” However, unlike movies—people change. Don’t box an old acquaintance into what you knew about them before, whether good or bad.
Libra (Sept. 23-Oct. 22)
Try less hard. It’s counter-intuitive, I know. When you want something this bad, your instinct is to go all out trying to get it. However, there are some things you can only achieve by staying cool as you pursue them, always keeping something back, in reserve. Some things you can only hold loosely, lest you crush them, or they struggle until they’re free. This week is all about figuring out when it’s time go full-throttle balls-to-the-wall, or when it’s time to chill out, wait, and just play it cool. Get it right, and there’s not much you can’t score here; screw it up and nothing you do will keep it all from just evaporating. No pressure, though!
Scorpio (Oct. 23-Nov. 21)
You find it fascinating when people are pushed to their limits. Really interesting stuff happens then and there. The trick is not shoving them over those limits, and breaking them. When you test people and help them realize their true potential, you’re at your best (even though they won’t often thank you for it, since such a process is frequently unpleasant); when you can’t keep them from getting seriously hurt, though, is when you’re at your worst. How good is your control? If you’re going to take someone to someplace dangerous, make sure you also have the ability to keep them safe.
Sagittarius (Nov. 22-DEC.21)
Patience is hardly your chief virtue. In some Sagittarians, it’s virtually absent. Unfortunately, some goals are only achieved by having the enduring serenity of a tick, a creature that can lie in wait for up to a couple decades waiting for something appropriately juicy to come along before it springs into action. I question whether or not you’re capable or willing to develop a similar ability; what I don’t question is whether or not it’s necessary. Your options are pretty simple: either learn to chill out and wait, long-term, or let this particular goal go.
Capricorn (Dec. 22-Jan. 19)
Everyone can incorporate small changes to improve their health and fitness and if they stuck to such changes, they would see results…eventually. However, people get impatient and expect huge results from tiny alterations in their behavior, and frustrated when things take longer. Is that what’s happening here? You may be expecting too much effect from too little action. Abandoning your strategy would be a bad idea; either replace it with something that promises more results, faster, or simply stick to it and accept that to get to where you want to go will require more patience than previously expected.
Aquarius (Jan. 20-Feb. 18)
If you expect people to consistently be honest with themselves about what they want, what they’re willing to do, and how much they’re capable of, you’re in for truckloads of disappointment. People lie to themselves constantly. Self-deception is commonplace—and consequently the inadvertent duping of others. You’ll recognize more enlightened people by their utter frankness and unwillingness to paint a picture that’s simply too good to be true. Value them. Even though the scenario they present isn’t nearly as pretty—it’s one you can believe in and count on. If that doesn’t mean something to you now, I expect you’ll just need to suffer another massive disappointment or two before it does.