Sagittarius (Nov. 22-Dec. 21)
You’re in a game of dodge ball I wish you’d lose. You’ve been playing for a couple years now, and you’ve gotten so wily and agile that I despair that you’ll never encounter a player good enough to knock you on your ass and give you what you so desperately need. On the one hand, when you finally do get a stinging slap in the face from an over-inflated emotional kickball, you’ll know you’ve finally met your match, for good or ill. On the other, the person with whom you’re exchanging volleys now could one day be your match (even if they’re not now), if you’d just ease up long enough for them to catch up. This week, try that.
Capricorn (Dec. 22-Jan. 19)
What do you want to do today? What about tomorrow, next week, and next year? If you’ve got it all planned out, you’re screwed. It’s good to have goals, and general directions in which to head. But if you tailor your future and try to control or conceive of every detail, you’re really just screwing yourself over. Why? Because the best things that are going to happen to you in the next year are those things you didn’t plan for—provided you allow them enough room to enter your life. These are things you encountered along the way to where you thought you wanted to go, but could never have expected. Keep moving. But keep an eye on the scenery along the way.
Aquarius (Jan. 20-Feb. 18)
You didn’t even know they were doing construction on your soul’s main avenue. But when they finally open up all the lanes this week, you’ll notice what you didn’t before—that movement through there has been awfully sluggish and congested. Happily, you’ve got all lanes in both directions fully functional, at least this week, and although they may have to shut down parts of your spiritual highway, for maintenance, in the weeks and months to come, it’s not soon likely to be the jammed two-lane highway it has been for months just past.
Pisces (Feb. 19-March 20)
There’s a relationship in your life that’s a little bit like caramel: so sweet it’s sticking to your teeth and giving you cavities. I’m not saying it’s bad for you, per se, but there could be ways to eliminate some of its unhealthier aspects without losing any of its deliciousness, sort of like diligently brushing your teeth immediately after eating sticky candy, so it wreaks as little havoc on your enamel as possible. Take those precautions this week. It’s a win-win: you’ll see a much better way to get along, and neither of you is likely to burn out or overdose for a long, long time.
Aries (March 21-April 19)
Rams start life with so much flash and pizzazz it becomes your daily challenge to outdo yourself—until at some point you cross a line of karmic progression towards your astrological neighbors, the Taureans, where you understand the beauty of the spotlight, of presentation, but it’s no longer the be-all, end-all of your existence. From then on you devote your life to quality, not just glory. Jump the gun and hop forward a few steps in your own evolution this week. You’ll have several opportunities to choose momentary stardom over working for subtler, long-lasting achievements this week. Please let them slide on by.
Taurus (April 20-May 20)
Style matters to you Taureans. Sometimes, how you do something is almost as important as what you do. If you can’t manage your goal with a little flair, you occasionally question whether or not to do it at all. Unfortunately, your panache-levels are quite low this week, while your ability to get things done is at a three-month high. Don’t waste it because your efforts may lack a little luster. They’re still worthwhile, even if they don’t seem thrilling and glorious. Besides, the people whose opinions you care the most about are more impressed by a solid, consistent record of accomplishment than they are about a few singular moments of brilliance.
Gemini (May 21-June 20)
Reprogram yourself. Don’t assume you’ve been immune to the kind of programming imparted to you by your parents, peers, and society. Don’t worry, this won’t require that you listen to smarmy self-help tapes, subscribe to ridiculous cultish philosophies, or anything else you’re naturally averse to. Simply acknowledge the new habit you’d like to acquire or the old one you’d like to lose, then diligently practice that wish, whether it’s eating less junk food, going to the gym more often, or ditching your tobacco habit once and for all. If you start it this week, you have a better chance of your new way of life actually taking root and sticking with you than if you try it during any other week all year.
Cancer (June 21-July 22)
Ask for what you want this week. This is a habit you’ve been cultivating in general, and hopefully you’ve found that if you clearly articulate your dearest desires you’re much more likely to get them. This week, particularly focus on your most important unmet need—this isn’t necessarily the most pressing one, just the one that matters the most in the long run. Then figure out what would satisfy it, and just flat-out request it, in simply the most lucid and honest words possible, even if it means taking out a personals ad, making a phone call to a neglected rich uncle, or confronting your boss.
Leo (July 23-Aug. 22)
Staying on top of the latest trend doesn’t interest you, generally. True, virtually every Leo has a phase (sometimes as short as a week or two, sometimes as long as a decade) where that’s important to them, but generally being au courant isn’t that high on your priority list. However, being stylish is a desire that never fades from the proud lion’s list of wishes. Thus you naturally tend to gravitate towards looks and attitudes that are best categorized as classic, timeless, and eternal. While none of them are really those things, it doesn’t matter. For all intents and purposes, old school cool suits and serves you better than nouveau anything ever could, especially this week.
Virgo (Aug. 23-Sept. 22)
You could use a good deep tissue massage. If you can spare the dough, treat yourself to just that, and if you’re too poor to splurge, at least call in one of the many favors you’re perpetually owed and get one of your best-qualified friends to give you the knead you need. I’m concerned because you’ve let a few old attitudes and ideas stagnate and crystallize inside you, manifesting as stiff and inflexible muscles (both mental and physical), slowing all forward progress significantly. As you know, these things are intricately interwoven. Thus, loosen the muscles, and you’re much more likely to shake free of those limiting concepts as well.
Libra (Sept. 23-Oct. 22)
Be a glutton for perspective. Seek out high places and other vantage points where you can see for long distances, catch glimpses of big pictures, and just generally view your life through a wider lens than you have in half a year or more. Don’t miss this window; if you achieve the whole-life panorama I’m wishing for you, it’s yours to refer to for months to come. If you don’t take the time to check it out now, you may not be able to find it again for the next month and a half, and you’ll also be missing out on all the good shit you could do with your expanded viewpoint during those six weeks.
Scorpio (Oct. 23-Nov. 21)
There’s a difference between knowledgeable wrongdoing and an unconscious mistake. Errors in judgment far worse than anything you’re capable of are generally more excusable because they’re done without the awareness of what’s so bad about them. Unfortunately, you can pretend no such naïveté. Keep everything strictly on the up-and-up this week, lest you get called out for being less scrupulous or honorable than you really are. That’s exactly the opposite of the kind of attention you need. Instead, lead by example, and just show off what you have in spades besides cleverness: integrity.
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