Libra (Sept. 23-Oct. 22)
Women with female support during the birth process require less pain relief, are less likely to have forceps deliveries or cesareans than those who lack the encouragement and assistance of other women. This makes perfect sense to me. What’s some guy going to be able to say or do more credibly or supportively than a mother who’s been through it? You may not be experiencing childbirth this week, but you’ll similarly survive and even flourish under your current stresses if you share them with someone who’s been through something similar. Find a kindred spirit. Even though you may initially bond on the basis of your pain or confusion, you’ll probably discover that your commonalities extend to places far beyond that, like hilarious fun, comforting affection, or lusty sex.
Scorpio (Oct. 23-Nov. 21)
You’re a human laser beam. Leos shine, Libras glow, Geminis sparkle. Those Aries burn hot and magnesium-bright. But when you decide to turn on your radiance, it’s fierce, dangerous and concentrated, like a laser. Be careful where you point it this week, because all eyes will be turned in your direction. It’s all fun and games until someone loses a retina. Your thorny task—find the one person with the emotional equivalent of ruby quartz goggles; in other words, someone who can take the full force of your undivided attention and not even break a sweat.
Sagittarius (Nov. 22-Dec. 21)
This is the last best week this year for a long-neglected thorough cleaning of your house and life. I know most people do this kind of thing in the spring, but you’re too busy during that season. When T-shirt weather hits, you want to run around and enjoy it, not stay inside deciding which clothes you’ll donate to goodwill. But meanwhile, a ton of useless detritus piles up, both inside your closet and your soul. You’ve got to get rid of it sometime. It’s a tedious task whenever you tackle it, but it’s likely to be slightly easier and less annoying this week, so why not get it out of the way?
Capricorn (Dec. 22-Jan. 19)
You had to leave your boots, pants and lucky underwear behind, sucked down by the mucky mire of your last four weeks, but you’ve finally slogged out of that swampy landscape onto slightly firmer ground—albeit more than half-naked and still surrounded by the dangerous fens you blithely walked into during the summer. Although you entered the quagmire obliviously, without even noticing, it’s going to take all your mental acuity, concentration, and determination to navigate your way out without getting chomped by an alligator, bitten by a snake, or consumed by quickmud. Don’t relax, Capricorn. You’re only out of danger when your eyes are open and you’re paying attention to every step you take.
Aquarius (Jan. 20-Feb. 18)
Try the old-fashioned way first. Whatever you’re attempting is more likely to get done, on time, if you do it the tried-and-true way you used to do it, instead of the supposedly more efficient modern methods you’re thinking about using. In this case, ignore the voices of “progress” or “reason” hawking faster, better or easier ways. Their schemes may be superior, usually, but they won’t be, this time. Do it the way you know. Whether the task is writing a book, getting a second date, or screwing someone over, you’re better off with a fountain pen, floral bouquet or voodoo doll than a computer, tattoo or lawsuit.
Pisces (Feb. 19-March 20)
You’re luminous, just in a slightly screwed-up way. That is, the parts of you that are glowing and attracting attention aren’t necessarily the ones you were hoping to light up and shine. It’s frustrating, isn’t it, to be waving your arms and begging people to notice your new hair color, attitude, or underwear, and all they focus on is your scuffed shoes, dog, or new laugh line or crow’s-foot. Unfortunately, there’s not much you can do this week about what people notice and what they don’t. So what are you going to do with your Day-Glo ass? Work it. Be a goddamn firefly.
Aries (March 21-April 19)
You rarely get second chances. Life is not a video game. When playing on your console you can restart the game as many times as it takes until you beat it. Out here in the real world, you’ve almost always got one shot, not as many as you may need. Unfortunately, there are parts of your life that you’ve unknowingly subjected to a video game mentality: “Next time around I’m going to try it differently.” Wake up. Do it differently now. Make yourself happy now. Make your life work for you now. If you’re not doing what you really want to do right this second, when will you be?
Taurus (April 20-May 20)
Your week may be uncannily sci-fi, a la Matrix or eXistenZ. Which level of reality you’re currently operating on will be less clear than it has in a long time, as you experience lucid dreams and a surreal waking life. Meanwhile, you’ll also have trouble trying to decipher double-entendres in conversations, or reveal subtext in the actions of those you’re interested in. At some point, you’ll have to throw up your hands and give up on trying to pare back the layers and just go with what is, without a lot of complicated and confusing interpretation. You’re not being shallow by only paying attention to the upfront surface of things—you’re avoiding the fatal overthinking that’s your only other option.
Gemini (May 21-June 20)
There are times when you long to lose yourself in the anonymity of a crowd, to recreate yourself a dozen times a day with hundreds of different strangers. And there are times when you crave the comfortable familiarity of old friends, where nothing needs to be explained; speaking at all isn’t entirely necessary. This week, you may have trouble deciding which—if either—of those you want. However, keep in mind the tired saw: if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it. Before you attempt to shock your trusted companions to the core, or chum up to new acquaintances as if you’ve known them half your life, consider a third option: keeping to yourself for a while. If you don’t, you may open doors you’ll wish you’d kept closed.
Cancer (June 21-July 22)
You’re an entire universe unto yourself. Trillions of creatures rely on you for life. Most of those beings are microscopic bacteria populating parts of your body, either symbiotically or parasitically. But there are also at least one or two slightly larger beings whose emotional galaxies are inextricably intertwined with yours. Each twist of your internal helix of philosophical constellations throws their orbits out of whack. Be aware of that this week. There’s nothing inherently wrong or right about the situation, but since the sharp-edged vortices of your darkest thoughts can open gaping black holes in somebody else’s soul, you might want to make sure you spawn a few brilliant suns for them, too.
Leo (July 23-Aug. 22)
This week presents you with a ray of real hope. You’ve persisted under chronically overcast skies for weeks now, never sure if your main endeavor has any chance at all—no matter how remote—of actually succeeding. Well, it does, and coming up pretty soon you should get at least a couple of very real clues about your odds. Don’t get too excited. It’s not a lock. You don’t have this one in the bag. But so what? You have a chance, a real one—and that’s more than you had last week. Now all that’s left is for you to go for it.
Virgo (Aug. 23-Sept. 22)
Let your creation achieve independence. Giving what you’ve made a life of its own that transcends yours is a powerful act, albeit a humbling one. (That Kermit could outlive Jim Henson is beautiful.) Your astounding capacity for transformation and invention means there are many beings, both real and imaginary, who owe you for what they’ve become. Although it’s sometimes difficult for both parties to let go of that, you must do so this week. Frankenstein, wave goodbye to your monster. Let him have his own desires, dreams, relationships, and free will. What you’ll lose is someone who’s indebted, or even subservient. What you’ll gain, when your progeny returns to shake your hand, is adoration, respect, and an equal.
To contact Caeriel send mail to email@example.com.