Leo (July 23-Aug. 22)
Unfortunately, you’ve developed the cynical habit of assuming the worst about what someone thinks of you. I don’t expect you to not give a shit; although a well-developed ego can make you mostly independent of others’ opinions, at root we’re social creatures, designed to care about what people think. However, please ditch the automatic negative assumption; it’s usually untrue. Luckily, this week’s an excellent time to refute and subvert those nasty habits of mind, and replace them with something better—put the burden of negativity on those concerned: assume everyone adores you unless they explicitly tell you otherwise.
Virgo (Aug. 23-Sept. 22)
Mistaken identities will be a recurring theme in the next fortnight. This week, people are likely to believe you to be someone or something you’re not. Indulge them, at least temporarily, by allowing them their illusions. You’re currently expanding to occupy more of your full potential, and someone else’s shoes might fit you better than your own right now. It’s not totally a lie, either: The delicious irony that’s only possible this week is that by pretending to be something you’re not, you invent the possibility of becoming exactly that.
Libra (Sept. 23-Oct. 22)
I wish I could hypnotize you, because you’ve temporarily forgotten something so basic it’s rooted in your essential nature. I’d love to access your subconscious, which knows there’s no need to flail like you did these past weeks. Your anxieties should wash over you harmlessly, not erode your confidence. Please stop thrashing, so you can remember that you’re not weak or desperate enough to be mean. Your immense power allows you to be universally gentle and generous, as long as you remember it. Relax. Take a deep breath and let it out, slowly. As much as you can, let tension sift from your muscles like grains of sand. Then let the following message settle in as deeply as possible: You’re more than strong; you are mighty.
Scorpio (Oct. 23-Nov. 21)
Identity issues! People are so keen to sniff out whatever you’re hiding. As the planets alter their subtle cosmic dance, your challenges change: Too many people are on the verge of discovering your most secret personalities, of connecting the dots between your inner Peter Parkers and Spidermen. It goes without saying that your superheroic effectiveness would be dramatically impaired by concrete discovery along these lines, which is why you should never allow that to happen. This week, do whatever it takes to throw your clued-in companions off the scent, and preserve your clandestine alter egos.
Sagittarius (Nov. 22-Dec. 21)
Your subconscious mind is a rescue dog. Your task is as admirable as theirs (to sniff out people trapped in the devastation of disaster). If all they find is corpses, those heroic hounds get so despondent they won’t eat or play. Thus their handlers make sure to end the day with a successful rescue—arranged if necessary—so the well-trained pups can discover, delightedly, “survivors.” Encountering obstacle after obstacle as you have can be as depressing as a day of digging up dead people. Handle yourself. Sustain your spiritual stamina by setting yourself up for success every now and then, so you can keep doing your job until it’s done.
Capricorn (Dec. 22-Jan. 19)
The first few generations of robots gifted with “artificial intelligence” may be able to observe, learn, reason, and act with impressive acuity. But they’ll be incapable of experiencing emotion or taking inspired, intuitive leaps. Our biological predilections might be viewed as inefficient handicaps by a machine consciousness; contrarily, they’d be our greatest gifts and strengths. Don’t accept the negative judgments being thrust upon you. Like our future robot friends, your critics are operating from their limited understanding of reality. You can’t reasonably blame them for their logical assumptions, but you know better than to take their underdeveloped censure to heart, don’t you?
Aquarius (Jan. 20-Feb. 18)
Canines, from wolves to poodles to dingoes, have managed to populate virtually the entire planet. They all come from a single ancestor, called the dawn dog, which originated 40 million years ago on the plains of North America. Their evolutionary strategy: extreme adaptability. Your own personal evolution should borrow from the genetically resourceful genus canidae. Don’t get locked into any one version of yourself. Since in the next month you may be required to manifest anything from savagely effective timber wolf to pampered Shih Tzu to loyal Labrador retriever, and a host of other specialized extremes besides, make sure you’re ready and able to move in whatever direction the situation demands.
Pisces (Feb. 19-March 20)
Right now, millions of blips of information are coursing around you and soaking into you: cellphone calls, radio waves, TV transmissions, etc. Despite being unable to sense them unaided, you don’t doubt their existence. You know they’re really there because others invented machines to generate or use them. Unfortunately, no one’s made a machine to detect other things you can’t see or smell, yet need to believe in. Your greatest sources of strength and comfort lie far beyond the range of conventional detection. Don’t let unrestrained skepticism keep you from them; take them on faith.
Aries (March 21-April 19)
China Miéville describes the titular location of his amazing novel, Perdido Street Station, as “the knot of architectural tissue where the fibres of the city congealed…the great variegated fortress of dark brick and scrubbed concrete and wood and steel and stone, the edifice that yawned hugely at the city’s vulgar heart.” I like imagining the actions you set into motion ages ago as trains, all running toward a similar “coagulate of miles of railway line.” Inside that dark, beautiful, and slightly scary internal junction, past errors and triumphs will intersect and interact, shaping everything about your near future, from the weather on down. Don’t despair. This conjuncture of key personal events is a crossroads, not a judgment. In other words, forget the many engines you rode in on. The one you leave on is the one that matters.
Taurus (April 20-May 20)
4 shots of absinthe and 4 hours of dancing later, I kept thinking of your recurring struggle to vanquish your worst habits. Given enough time and support, you could do it. But why should you go to such desperate and difficult lengths, when transforming them into praxes that help and feed you is so much better and infinitely easier? (My personal solution is to indulge my bad habits in equal parts with the good ones.) It’s much simpler to divert the fast-flowing rivers of your damaging impulses than to dam them. Easier said than done, you say. Not necessarily. Since this week may present some startlingly effortless and effective ways to do just that, it may be easier done than said.
Gemini (May 21-June 20)
Vultures have incredible immune systems. Habitually dining on rotting flesh makes them hardy; they’re naturally gifted with strong stomachs and a powerful resistance to viral and bacterial agents that would kill a less resilient creature. You couldn’t be less like those scavenging birds, but you might want to take your cue from them anyway. Your spiritual immune system could use some toughening up, especially considering some of the fucked-up crap that’s likely to come your way next month. Wouldn’t it be useful if the next time someone condemned you to eat shit and die, you could (metaphorically, at least) eat shit and live?
Cancer (June 21-July 22)
Dig deep. You may resist articulating your feelings because they sound ridiculous out loud. But don’t let them lurk deep in your soul’s most secret crannies, malignly pulling strings and making you act out in absurd ways. Emotions are irrational; it’s hardwired into their essential nature. Try to understand them anyway. These feelings are probably rooted in hormones, bowel movements, existential dread, loneliness, sexual frustration, or a myriad other possible factors—but not whatever you’re actually directing them at. Be careful of that. This week, instead of acting out, figure it out.
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