Cancer (June 21-July 22)
Although I’ve occasionally been known to badmouth Cancers (usually after an especially hard (and often unintentional) pinch), if only by repeating—and therefore reinforcing—less-than-flattering stereotypes, I don’t want you to think that I don’t adore you. I usually only mention your supposed shortcomings to point out their source—the hardships you suffer by experiencing emotional depths and heights that would ruin lesser men and women. Wield your famous Niagara-strength fount of compassion, fortify your ego with self-knowledge, and recognize your criticizers for what they often are: those who love you best.
Leo (July 23-Aug. 22)
You’re like a lion that’s stumbled upon a three-way tug-of-war over a leopard’s kill. Crocodile, hyena, and spotted cat are facing off over the dead gazelle. You’re hungry, but consider your choices before you indulge your appetite: You could leave the three to their morbid showdown, and concentrate on catching and keeping your own prize; you could dive in, probably getting roughly one quarter of the bounty; or you could wield your infamous roar to scare off one or more of the other predators, resulting in more for you. I don’t know which choice is best, but I can tell you what’s worse: not choosing at all.
Virgo (Aug. 23-Sept. 22)
One reason you’re able to juggle many diverse activities and handle them all expertly is your ability to focus on each one so intensely that it’s reduced to the simplicity of an old-school video game, like Pong. Yet you never lose sight of the big picture, and the way each individual piece fits into the larger puzzle that is your life. As with every strength, however, this one’s occasionally a weakness. For example, this week, you may encounter the kind of task whose complexity is irreducible, and whose relevance to your other goals and desires is ambiguous. You can return to superhuman multitasking next week, but for now accept your demotion to mystified human being (like the rest of us), and give yourself permission to bumble.
Libra (Sept. 23-Oct. 22)
Open-mindedness, flexibility, sensitivity—these are all good things, right? Not always. Libras are so good at perceiving and fulfilling whatever role a situation seems to demand of you that you do it almost automatically. By the time you check in with your feelings about the role you’ve started to play, it’s often too late to get out of it easily. Don’t be so eager to avoid conflict, disagreement, obstinacy. These are best defenses, because the decisions and commitments you make this week have more sticking power than usual. Make sure they’re ones you want before you agree to them. In other words, before you say, “I do,” ask yourself: “Wait…do I?”
Scorpio (Oct. 23-Nov. 21)
If you’ve ever been or known a 13-year-old boy, you’ve probably witnessed a helplessly fanatical dedication to some slightly ridiculous task, like beating a video game. In this state, he barely eats or sleeps until he’s accomplished his ambition. Most adults don’t know how to summon such raw, zealous determination. Scorpios, however, are blessed with just this ability. Unfortunately, this week your most obsessive tendencies may be oriented towards things that have little use in your larger life plan, like video games. Since a few of your real goals could benefit from a little consuming passion, try to redirect your inevitable urges at them.
Sagittarius (Nov. 22-Dec. 21)
Like any sexy spy, you have the usual array of tools to thwart the villains in your life—impenetrable disguises, connections, and the ability to hurl yourself, in classic chase sequence cliché, through a narrowing sliver of an opening, while your enemies dance in frustration beyond the door, window, or speeding freight train blocking their way. However, unlike in the case of fictional spies, your foes don’t actually consider themselves evil; they’re just operating from a different rationale. Therefore, don’t get too excited and action-oriented. Since you may have to face them in contexts where shooting them in the foot and running like hell won’t go over so well, like at work or in the bedroom, keep that in mind, and consider negotiation over aggression.
Capricorn (Dec. 22-Jan. 19)
Your best friends are the ones you never need to explain anything to; they already know your whole backstory, and virtually everything about you and everyone you know. Naturally, getting to that place of trust, knowledge, and experience usually takes a really long time, and as you get older, achieving that level of intimacy and comfort with someone is more and more of a challenge. However, my astrological forecast says that there’s no better week this year for you to meet a new best friend (without leaving your old ones behind). You get what you ask for, Capricorn. Now don’t waste it.
Aquarius (Jan. 20-Feb. 18)
Be warned: You’ve recently misplaced the ability to determine when enough is enough. You’re not usually prone to the kind of excess that Scorpios delight in, or Pisces helplessly succumb to. But this week, you’re likely to want to eat desserts until you puke, have sex ‘til you’re raw, or shop until you drop, literally. Even with my warning, you’ll probably stumble towards some extremes anyway. Don’t beat yourself up for your immoderation, however. Overindulgence can teach you almost as much about yourself as restraint. Until you figure out when fun stops being fun, you’ll probably always stop far short of that limit. Now that you know where it is, you’ll be able to party right up to it.
Pisces (Feb. 19-March 20)
Although Pisceans are just as moody and sensitive as Cancers, they’re rarely condemned or scorned the same way. People tolerate—and even adore—your sweet vulnerability, and get annoyed at similar mood swings in your crabby cousins. I believe this stems almost wholly from your profound ability to truly let things go—something those pincer-wielders are notoriously bad at. Although you sometimes envy them their dogged perseverance, and would occasionally do well to emulate it, this is not one of those weeks. Don’t screw up your good rep by clinging to the source of your shifting tempers—be it person, experience, or habit. Instead, demonstrate your famous ability: let it go.
Aries (March 21-April 19)
You’ve been so good. Over the past month or two, I’ve actually heard Rams described (by people who just met them recently) as low-key, or mellow. It’s good to know such adjectives lie within your range, but please don’t settle into placidity—we adore your excitement and zeal. Luckily, when the Full Moon hits your sign this week, you’ll have your chance to not only leap out of the woodwork you’ve been hiding in recently, but set it on fire. That’s right—this is your astrological mandate: Bust out of your quiet disguise and don’t bother putting it back on until everyone in the room knows who you are.
Taurus (April 20-May 20)
This is a good week to forgive someone for foul deeds performed in a past life, pass along a treasure left to you by a nearly forgotten ancestor, or plan a surprise for someone you barely know (but would like to know better). These kinds of acts, which require a high degree of sensitivity and an ability to focus on something besides yourself, are likely to be rewarded—as well as rewarding in and of themselves. On the other hand, more selfish or self-absorbed actions, like escalating a grudge, asking for a raise, or throwing a party for yourself, are likely to backfire dramatically. Need I say more?
Gemini (May 21-June 20)
You’ve occasionally judged others for lacking what I call stick-to-it-iveness. Some people give up on things like relationships and jobs at the first signs of difficulty. That sucks, but sticking it out beyond a certain point does, too. Lately, I’m worried that you’re taking your concept of commitment too far. Yes, when it’s good, and real, it can be painful sometimes—just make sure that it’s not consistently hurting you out of all proportion of what it’s worth to you. You’re famous for your loyalty, and cherished for it, but please don’t carry it such extremes that you end up hating yourself—not when you could be finding someone who’s actually worthy of it, instead.