Leo (July 23-Aug. 22)
Remember the story of the Velveteen Rabbit? It was a stuffed toy that longed to be real. I sometimes imagine you burdened with a similar craving. Not that you’re fake—au contraire! But you are aware that many people project a warmer, fuzzier image onto you, instead of seeing the “real you.” This week, show off your true nature, even if it shocks some people, something along the lines of ripping off your cute pink bunny nose and throwing it playfully (but effectively) in someone’s eye, perhaps while demonstrating your fearsome Lion’s roar, shattering all their previously held illusions about you.
Virgo (Aug. 23-Sept. 22)
Are you worthy of seduction, Virgo? Someone would love to woo you with hidden poetry and zany midnight serenades and wild surprises. But are you ready for that much fun? Are you prepared to rise to the occasion and help create an enormous love? Or will you cheapen it all by accepting the gifts and ultimately deciding you’re not good enough to deserve something so good? You are worthy; if only you’ll believe it. Take this chance to be (and love) the person you really are; sweetness like what awaits you is so rare you may have to wait years or lifetimes until it comes around again.
Libra (Sept. 23-Oct. 22)
Are you supported and loved by your family and community? Do you feel like if you fall, you’ll be caught, helped up and loved? What you’ve been contemplating is like jumping off a building into the arms of your crowd. Are you sure your last sight won’t be panicked people surging in all directions to get out from under you, leaving you in a perfect circle of splat? I don’t think you need to doubt your vital place in your community, but in case you do anyway, let me tell you: the best way to be sure you’ll be caught in the safety net is to be part of the safety net.
Scorpio (Oct. 23-Nov. 21)
This week you may find your heart in an uncomfortable place, like your throat. Don’t waste energy swallowing it back to somewhere less frightening. Spit it out instead. Inspect the poor, neglected organ. Check it for injuries. Is it bruised? Battered? Atrophied? Torn? Conduct some impromptu kitchen-table heart surgery if necessary. Perhaps it needs to be gently held and fed with an eyedropper, like an abandoned baby bird. Or maybe it craves lullabies and bedtime stories, or possibly some racier action. Once you’ve cuddled, sung or screwed your heart back to radiant health, put it back where it belongs. But don’t forget to use it, though, or you’ll be right back where you started.
Sagittarius (Nov. 22-Dec. 21)
Oh, you can be gentle. I know you. When you wish, you’re as soft, fuzzy and cute as a baby kitten. But even in your adorability, you retain those sharp little teeth and that unpredictable demeanor. Sheathe those needlelike claws. Right now, it’s your sweet vulnerability that’s most important. We already know you’re tough, but all that gusto, that machismo/femismo, can only get you so far. Instead of trying to surprise people with your muscular ego, why not awe them with your willingness to show it all? You’re a big fan of truth, in general. Broadcast yours.
Capricorn (Dec. 22-Jan. 19)
You’re like a beleaguered, battered spaceship, harried by enemies. You escape with an extra burst of power, diverted to propulsion from shields and weapons systems. Or maybe you’re more like a marathon runner who miraculously draws on tomorrow’s reserves to pull into the lead on the final sprint today. I’m glad you expect so much of yourself. It’s good that you’re so aware of your priorities—this week, you’re capable of going most (or all) of the way to their fruition. Screw next week. It’ll take care of itself. You’ll be able to face its challenges more easily if you’ve successfully and completely taken care of this week’s shit.
Aquarius (Jan. 20-Feb. 18)
I dreamt you were part of a team of dynamic superheroes. No one on your team felt personally called to the duty of protecting society or fighting crime; it was simply required by virtue of your superior abilities. You’re asked, often, to bend to the will of a group oriented toward worthy goals that are nevertheless not your own—something neither painful nor intolerable, but not vastly pleasurable, either. Hard work rarely is. Reaping the rewards, though—as you will next week—is always fun. Do your job this week, and hope for the resulting cheers, the glory, the mayoral delivery of the key to the city. If all else fails to motivate, remember: The hero always, always gets the girl (or boy).
Pisces (Feb. 19-March 20)
I’m in awe of saplings that spring up between cracks in the sidewalk, eventually causing the concrete to buckle and break, or the stubborn refusal of thorny blackberry vines to give up their territory. Their incredible determination has to be respected, just as yours does, especially once you succeed at pushing through the forces that struggle to pave you over completely. This week, your battle should get a little easier. The psychic equivalent of an earthquake should free you from some of your limitations as hundreds of new cracks—in other words, places to grow—finally appear.
Aries (March 21-April 19)
The government of Bhutan has as one of its guiding precepts the function of increasing Gross National Happiness. While I have no idea what system they use for measuring such a subjective state, nor how effective it actually is, I still find it a wonderfully admirable intention, far preferable to simply increasing profits or lowering taxes. Basing most governmental decisions on whether or not they’ll make people happier in the long run is pretty awesome. When making choices this week, attempt to increase your Gross Local Happiness. Choose actions that will make you and those around you happier, and I really can’t see how you can go wrong.
Taurus (April 20-May 20)
Even during your low moments, you’re a formidable beast. There may come a time when you’ll need to put on a lamb outfit and assume the camouflage of one who’s quiet and meek, but not this week. Instead, set your buoyant confidence meter on “steady,” like a competent ship’s captain who’s preparing to sail into treacherous waters. Despite the sharp coral reefs, titanic waves and tumultuous storms that threaten your course, you have the skills and self-knowledge now to bring yourself to safe harbor with nary a scratch. So keep a firm hand on the tiller and issue the only order that’s becoming to a leader as heroic and inspiring as yourself: “Full sail ahead!”
Gemini (May 21-June 20)
Picture an arm-thick cable, like those enormous hawsers used to secure huge ships to dock. They support tremendous weight and strain. That giant rope is composed of hundreds of smaller lines, each made up of many tiny threads. Individually, those filaments snap easily. But when woven into unity with other threads, their collective strength is magnified. Right now, you’re a haphazard, random bunch of loose ends. But if you really wish to accomplish your ambitions in the coming weeks/months/years, your task is clear—weaving at least some of those divergent convictions, ideas, opinions and dreams into a coherent whole.
Cancer (June 21-July 22)
You’re a bulldog this week: so ugly you’re cute. You’re like a bodybuilder in a ballet contest—where your immense strength does you absolutely no good—though you do cut a rather striking figure in that tutu. When you take some things to their most extreme, they become what they’re not. Your beauty isn’t such an asset when the modern-day equivalent of a hungry dragon is on the prowl for gorgeous young maidens. It may be frustrating to have to watch all your strengths become weaknesses, even if only temporarily. Take heart in the fact that the reverse is also possible—your most crippling weaknesses may serve you far better this week than your supposed strengths.
Leo (July 23-Aug. 22)