One of my favorite Virgos was born on September 11th, decades before it became infamous in 2001. Now her birthday is completely eclipsed. I reckon she ought to change it, just as you should do what you can to escape whatever’s keeping you from having a special day of your own. Virgos suck at taking time for themselves, and you’re so unstintingly generous that it’s hard for us to get a good deed in edgewise. Let us give you a day (at least) that’s devoted to your happiness and wellbeing. A birthday is a convenient and familiar excuse to do just that, so make sure (by whatever means) yours falls on a day when nothing else will get in the way.
Libra (Sept. 23-Oct. 22)
You haven’t lost your game, though it may feel like it. It’s just that your ruling planet (Venus) is in retrograde, moving backwards and fouling up even your most tried-and-true techniques for charming people and getting things done. Luckily, Venus is set to pull out of that depressing slump on the 7th, and all your old tricks should start working again (assuming they ever did)—if, that is, you haven’t let self-doubt settle in under your skin. That would botch all your best-laid plans far more effectively than any measly astrological forces ever could.
Scorpio (Oct. 23-Nov. 21)
According to Biblical apocrypha, the Grigori were angels who rebelled against God. They had sex with humans (giving birth to giants called Nephilim) and taught people all the stuff that God wanted kept secret from them, like the arts of cosmetics and war. I understand why God might have wanted to keep his children innocent forever, but every kid needs a rebellious big brother or wild aunt who’ll teach him to smoke pot and listen to decent music. Some of you Scorpios, like the Old Testament God, can sometimes be a bit jealous regarding your partners, children, and even friends and resent it when they’re exposed to things you don’t approve of. It is, however, inevitable. Resisting it will only lead to more rebellion. I suggest that even if you can’t exactly support and enable this kind of thing, at least get out of the way.
Sagittarius (Nov. 22-Dec. 21)
People who are able to perform prodigious feats of memory are occasionally simply quite gifted, but more often have simply mastered intelligent tricks that help their brains better retain long strings of information. You’ve relied on your natural talents more often than is wise, so you’ve failed to develop the kinds of skills that help less gifted people keep up. Imagine how much you could accomplish if you picked up a few of those kinds of tricks, ones that might magnify or build upon the talents you’ve already got.
Capricorn (Dec. 22-Jan. 19)
Most of the people you know respect you. Most of them probably like you too, but how many of them know you like them? How many actually feel close to you? I know you’re a private (and busy) person, but do yourself a kindness and open up a little this week, would you? It’s not necessary for success, nor even necessarily for your happiness (though I’d bet it’d make your life feel richer). However, can you deny that it would raise the sum total of joy in the lives of those around you? I think it would, and there’s no good reason to deny them that, is there?
Aquarius (Jan. 20-Feb. 18)
What if children were taught to truly value difference, creativity, and independent thought? They are, superficially, but the underlying lessons they learn are more about conformity and toeing the line. Remember: “Which of these things is not like the other? Which of these things does not belong?” Imagine how great it might be if both cooperation and extreme individuality were widely encouraged and celebrated, rather than an emphasis being placed on “fitting in.” “Normal” and “average” are boring. This week, do what you can to make sure the extraordinary and unusual get the kind of validation they deserve.
Pisces (Feb. 19-March 20)
Sometimes being sick isn’t such a bad thing. Having a cold, for instance, can be an excuse to wallow in bed, play hooky from work, and do the things you really want to do, guilt-free. Some Pisces even make themselves sick simply to acquire such an excuse. This, however, shouldn’t be necessary. You simply need occasional periods of intense downtime, and you shouldn’t have to make yourself physically ill to get them. Do what you’ve got to do to get what you need, but surely there’s a way without resorting to such extreme measures.
Aries (March 21-April 19)
You can’t quantify love, and asking those who care about you to do so just isn’t fair. I know sometimes you simply want some kind of proof that people really give a shit, but pushing them to extremes so they’ll “prove it,’ is a terribly bad idea. Asking for sacrifices as demonstration of fidelity was petty and horrible even when the Old Testament God did it; how much better do you think it would make you look? Loads of love is about trust and faith, and if you really require proof of that, consider the possibility that maybe you’re simply looking for love in the wrong places.
Taurus (April 20-May 20)
True courage is doing whatever’s right regardless of whether anyone will know about it. True generosity is the same; giving a gift with an expectation of anything—even a thank you—isn’t quite as altruistic as giving one anonymously, so the beneficiary would never even know where it came from. How well-rooted are your principles? Studies about altruism show that for most people doing what’s right often depends on whether or not other people will know about or acknowledge it. This week, try to do the right thing in a way that takes social factors out of the equation. Make praise, recognition, and appreciation irrelevant.
Gemini (May 21-June 20)
It’s one thing to live in the moment, Gemini, but it’s another thing to fail to prepare for your own future. I don’t even mean specifics, necessarily; I mean that some of you are in denial about one of life’s basic truths: everything changes. You won’t be able to continue on as you have indefinitely, whether it comes to your sex or love life, your job, your looks. Even your habits will have to change. A smart Gemini plans for this. She gives herself some options. Have you done the same for yourself? If not, devote this week to coming up with some good ones.
Cancer (June 21-July 22)
You’ve heard of taking things one day at a time. Sometimes though, even that’s too much. You might have to resort to taking things one minute at a time, or even one second at a time. Concentrate on visualizing yourself on the other side of whatever miserable mud-pit you find yourself in, and just slog through it without looking too closely at just how much misery lies between you and that distant end-point. How much can you handle? A second? A minute? Then take that on, and worry about the next minute when you have to. Eventually, you will get to the other side.
Leo (July 23-Aug. 22)
I used to read 3-5 books a week, but in recent years I’ve slowed down. Now I only read 3-5 books a month. I miss it, especially since my book-buying habits haven’t slowed down as much as my reading habits–I now have a towering stack of books waiting to be read. Your mental habits or proclivities have also recently diverged from what you actually do in real life. Whether it’s a stack of unused condoms, unanswered emails, or unread books that’s starting to haunt you, a change is necessary. Maybe you need to make room for your old habits, or else acknowledge that other things have really and truly shown up to take their place. Either way, see what you can do this week to bring your real life back into synch with your mental one.