Cancer (June 21-July 22)
Never underestimate anyone’s capacity to self-delude. Many people expertly rewrite reality in their own minds to suit whatever outlandish notions appeal to them. Give them the slightest bit of wiggle room and they’ll stretch it into a mansion of glorious self-deception. In this case, it’s probably better to not let them go there, since when that thing sinks into a quagmire of suddenly revealed truths, you’re likely to get sucked down with it. Be sparklingly clear. Even if it seems extremely unlikely that they missed the many clues you’ve dropped, make absolutely certain they have the right idea, or you’ll be a very sad panda a little further down the line.
Leo (July 23-Aug. 22)
If you want to sell your old car, clean it up really well. Fix up a few things and basically make it look as good as possible. Anyone buying a used car knows the thing won’t be perfect, but it’s easier to accept those imperfections if the car looks great. Accentuating its flaws is a losing strategy. Think of yourself as that used car: a little beat-up, but still running strong and retaining the capacity to still go on at least a few more long road trips. There’s no need to be dishonest, but putting a spotlight on your own shortcomings is a crappy way to sell yourself. Don’t do it.
Virgo (Aug. 23-Sept. 22)
If a mad scientist transferred your mind into the body of an octopus, it would take some time to learn how to control your eight boneless limbs, to figure out how to swim and eat and communicate. At first you’d be fairly helpless – understandably so! I hope that you wouldn’t be too down on yourself while you processed all that new information. Take it similarly easy now. You may not have acquired four extra limbs, but you might as well have. Go slow, and exercise a saintly amount of patience with yourself. You’ll get at least that much from everyone else – so be kind enough to give it to yourself.
Libra (Sept. 23-Oct. 22)
Our minds like being busy. In fact, they won’t long tolerate inactivity. If you don’t give yours enough to do, it’ll make shit up to keep itself entertained – usually by causing loads of trouble and making big messes. The source of most interpersonal drama is a too-idle mind (or a few). Put yours to work fast, before it starts more fires than you have time to put out. It’s already got a lit match in one hand and a sloshing canister of gasoline in the other, so I’d move quickly if I were you. Get busy, or get burned.
Scorpio (Oct. 23-Nov. 21)
If you adopted a 5-year-old child who’d been raised by wolves and never been around humans before, what are the first things you would teach them about fitting in to human society? Certainly reading and writing are important, but they would have to wait until after they’d learned how to speak, clothe themselves, and use the toilet, no? Now pretend the person you’re trying to share a bit of your hard-won wisdom with is this little wolf child. Isn’t it possible (even likely) that the reason they haven’t taken on much is because your lessons have come in entirely the wrong order?
Sagittarius (Nov. 22-Dec. 21)
Naturally, if someone was holding open the door to a jail cell and hailing you over, you probably wouldn’t respond too favorably to their calls of “Hey, come and get in this cage!” However, that’s essentially what you’re thinking about doing. The prison you might enter is gilded and much more luxurious than the bare cell I mentioned above (and possibly more posh than your current circumstances). However, be sure you know what you’re really getting into. Hear what they’re really saying. It may not sound a whole lot like “Climb into this trap,” but that might be what’s meant nevertheless.
Capricorn (Dec. 22-Jan. 19)
Common sense is poorly named, since sometimes it seems that hardly anyone has it. Don’t count on it this week, or you’ll be sorry. Play it safe. Even if you think something goes without saying, or ought to, say it anyway. People might think you’re an idiot, yes. They might believe you think they’re idiots. The problem is, all it takes is one moron mixed in with the bunch to screw things right up. It’s better to be insultingly redundant than to risk getting burned because you assumed, wrongly, that logic and reason would prevail.
Aquarius (Jan. 20-Feb. 18)
Imagine you’re a tree with its roots sunk deep into a riverbank. You’ve got it made, right? Even in tough times, when every other green thing for miles around is withering in a heat wave, you still flourish. There can be too much of a good thing, however. Suppose the river floods, and all that precious dirt is washed out from under you. I’m glad you’re living in abundance, but be aware that too much of anything – be it wealth, attention, or even talent – can end up carrying you far from all you’ve ever known and loved, and you’d have about as much chance of returning there as a tree swimming upstream. Embrace your abundance and let it carry you away, if you wish, but at your own risk.
Pisces (Feb. 19-March 20)
Being so unique and eccentric is both plus and minus, depending on the situation. Sometimes it’s a matter of knowing when to focus on the fascinating differences between you and other people, and use them as a source of pride and strength; other times it may be better to accentuate all the ways you are just like the people around you. Figuring out which to do when is a key to your success this week – and flubbing it up could really mess things up for weeks to come. So turn up your social sensitivity and get it right!
Aries (March 21-April 19)
Water, ultimately, is more destructive than fire, and harder to resist. It might take a bit longer, but its effectiveness and thoroughness are indisputable. Destruction has its place, as you know. It’s the way to make room for something new. When you decide to tear something down, embrace methods that are more like water than fire, even if that goes against your habit and nature. You’ve done the slash and burn thing. You’ve also done the Molotov cocktail (bomb and flee) thing. This time, skip fiery explosions and try slow erosions instead. Fires can (and will) be put out.
Taurus (April 20-May 20)
If you set up a dairy cow to receive twice-daily milkings, it’s quite painful for her if she doesn’t get them. Similarly, through a concerted effort, you’ve created certain expectations. Just because you’ve changed your mind now doesn’t necessarily change things for anyone else. If the farmer decides they no longer need the milk, they can’t exactly just stop milking the cow. That’d be ridiculously cruel, and entirely unnecessary. There’s a much more graceful and gradual way for both you and that farmer to change the situation, if it needs changing. Keep looking until you find it.
Gemini (May 21-June 20)
You’re like a plant growing up in the shade. From where I’m standing, you have two options: extending branches to somewhere there’s more sun, or learning to survive and thrive without much direct sunlight at all. Staying in the shadows and bitching about it, while technically an option, is so lame it’s not worth considering. Figure out what your next step is. Either of the possibilities I listed could work out for you, with a little effort on your part. You simply have to decide what you want. Hanging out here – where you’re not exactly satisfied – has gone on long enough. Decide on your next chapter this week, and start moving towards it.
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