Taurus (April 20-May 20)
Last time you locked horns regarding this particularly touchy topic, you lost (or won so indecisively it doesn’t count). What confounds me is that you’re heading back into battle wielding the exact same strategies and arguments you used last time. Why would you think the outcome would be any different? Be more creative than that, Taurus. Can’t you find another, better way to advance your agenda? You will need to be open-minded and flexible–so much so, that you might begin to see things the way your opponents do. And that, you may realize (if you’re not too stubborn), is hardly the worst thing that could happen.
Gemini (May 21-June 20)
We don’t give much value to dreams in our culture. To be fair, most dreams probably don’t mean anything, at least on any level that’d be useful to you in your waking life. But occasionally your subconscious mind uses that forum to communicate something essential that your conscious mind may be missing or (semi-deliberately) overlooking. You needn’t necessarily act on one seemingly significant dream along these lines (although I’d consider it, at least), but once you’ve had three, you’d be kind of foolish not to, even if (perhaps especially if) it’s something your conscious mind isn’t all that crazy about.
Cancer (June 21-July 22)
Resist the urge to “test” people. Setting traps for people to get caught in, proving correct your own worst fears and suspicions about them, is incredibly screwed up. It’s also a form of self-sabotage; if you set someone up to trip and fall, they probably will, thereby proving your most negative views about the world. It doesn’t have to be that way. Hope for the best (or at least the very good), especially this week, but really every week. This means you’ll be disappointed, perhaps even often. But it also means you’ll be occasionally delighted—an option the test-and-trap scenario simply won’t allow.
Leo (July 23-Aug. 22)
In some cultures, a girl’s first menstruation is proudly, publicly announced and celebrated. In our culture, it’s generally a different story. Some of the women I know experienced fear and confusion when they got their first periods; most suffered some form of embarrassment. In some cases, this purely natural and inevitable phenomenon is a continuous source of shame or disgust that must be shrouded in secrecy. I’m sick of the way people allow themselves to be programmed to reject or hide the natural functions of their own bodies. We all shit, stink, bleed and get horny. Why are you still feeling shy about any of that? This week, get over at least some of that lameass uptight bullshit, if you can.
Virgo (Aug. 23-Sept. 22)
When things are going really well, you get delusional. The pervasive conviction that you can control everything creeps up on you, and, before you know it, you’re fully in its thrall. Then when things inevitably go awry, you get your panties all twisted in a knot. If you simply insist on being deluded, please head in the opposite direction, and assume nothing is yours to command or define. The truth, of course, lies somewhere between, but you may find that while the illusion of absolute control produces only anxiety, disappointment, and frustration, letting go of that control is likely to bless you with relief, satisfaction, and delight.
Libra (Sept. 23-Oct. 22)
I’d love to see you puff up your chest and take dominant control of a situation. I’m picturing you–perhaps dressed in black leather and wielding a whip–barking commands and dishing out consequences for others’ mistakes. You’re probably laughing at me, though, because you know even better than I do that this just ain’t your style. You tend to opt for more diplomatic, polite, non-confrontational methods. However, I hope that even if you forgo the black leather, you’ll consider being more direct and forceful this week. The situation requires it, since tact and gentle reminders won’t get the job done.
Scorpio (Oct. 23-Nov. 21)
Don’t confuse yourself. You know what you want. You know what you like. What’s messing you up is that you wish you desired and adored different things than you actually do. It’s very tricky. I’ve seen people marry someone because they look like the person they think they ought to marry, instead of choosing the one who actually makes them happy (and horny). Screw that goody-goody programmed self, who’d have you ignore your actual desires. I promise you that your perfect lover and partner will not look or act anything like what you imagined. Continuing to cling to those illusions will mean you might miss out on the real thing entirely.
Sagittarius (Nov. 22-Dec. 21)
I have an unemployed neighbor who can be seen at all hours restlessly strolling around with his dog or lounging in the sun smoking a joint. At first glance, it might seem like he’s living the nice life (he gets a nice government check that keeps him in clothes, food, and pot), but I know better. That kind of thing is lovely for a week or two here and there, but after months on end, I suspect he’s dying for something to do. You’re so intent on your pursuit of freedom that I’m not entirely sure you’d know what to do with it if you got it. In other words, I’ll whip out that old saw: be careful what you wish for; you just might get it–and it might not be nearly as good as you thought it would be.
Capricorn (Dec. 22-Jan. 19)
If you’re not ready now, when will you be? You’ve been avoiding fulfilling your dreams or getting into a serious relationship (heck, some of you are even avoiding casual ones) for how long now? Ages. Way too long, and way longer than you intended, if you’re honest with yourself. And what’s changed? Not a whole lot. Now, if you can truly promise that you’ll be ready on a specific date in the near future (six months, tops) to finally let yourself go there, and provide good reasons for waiting until then, I might let you off the hook. Otherwise, my command is unequivocal: Stop waiting. Open up. Dive in. Now.
Aquarius (Jan. 20-Feb. 18)
The person (or people) you want to impress doesn’t give a shit about mitigating circumstances. In fact, your ability to cope with mitigating circumstances is part of what they’re evaluating here. “You make it sound like I’m auditioning for something or interviewing for a job,” you might say. In a way, you are. Negotiating a relationship, for example, is a lot like closing a business deal, even if the language is a lot different and much of the give and take is non-verbal and not in contract form. Don’t bother complaining that this isn’t fair, that you’re not ready, etc. Nobody cares. Just rise to the challenge, shine, and impress. You can.
Pisces (Feb. 19-March 20)
You have a powerful intuition, but sometimes simply heeding its urges isn’t enough, especially when there are so many different (and often conflicting) ones; you end up taking a couple steps in a dozen different directions, and ultimately don’t go anywhere. Aren’t you tired of being stuck in the same place? I’m a big fan of trusting your gut, but you have a head for a reason. I still say go with what your instincts are telling you–but this week use your brain to decide which instincts to heed, and which to at least temporarily ignore, in favor of forward progress.
Aries (March 21-April 19)
Ah, hindsight is a wonderful, miserable, terrible thing, isn’t it? Sometimes it’s only by looking back on a situation, relationship, or job that you can see how absolutely wrong it was for you. In retrospect it’s astounding how long you endured those circumstances without realizing how bad they were for you. It’s good that you realized it eventually, at least, even if it took you ages longer than it should have. There’s no point in kicking yourself about those past mistakes. What you really need to concentrate on instead is trying to keep yourself from making new, similar ones, which is far more likely than it ought to be.
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