Pisces (Feb. 19-March 20)
I’m not a skilled carpenter, so when I built a loft bed (and a set of steps for my dog), I sustained a myriad minor injuries: plenty of little cuts, scratches, and splinters. I also had to modify my designs several times, because my inexperience caused me to make a few errors of judgment. Be willing to frequently alter your plans this week, and prepared for scrapes and bruises (emotional or otherwise). You’re attempting something you’ve never tried before. I’d actually be offended if you got it right the first time. Luckily, that’s unlikely. Get out the Band-Aids and get to work.
Aries (March 21-April 19)
You get up for a midnight snack, devour a ham, cheese, and mustard sandwich, then wonder why you have bizarre, disturbing dreams all night (if you’re able to sleep at all). What I’m trying to get at here is that the things that happen to you this week stem directly from your own actions. They’re the natural and predictable fallout from things you’ve done (and continue to do). Don’t try to blame this stuff on anyone else. The responsibility lies squarely on you. I don’t mean to be harsh or too strict. It’s just that the problem won’t resolve itself until you figure out (and admit) exactly what’s causing it: you.
Taurus (April 20-May 20)
It’s very difficult to imagine you as frail or delicate; almost everything about you contradicts that. But nevertheless it’s possible for people to underestimate your strength this week. But right now the best expression of your strength is in making yourself open, receptive, and vulnerable–which of course to some people could seem like pure weakness. So what? Don’t let their limited expectations force you to slam emotional doors and retreat into a closed-off, stronger-seeming position. Why not? Because the person, idea, or feeling you’ve been keeping the gates of your heart open for hasn’t quite made it inside yet.
Gemini (May 21-June 20)
When indulging your unfortunate tendency to dwell on your own flaws, please remember: they’re only flaws in your eyes. You can, perversely, be loved because of them. That’s particularly likely this week, when your many virtues will only intimidate people they ought to attract. You know you’re a lovably imperfect being, but for those encountering you for the first time, you can occasionally be incredibly off-putting and otherwise inaccessible. Luckily, it’s easy to make that obvious to those who might not know it yet. If you think you’re making an amazing impression, be sure to screw it up, just a little, by publicly picking your nose, crying, or rolling around on the floor with the giggles.
Cancer (June 21-July 22)
Some of your old habits and rituals have collapsed or imploded. I feel for you; it’s rough giving up cherished routines, especially for a creature of habit like you. But it’s also exciting to forge new ones. Of course, this has to happen naturally; you can’t arbitrarily decide that this will be your new best friend, favorite hangout, or regular route, etc. You’ve got to try stuff. That means you need to stop grieving your old customs and give lots of potential new ones a chance. The right ones will stick, quite naturally. But until you start the process, you’ll be–just a little bit–lost.
Leo (July 23-Aug. 22)
You rely on brute force more often than on subtlety. You out-face, out-roar, and otherwise intimidate your opponents whenever necessary. However, this strategy won’t work on all those whose ideas you oppose; in some cases, it may even make them stronger. Sometimes it’s better to bribe, cajole, or seduce your enemies. (Consider how much safer our world would be if we’d spent 200 billion bucks on food and medicine for the impoverished masses.) When considering possible strategies this week, just remember this: People don’t often bite the hand that feeds them (no matter how much they might resent it).
Virgo (Aug. 23-Sept. 22)
Every so often, your ruling planet, Mercury, likes to mess shit up. It’s part of his (and your) mischievous nature. He spins the wheel and does a U-turn in the middle of the highway, generating massive chaos. For those driving nearby, or not paying attention, it can be catastrophic. For others, it’s mostly inconvenient and annoying. For those of us who are forewarned, however, there’s almost no hassle whatsoever: we can get off the highway before Mercury goes nuts, and stay off until traffic’s flowing properly again. I’ll let you know when the coast is clear. For now, stay safe (and yes, slow) on the side roads.
Libra (Sept. 23-Oct. 22)
Don’t try applying geometry to human relationships. People have attempted this, arguing that a triple is way more stable than a couple, based on the soundness of a triangle. Of course, it (almost) never works, because the more connections there are, the more complicated (and yes, unstable) the interpersonal emotional structures will be. In other words, don’t try to solve your current relationship’s drawbacks or problems by adding new people to it. Make it stable by itself. If an 8.5 magnitude emotional earthquake won’t shake it, then consider adding people to it, if you wish–but not before.
Scorpio (Oct. 23-Nov. 21)
You’re not exactly a head-butting, horn-locking type. You’re just as strong as any stubborn Taurean or loud, confident Leo, but you express your power in a different way. Remember that, because your opponents will try to lure you into arenas that favor aggressive, head-on strategies. You could delude yourself into believing you can take them, and you can–but only when you’re playing your game, not theirs. Diligently avoid situations that require brute strength; in them, you’ll just get your ass kicked and ego bruised. Stick to the subtler stratagems you excel at, and you’ll continue to get your way (as usual).
Sagittarius (Nov. 22-Dec. 21)
Many Sagittarians tend to wear their clothes until they’re worn out in the elbows, ass, and knees, and so long out of fashion that they’re cool again. It’s just not high priority for you to be especially presentable. Fine. Personally, I like that about you. But remember, there are some people who are too shallow to look beyond appearances, and very occasionally you need to impress (or at least not disgust) one of these. This week is one of those times. Pull yourself together when necessary, and show us all how nicely you clean up.
Capricorn (Dec. 22-Jan. 19)
You’re trying to comb your extremely tangled hair without conditioner. Of course great clumps of it are coming out. You will soon go bald, at this rate. I’m not really talking about your hair, but about your emotions, which are even more frayed and fraught with split ends, of late. There is something you could do about this, something almost as simple as applying some lubricating creamy goop to the situation, only so far you’ve refused to do it. It’s called apologizing. A simple, “I’m sorry” would lube this situation right up. Until you utter it, though, you’ll just be tearing your hair (and heart) right out.
Aquarius (Jan. 20-Feb. 18)
If you were the sheriff in some old-fashioned Western, I’d advise you to keep your guns handy. You probably wouldn’t actually need to draw or shoot them, but showing them off would be a good idea; a demonstration of your strength isn’t necessary–only an awareness of it. People need to know you can take them down in a flash, otherwise they might think they can get away with robbing the bank, knocking over old ladies, and stealing candy from children. Sure, the crimes I hope you’ll prevent with a glint of (emotional) steel are less obvious than these–but no less serious.
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