Libra (Sept. 23-Oct. 22)
For good or ill, Libras often see things in terms of personal gain. It’s that whole scale thing; you’re constantly weighing, evaluating, and judging. This is how you’ve gotten a reputation as shallow social climbers, who only act out of pure self-interest. I know that’s not truly accurate, of course; just because you can’t help seeing things in that light doesn’t mean you always have to act on that basis. Does it? Prove your naysayers wrong this week by doing lots of good that you won’t get anything for–not even credit.
Scorpio (Oct. 23-Nov. 21)
Presentation, in this case, is everything. You can make a case for preposterous bullshit like humans having lived with dinosaurs in the Garden of Eden if you are articulate and convicted, and a certain subset of your audience will buy into it, hook, line, and sinker. On the other hand, you could also present a well-reasoned theory of evolution, backed by the scientific community and cartloads of evidence, but if you do it in a way that’s tedious and whiny, you’ll lose a percentage of your audience. It sucks, I know, that some people are so inept at critical thinking, but that’s the reality of the situation. At the moment, lame as it is, it doesn’t matter so much what you say as how you say it.
Sagittarius (Nov. 22-Dec. 21)
From here it sort of looks like you’ve retreated to the moral low ground and dug in, preparing to make your stand there. I’m not sure why, to be absolutely honest, you’d adopt such a lame, losing strategy, especially because the position you’re trying to defend, while not exactly mainstream popular, is hardly devoid of ethical value. Marshal the courage of your convictions. They’re valid and worthy of respect and consideration from everyone, even if they won’t ultimately agree with them. By forcefully advocating what you believe in this week, you won’t win over many converts, but you will win their respect.
Capricorn (Dec. 22-Jan. 19)
Something you’ve believed in and advocated for a long time will finally be put to the test this week. You’ll also be subject to a kind of test yourself. What I mean is, you won’t stand or fall with the success or failure of whatever you put your money on. It’s bigger than that. It’s also an examination of self-faith as well as your willingness to question yourself, your convictions, and your goals. The true trial is whether you continue to believe in it regardless of the actual outcome, and–even more important–whether or not that’s really a good thing.
Aquarius (Jan. 20-Feb. 18)
The distant planet Neptune has been cruising backwards through your territory for the last little bit; this week it’s surging back into forward motion, retracing the path it’s already taken twice before in recent memory. What’s this mean for you? An abundance of deja vu? Maybe, but probably not. Actually, it’s a chance for you to go over and perfect the things you’ve been working on–whether that means rewriting your novel, overhauling your workspace, or simplifying and purifying your relationship. It’s not often you get this much time and space to really give your dreams their best shot at realization. You’d be a fool to waste this chance.
Pisces (Feb. 19-March 20)
If anyone’s familiar with feeling like an outsider, it’s you. Even in group situations where you can logically conclude that you’re most definitely not an outsider–like your own family–you still somehow often manage to feel like one. Personally, I don’t get it, but I’m not about to pass judgment on it, either. Whatever the case, this week you’re going to come face-to-face with this self-enforced paradigm. I don’t know if you’ll decide it’s useless and just holding you back, or fundamental to who you are. How you deal with it is up to you; just be assured you’ll probably have no choice.
Aries (March 21-April 19)
Why not walk around pretending you have superpowers? Or a billion dollars that you’re just waiting until the right moment to use? I’m a big fan of people reinventing their realities to make them more interesting, and you Rams are especially good at it. The trick is letting it be a game and not cross the line into self-delusion. If you play the game right, your world becomes vastly more interesting (for everyone), you get to be more dynamic and explore a wider range of possible selves, and magic can actually happen. Guess what else? This week, it’s not just fun, it’s also, strangely, a route to changing your life for real.
Taurus (April 20-May 20)
If you’re eligible for an award, you’re liable to win one this week. If not, it’s quite likely you’re going to get some kind of recognition for who you are and the way you do things. Enjoy the well-deserved accolades, but beware of them as well. There’s nothing more likely to constipate your evolutionary process more than praise. In other words, don’t let that crap go to your head or convince you you’ve got your shit together. The second you decide you’re on top of your game is when you’ll get run right over by it. Enjoy the rave reviews, by all means–but then get right back to work.
Gemini (May 21-June 20)
Last week I told you to focus on the little things, and I’m glad I did. It’s amazing what a tremendous effect the smallest detail can have on you Twins. I’ve seen you fundamentally swayed by a gentle autumn breeze, a wink from a stranger, or a snippet of a song heard in passing. One of the problems with being so sensitive is that you can take pleasure in such gorgeous tiny moments, but you’re also saddened that so many around you cannot. Make remedying this incongruity this week’s task. If you can teach just one person—or better yet, three or four—how to experience rapture from the color of an autumn leaf (or something similar), you’ll have done your job.
Cancer (June 21-July 22)
I know Cancers who find ways to blame their frequent emotionality on being drunk, or worse, actually get drunk a lot so as to have that camouflage. I know we live in a world where crying and cackling and raging and any kind of extreme expression of emotion just isn’t really okay. But the fact is, those things are very human, whatever we pretend to the contrary, and they’re especially Cancerian. The trick to making our future one where it’s okay just to be you isn’t to find ways to disguise or make excuses for it. Just be it. No embarrassment. No apologies.
Leo (July 23-Aug. 22)
That whole angel on one shoulder, devil on the other cliché is sort of apropos this week, only their counsel isn’t so starkly moralistic; it’s more subtlety versus brute force. It’s a tough decision, and even I can’t tell you which method will work best to get you into the situation you desire: talking your way in, or just shoving past whatever opposition attempts to stand against you. Since either method is equally likely to work, and both are morally ambiguous, which one will be the most fun? That, of course, is the one you should employ.
Virgo (Aug. 23-Sept. 22)
Sorry, no time to write you a proper horoscope. I’m dying to reorganize my bookshelves. Maybe after that I’ll sort the Tupperware in the kitchen. I’ve noticed the houseplants desperately need pruning, and if I give the bathtub a scrub I’ll actually feel okay about taking a bath—should I ever have time to do so…. I know all these busy things you get up to feel important, but sometimes you must admit you use them to keep yourself from having to deal with stuff that’s truly much more important, if possibly harder to properly address. Notice that this week, then put aside your busy-work so you can actually deal with it.
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