Scorpio (Oct. 23-Nov. 21)
I know your trust has been broken, but it’s no one’s fault, least of all the one you’re taking it out on. That’s like blaming your bank for getting robbed. How long are you going to keep your cash buried in the backyard or stashed inside your mattress? Forever? That’s your choice, I suppose; banks are overrated. But what about love? You’re practicing the emotional equivalent of keeping your heart hidden and buried, instead of invested and collecting interest. That’s your choice, too. But consider choosing differently. Your life would be richer for it, I promise.
Sagittarius (Nov. 22-Dec. 21)
You’re like a member of a band who’s spent weeks practicing for a gig where only five people show up. Your band is barely outnumbered by its audience. You could, of course, pack up your instruments and go back to the garage where you practice. Or you could do a wimpy abbreviated version of the set you planned. Or you could play your hearts out as if the place was packed to the gills with screaming fans. I think it’s a no-brainer which you should do. Give it your all for the sake of giving it your all this week, regardless of who might benefit.
Capricorn (Dec. 22-Jan. 19)
I know you like being an observer, and watching certain situations from the outside in. But don’t tell me that it doesn’t hurt when you get overlooked or forgotten. It’s not a slight that you didn’t get that invitation; it’s just an oversight. Still, that probably doesn’t make it feel much better. The situation right in front of you, for instance–are you really enjoying being the almost-invisible outsider? Why not wade in and get your hands dirty? Go get noticed. I’m betting the attention will be mostly positive. Get involved. The fly-on-the-wall thing is getting old.
Aquarius (Jan. 20-Feb. 18)
Quick, contact the authorities. You’ve surely beat the world record for holding your breath. How long’s it been since you took in a proper lungful of fresh, cool, clean, refreshing air? A few months, at least. Whatever constrictive force has restrained you from truly breathing and relaxing is about to let up, whether it’s a self-inflicted emotional corset or a predatory metaphorical boa constrictor. Your ribs might crack, and it might hurt to draw in that first delicious breath–but you’ll know it’s the good kind of hurt. Yawn, gasp, sigh and pant–and know that things will have to be at least a little easier from now on.
Pisces (Feb. 19-March 20)
It’s truly hard to create happy art. Making people experience pure joy isn’t impossible, but it’s way more difficult than disturbing, upsetting, or depressing them. It’s weird how people have more walls up to wonder than to horror, more resistance to happiness than misery. It takes a special talent to successfully subvert, penetrate, and transcend those tall, thick, invisible barriers and help people to experience delight in spite of their unconscious determination not to. You, my dear, whether you know it or not, have that talent. To not practice it–especially this week–would be a crime.
Aries (March 21-April 19)
Venture to the dirtiest part of your home, that cubby, cabinet, corner, closet, or crawl space where you never go and rarely clean, home to dirt, dust bunnies and dead bugs. Scrub and scour it, even if it means slithering under the bed with a headlamp and a bucket, or moving stacks of boxes. Not only might you find something you thought lost forever, but it’ll be beneficial to your mental health. People have places just like this inside their heads. It’s good to occasionally relate that to the real world, where concrete actions can have psychological repercussions. Getting rid of all that crud can and will help you eliminate some of the internal crap, too. Clean it up, then shower. You’ll feel a million times lighter, happier, and just plain better, guaranteed.
Taurus (April 20-May 20)
Just like any lazy bull, the only person who can move you is you. When necessary, though, you can move fast. I’ve seen it. And those decisions, sometimes made on a whim, can have life-changing consequences, due to your extreme spiritual inertia–which translates into real world stick-to-it-iveness. I know a Taurus who was too lazy to go out and buy a pack of cigarettes, so they decided to quit. Ten years later they still haven’t had a smoke. You can change your life (and others’ lives) even when you’re just phoning it in. What might you accomplish (especially this week) if you actually set your mind to it?
Gemini (May 21-June 20)
I overwrite. When composing anything–horoscope, email, novel–I write too much. Then I have to go back and pare it down, make it more succinct and simple than my original text. I suck at sprucing things up. It’s better for me to go too far and then pull back. My strategy ought to work well for you this week. Take whatever you’re doing—whether it’s writing a love letter, putting up Christmas decorations, or planning a Thanksgiving menu–to the Nth degree. Then rewrite the letter, take down half the decorations, and cross out a third of the menu, keeping only the best parts. I guarantee you’ll end up with something better than if you’d stopped at the point you thought was “just right.”
Cancer (June 21-July 22)
When people start to get depressed, it’s usually because their world has gotten too small and restrictive. The truth is, the world is huge and filled with insane variety. If you’re feeling down, break out of the little microcosm you’re trapped in. Watch some nature documentaries if you can’t think of any other way to remind yourself that there’s a phenomenally incredible universe full of things you never imagined out there. You haven’t seen and done it all. You haven’t even scratched the surface. This week, find a way to start doing at least that.
Leo (July 23-Aug. 22)
Some Leos have a reputation for shallowness. This is more about laziness than about lacking emotional depth. Some Lions are content to know a little about a lot, or be pretty good at a huge variety of activities, but they never dig deeper than that. Are you a surface skimmer? Calling yourself a Renaissance person may make it sound nice but doesn’t change the fact that you’re leaving massive amounts of your potential virtually unexplored. Pick one or two things and dig deeper–a lot deeper. I reckon you’ll have to dig twice as deep as where you thought the bottom was before you’ll realize there actually is none. Hopefully by then the prospect will excite you rather than frighten you.
Virgo (Aug. 23-Sept. 22)
You simply can’t foresee all the potential outcomes of your actions. That’s not to say you should stop trying; Virgos are so good at being prepared that you’ll probably still be covered for a good 80 percent of what might happen. However, please quit worrying about that remaining 20 percent. Enjoy how good you are at this, instead of flipping out about the possibilities you can’t anticipate or control. The future is a series of unknowns and trying to plan for every possible scenario is what makes some Virgos annoyingly neurotic. Keep your planning and preparations reasonable, especially this week. On the rare occasions when things veer outside of what you expected, try to laugh at the surprise, rather than freak out about it.
Libra (Sept. 23-Oct. 22)
Libras absorb a lot of shit through their own peculiar voodoo osmosis. I’ve seen Libras pick up accents, attitudes, and perspectives just by hanging out with people who possess them naturally. You’re like sponges, or mirrors, which can make a lot of really vain people drawn to you, and make some insecure ones run for the hills. This isn’t a judgment, just an observation. I think it’s also a good motivation to surround yourself with good people. Do those around you make you love and enjoy yourself more? If so, you’ve made some good choices. If not, you might want to look at that.
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