Scorpio (Oct. 23-Nov. 21)
How easily you Scorps seem to forget the campground rule of relationships: Leave things better off than how you found them. Unfortunately, people frequently need extended recuperation periods after emerging from relationships with Scorpios, and some never fully recover. Is that really the legacy you want? Sure, it adds to your badass reputation, but life’s already pretty painful without you adding your own personal sting to it. Don’t make any new messes this week, and consider this, too: it might not be too late to go back and clean up one or two of the disasters you’ve already had a hand in.
Sagittarius (Nov. 22-Dec. 21)
Make a list. I know this flies in the face of your spontaneous approach to life, but trust me: Make a damn list. You can’t afford to leave things undone right now; it’s important to be sure you’ve finished everything you said you’d start. A casual attitude won’t get you the gig, whether it’s a job or a relationship, and you won’t quite be able to charm your way out of fixes caused by your absent mindedness this week. It’s all about delivering the goods – all of them, and on time – and for that, my dear, you need to make a list.
Capricorn (Dec. 22-Jan. 19)
You like to tell yourself that you have no trouble resisting temptation, but that’s a big, fat delusional lie. You got this idea because turning away from enticements other people find irresistible isn’t a problem for you. That’s only because the stuff other people want doesn’t have quite the same appeal for you quirky, idiosyncratic goats. However, put the right kind of carrot in front of you, and even a stubborn old billy goat like you will wade through fire and flood to get to it. You’ve rarely actually been tempted. This week, that’s likely to change. Good luck resisting.
Aquarius (Jan. 20-Feb. 18)
Things take time. Fortunately you can often predict how much time they’ll require; for example, when you break a bone, the doctor can tell you roughly how long it’ll need to be in a cast. You can plan around it. What’s screwing you over is you’re either ignoring or forgetting those timetables, and essentially scheduling a soccer game for the week after you break your leg. It doesn’t take a prophet to guess what you’ll be up for, and when. Stop trying to do shit too soon. Give yourself the time you realistically need to actually be ready for them.
Pisces (Feb. 19-March 20)
Being entitled and selfish is ugly and despicable. However, being self-effacing to the point of martyrdom is boring and pathetic. Unfortunately, you fish aren’t exactly experts at finding a middle ground. However, this week you should have access to a great example of the best kind of mix of two opposing impulses. Not every compromise has to be a watered down, unsatisfying version of its components. Some grant results that are far superior to anything that might have been achieved by only heeding one side or the other. Seek one of these this week, and don’t rest until you find it.
Aries (March 21-April 19)
There’s no need to prove just how tough you are… again. You’ve already demonstrated your bravery and fortitude many times. We know. What we’re more interested in is your ability (or lack thereof) to choose your battles, to back down from needless confrontations, or to gracefully give ground. These are skills many of us aren’t sure you actually have. There are some battles you just can’t win – or that you’re better off losing, ironically. This week, demonstrate that you can recognize at least some of those, and yield graciously. That’ll earn you more respect, anyway, than a victory ever could.
Taurus (April 20-May 20)
Recovering from a bad first impression can be harrowing. (“Weren’t you dancing on a table at that party with a lampshade on your head? Talk about a cliche!”) However, the damage is done, and can’t be undone. The bright side is that climbing up from that nadir is easy. Outshining low expectations doesn’t take much – being merely average will do. Be brilliant, sensitive, or funny, and the lampshade incident becomes a hilarious anecdote, instead of a point of mortification. Hint: a sense of humor can help an awful lot. We like people who can laugh at themselves.
Gemini (May 21-June 20)
One Gemini friend describes his thought processes as a “constant negotiation,” as if two or more viewpoints were perpetually duking it out inside his head. Occasionally, as with any epic debate, you twins can get deadlocked, and be unable to find a way forward. Don’t make the tempting mistake of bringing in outside help, however – the last thing you need is another opinion thrown into the mix. Sometimes only an arbitrary solution will do. If your internal deliberations are this tight, it probably doesn’t make much difference what you choose. Flip a damn coin, and get on with your day.
Cancer (June 21-July 22)
Here’s a familiar scenario: you’re learning to ride a bike, and you’ve almost mastered it. Sure, you still wobble a lot, and there was that embarrassing tree incident, but you’ve managed to make it up and down the block half a dozen times without serious mishap. Then Dad announces he’s going to put the training wheels back on your bike. How do you suppose that would make you feel? Well, that’s precisely the kind of message you’ve been sending. Your intentions are the best (“I don’t want you to fall over and hurt yourself!”), but in this case it might be better to trust, and accept that you might be setting someone up for a painful lesson or two. Sometimes, that’s the only way to learn.
Leo (July 23-Aug. 22)
Your greatest strength (and weakness) is that you are authentically yourself in virtually any situation. Unlike some more changeable signs, many Leos aren’t especially able to play any role but their own. Recognize this. You’re not a chameleon. Trying to blend into unfamiliar surroundings goes against your nature; you’re meant to stand out and make an impact, like it or not. Knowing and accepting this about yourself is important; it can help you maximize the ways it makes you strong, bold, and exciting to be around, and minimize the ways in which it might limit you. Be you, all the time – but also know exactly who that is.
Virgo (Aug. 23-Sept. 22)
People need me, and thus I must be there for them. This might as well be your mantra, and you strive to follow it no matter how run-down, worn-out, and wretched you are. Guess what? People will always need you, and generally, the more you give them, the more they’ll want. Learning to draw and maintain boundaries is every Virgo’s most difficult and ongoing practical lesson, one that must be learned and relearned throughout life. This week, for example, you may have to take another test on just that subject. You’ve taken it often before. Will you pass this time?
Libra (Sept. 23-Oct. 22)
Some people complain just to complain. For them, kvetching is an Olympic sport, and they’re all vying for golds. However, before you enter this questionable competition, I ask you: What end result do you hope for here? If you’re bitching just because you need to vent, consider who you’re dumping all that shit on, and what they did to deserve that. And if you’re whining because you want something to actually change, remember that old – and very accurate – cliche: you catch more flies with honey than with vinegar. Want change? Just ask for it, as sweetly and directly as possible. Want to bitch instead? Fine, but don’t expect much good to come of it.
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