Libra (Sept. 23-Oct. 22)
What makes you happy? I’m worried that you’ve forgotten three-quarters of a once quite-extensive list. That’s made the remaining items unreasonably important, and it can consequently be devastating when one of them goes missing. Spend some time this week dredging up the rest of your Things That Make Me Happy List from memory, or reinventing it from scratch. Make it long and plentiful, with some unlikely and ambitious things, but many, many easy and achievable items. The goal here is to be happy the vast majority of the time. I can assure you it’s possible. Specifically how? That’s up to you.
Scorpio (Oct. 23-Nov. 21)
If you brought your smartphone back to medieval times, it’d be magic (and yes, you’d be burnt at the stake for it, but never mind that). People have always had a tendency to take anything they don’t understand and give it magical qualities. You do the same. Unlike the people of that era, though, who were likely to destroy things they didn’t get, you’re likely to almost worship them. While an improvement, this isn’t necessarily the most enlightened approach, especially when the ungraspable conundrum is another person. Remember, they are no more mysterious than you and your cellphone – just different. If it helps, they’re likely to feel quite the same way about you.
Sagittarius (Nov. 22-Dec. 21)
Build up some momentum. It’s not usually your style just to go barreling into obstacles, Aries-style, and try to knock them down with brute force. You generally prefer to finesse them in some way, but sometimes only pure muscle will do the trick. You’ll need a running start. How does this translate from the blunt metaphor of knocking down a door into whatever real life situation you’re facing? It’s quite simple. Forget subtlety, tact, and diplomacy. There’s no need for negotiations or maneuvering. Be bold, direct, and confrontational. That’s not necessarily your forte, but trust me: It’ll work.
Capricorn (Dec. 22-Jan. 19)
You’ve scared away plenty of people in your time. Sometimes it’s your intensity, sometimes it’s your lack of attention (too busy focusing on other things), sometimes it’s because you deliberately set out to intimidate them. My point is, you haven’t spent years learning to become the most approachable person around. That’s as you like it, most of the time, but occasionally it can work against you, because it might keep you from meeting someone you’d like to know. This is your bed though, and you’ve spent ages making it. Lying in it isn’t so hard, luckily – it just means that because people won’t approach you, you have to approach them.
Aquarius (Jan. 20-Feb. 18)
Speaking the truth isn’t endearing. It’s 90 percent more likely to earn you enemies (or frenemies) than telling polite falsehoods. However, your number one goal in life shouldn’t be to have everyone like you. It should be to abide by a set of principles and stick to them even when it’s not easy. In this case, that means speaking an unpopular truth. Why, you may ask, does this burden so frequently fall on you? It’s really simple: You’re one of the few people who can clearly see the truth. Of those people, you’re one of the even fewer who can properly articulate it. Of those people, you’re one of the rarest of them all: someone with the courage to do exactly that.
Pisces (Feb. 19-March 20)
It’s not enough to say you’re sorry sometimes. Sure, in an ideal world, a heartfelt apology should yield at least some measure of forgiveness. But everyone comes to the table with their own set of baggage, and for some, that might mean not letting go of something painful quite so easily. They may need some extra measure (and time) before they’re able to forgive and forget. In a few cases that may never happen, but I don’t think this is one of those. Exercise patience, and don’t be resentful that you have to go an extra mile or two (once it becomes twelve, you can give up), and you’ll almost certainly have something close to what you’re aiming for: a blank slate.
Aries (March 21-April 19)
Some predators go out and actively hunt their prey. They sneak up on it and chase it and pounce when they think they have half a chance of bringing it down. Some are more subtle, setting elaborate traps for their prey to fall into. I’m not just referring to lions and spiders here; people play exactly these games, and you have, too. This week, however, your best chances lie with a mixed bag of tricks. Some chasing and some trap-laying will bag you the “prey” you want, whereas either alone probably wouldn’t suffice. Don’t get locked into one MO. Try a few until you get what you want.
Taurus (April 20-May 20)
Let’s say you agreed to go on a surprise trip with a good friend, but part of the deal was you couldn’t know where you were going until you got there. No matter how thoughtfully you packed your bags, there would be something you needed once you got there that you didn’t anticipate needing, and thus didn’t pack. That’s ok. This is about being resourceful and making do. And this isn’t about a trip so much as a relationship; since you can’t predict where you’re going here, either, there’s stuff you’ll neglect to bring along. Don’t freak out. Just make do. It’ll do.
Gemini (May 21-June 20)
After days of incessant rain, everything in your house is liable to feel a bit damp, and anything that happened to be damp before the rain started is likely to be downright mildewy. It’s hard to get things dry when you’re surrounded by water. It’s also hard to shed useless emotions when elements in your environment is constantly soaking you with reminders of them. One solution for you wet laundry would be to take it to a sunny tropical beach – coincidentally, something similar would work for your soul. However, such extreme solutions aren’t practical. Most people with damp laundry would remedy it with a trip to the laundromat. Perhaps there’s somewhere similar that might work similar wonders for your spirit? Head there soon, please.
Cancer (June 21-July 22)
I value life very highly (I have been known to go out of my way to rescue drowning insects from puddles and the like), but I don’t feel terribly guilty about killing mosquitoes when they land on me (or are about to). They’ve crossed a line, and even though I can probably afford to let them feed off my blood, I have no particular desire to. In my mind, they’ve crossed the live-and-let-live line. So have some parasites in your life. You try to treat everyone with the same level of respect, but if that respect isn’t exactly returned, then you should, of course, swat them until they stop bugging you.
Leo (July 23-Aug. 22)
Here’s the problem with being a fixed sign: Yeah, you sure know what you want to do with your time (unlike those vacillating Pisceans and dithering Librans), but when plans go awry, you sometimes flip your shit, and usually don’t particularly enjoy yourself. Occasionally you even waste a ton of energy trying to get things to go back onto the track you’d originally imagined. However, if you think back to the times when you managed to just let things go, often whatever happened was more exciting, interesting, and enlightening than what you’d planned. Keep that in mind the next time your train goes off the rails; it may be going somewhere good.
Virgo (Aug. 23-Sept. 22)
The shortest distance between two points is not always a straight line. For instance, airplanes traveling on our spherical planet use great circle shapes (basically an arc traversing a narrower part of the sphere) in order to make the best time. Another airplane example is when they’re able to ride the jet stream—those air currents carry them faster than if they’d pursued a strict straight-line route. Your situation is similar. Connecting Point A to Point B may seem like a straightforward matter, but there are other considerations that may make your journey easier, more efficient, and more successful. This week is a good week to realistically factor those in.