Sagittarius (Nov. 22-Dec. 21)
We’re used to rooting for David, not Goliath. We identify more easily with the underdog, which is why you’re probably a bit bewildered to find yourself in a position of power this week. Yep, you’re the giant. That doesn’t mean you’re obligated to begin stomping houses and eating children until the terrified villagers appease you with virgin sacrifices. You may or may not have asked for this power. Regardless, you still have a choice on how to wield it. Be a benevolent monster, the kind we can root for, perhaps of the Cookie- variety. No one likes bullies, and eventually they all get taken down. Avoid that fate by simply never becoming one.
Capricorn (Dec. 22-Jan. 19)
Resist the Acquisition Urge. Having more of something makes you less secure, not more. Think about it: If you have seven kids and one dies, you don’t say, “Well, at least I’ve still got six left.” You mourn just as deeply as if that were your only child. You don’t need more of anything (contrary to advertising and public opinion). You actually need less of everything. There may come a time when it makes sense to expand your personal kingdom, but it isn’t now. Think of every new asset as one more thing to worry about, or lose, and be happy with what you’ve got (which is already quite a lot).
Aquarius (Jan. 20-Feb. 18)
Your razor-keen perception is being upgraded to laser-precision this week. You’re likely to see things more clearly, farther ahead of time, than you have in ages. Take advantage of it, the same way a marathon runner would utilize a surge of energy to gain some ground. This means relentlessly expressing yourself. Gain some ground on your agenda. Blast out emails and phone calls, and make progress on every front: work, romance, friendships, family. You can go back to steadily jogging down the path you’ve chosen next week, when things are back to normal. Right now it’s time to sprint.
Pisces (Feb. 19-March 20)
Resist the temptation to spill your guts. You have a reputation for keeping secrets—even those that burn holes through your brain, like the one you’re hanging onto now. It’s like a fairy trapped under a glass—so pretty and sparkling, it’s difficult to resist freeing her, especially when she’s promising you wishes in exchange for her freedom. You know that all the wishes will backfire, in classic told-you-so fashion, but you might momentarily delude yourself you’d end up better off. Believe me, you won’t. You were given this treasure because you’re responsible enough to take care of it. Prove yourself up to the task.
Aries (March 21-April 19)
Improv’s basic premise is “Yes, and…” That means agreeing with your partner and adding to whatever they just told you. This philosophy doesn’t always translate perfectly to life off the stage, but it will for you this week. Go along with the people in your life instead of digging in your heels. In fact, go beyond passively allowing them their way, and actively see if you can help them succeed. This may mean operating a bit outside of your comfort zone—but I guarantee you you’ll be pleased with the results.
Taurus (April 20-May 20)
As long as people do what they say they’ll do (or at least make an honest effort to do so), you’re happy. You’re realistic about what you expect of other people, especially since those expectations are based on, as much as possible, what they promise to deliver. Luckily, this week there’s no problem, as your peeps will come through just the way they said they would. Resist, however, raising the bar, because this one was met with such ease. Why bother? Things are good. Don’t mess it up by elevating your expectations until they’re impossible to meet.
Gemini (May 21-June 20)
You’re a spiritual cyborg. Your intuitive inner world is directly interfacing with real life at the moment. I imagine it might almost be like the special effects of some sci-fi movie, in which your imagination generates a digital overlay on top of your vision, providing extra information about your surroundings and the people in them. Call it telepathy, a high-bandwidth download from the collective unconscious, or just a lot of compelling bullshit; getting insight into people’s motivations and hints of your actions’ consequences is no New Age joke. It’s worth acting on, so do it.
Cancer (June 21-July 22)
Imagine if your vacuum cleaner turned dust into gold, or if scrubbing the toilet gave you superpowers. Suddenly these tedious chores would be tasks you couldn’t wait to tackle. Wouldn’t it be great if there was a way to make those odious To-Do List items issue incentives commensurate with how much you hate doing them? Then you might actually have to convince others to let you do them—because everyone would be clamoring for the privilege! Fortunately this week you have opportunities to endow those dreaded tasks you usually procrastinate about with rewards that make you look forward to them instead.
Leo (July 23-Aug. 22)
The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree. That’s how the adage goes. Well, it’s bullshit. You are not saddled with your parents’ legacy—be it cancer, insanity, or Republicanism. You can be the apple that tumbled from the branch, rolled down a hill, fell into a boat, and switched continents. You’re your own damn tree, and even though you’re stuck with a few difficult-to-change factors that you inherited from your folks, you’re rooted in different soil, getting different doses of sunlight, water, and care. Besides which, you’ve got bloody free will. Stop feeling limited by what you can’t change—which is very little—and start reveling in the illimitable possibilities of what you can.
Virgo (Aug. 23-Sept. 22)
Book-burning is a thing of the past. Information can’t be destroyed so easily, anymore, because of how thoroughly it has pervaded our existence. A copy of any hated book would survive even the most systematic search-and-destroy mission. So the enemies of truth—not being as stupid as we wish they were—have adopted a new strategy: Instead of burning the information they wish you didn’t have, they’re burying it. It’s the difference of a letter, but it’s effective. If enough versions of the story are presented, few people will ever be able to find the one that’s true. It’s simply too exhausting for most folks to dig that long—but not for you Virgos. Use your legendary stamina and organization to find out the real story this week, then report back what you’ve learned.
Libra (Sept. 23-Oct. 22)
Go to your Safe Place, Libra. My tongue isn’t even in-cheek when I say that. It’s good to have a mental oasis you can retreat to when the real world starts kicking your ass. It might also be good to visit that internal haven, even though life is just fine at the moment—or perhaps because it is. You can afford to be spacey right now. Mental retreats usually happen because you can’t deal, but that doesn’t have to be the case; You can choose them. It’s a better time than most to daydream and recharge, since you’re not juggling crises and problems. Hide out in your head this week—not because it’s a matter of survival, but because it’s fun.
Scorpio (Oct. 23-Nov. 21)
You chose the people in your life for good reasons. You trust them. That’s why it might be alarming, even frightening, when they start seeing you as slightly monstrous, ghoulish, or soulless. They’re freaked, too—worried that you might disown them for reflecting back your worst faults. Yeah, you’re not perfect—just like everyone else, you can even be a little horrible at times. It’s hard to look at, but do it anyway. Continue to trust your friends even when what they have to say might be hard to hear. It’s for your own good, and, ultimately, everyone’s.
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