Food is lovely. Food never screws me over, stands me up, monitors my
spending or tells me to get a real job. I love food and food loves me.
So it’s totally natural that I would spend a lot of time exploring
random culinary delights—hey, I never said that I was a monogamous
eater. Monogamy, especially when it comes to tasty delectable meals, is
highly overrated. Or so I thought… until that fateful day, starving and
lovelorn, when I stumbled into Serpico’s Pizzeria and Restaurant—the
Italian Stallion of Maui restaurants.
Ah, Serpico’s. Oh Captain of my quivering taste buds, how I love thee! Let me count the ways:
You are conveniently located in Upcountry Maui. You shine like a
beacon, mocking my hopeless other suitors like McDonald’s, Subway and
KFC. They can’t hold a light to you as you wait patiently for my
presence. Not to mention, you give great parking. I love the parking,
baby. So on the spot, so right there.
You give me options. I love options. Some days I feel like a big
slice of pizza, some days I feel a little more on the Fettucine Alfredo
side, other times I’m all for stuffing my mouth full of a thick and
juicy Philly Cheesesteak. Monotony? No, not at Serpico’s. Pizza Hut eat
your heart out… No Meatball Parmigiana or Baked Ziti on your menu.
I’m afraid that we can never go back to how we were.
You’re fresh, darling! As fresh as they come. Daily deliveries keep
you clean, crisp and tasty. There’s nothing worse than that
not-so-fresh feeling. We’ve all been there. It’s even worse when the
not-so-fresh feeling is happening to your food. I love that I never
have to worry about those icky moments with you.
You keep it real. Authentic. Italian. Everything is made from
scratch, from the rich and tangy olive oil-drenched marinara and zippy
pizza sauce to the smooth and satisfying Caesar dressing. Pity the fool
who sticks with the $3 Costco Caesar.
You’ve got roots. You’ve got a successful brother out in Allenhurst, New Jersey with the same name. Twins? Hmm… You don’t say!
Serpico’s opened in June 2006. They don’t sell liquor, but you can bring your own wine or beer.
Owner Hatch Clarke actually moved his “main guy” (manager—how Jersey
is that?) Dario Martinez out from Jersey to open the restaurant. You
can meet him most days at the joint. He makes great pizza and looks
good doing it. That was a blatant hint, ladies.
Clarke has worked with Italian food all over New Jersey since he was
16. Not to give away his age or anything, but he’s been doing it for 30
years. And he’s a nice guy. No nonsense, good service, great food.
He’s also got six kids and a stressed-out wife who does yoga. God bless that woman. MTW