Chee hoo–Ground Hog Days are here again, bu! Gotta love one holiday wea–according to ancient supahstitions–if you eat plene kine ono pork grinds on Feb. 2, da winter surf going las’ six weeks longah. Plus, your team going win da Super Bowl. Guarans ball bearin’s, brah!
So in honor of dese events (but really, jus’ one excuse fo’ ham it up), dis little piggy’s penned-up some tasty info jus’ fo you. Enjoy!
Translation: Friends, rejoice! With this weekend sandwiched between Groundhog Day and the Super Bowl, I’d say The Man’s giving us license to party n’ pig out. (No worries, the six percent of Americans who call in sick on Super Bowl Monday have got our backs.) But let’s have a little foodie fun with the folklore (I’m sure Pennsylvania’s Germans won’t mind), seeing as the closest thing Hawaii’s got to marmots are mongoose–and if winter lasts longer, mo’ bettah. Hey, we’ll make any excuse to exalt good grinds…
10. BROKE DA MOUTH: DA KITCHEN (Triangle Square, 425 Koloa St., Kahului; 871-7782; da-kitchen.com). Kalua pork plate lunch with side salad and scoop rice ($12.49)
9. SO SMOKIN’ IT SHOULD BE ILLEGAL: FAT DADDY’S (1913 S. Kihei Rd.; 879-8711; fatdaddysmaui.com). Smoked pork spareribs ($25 full rack / $14 half rack)
8. BOAR SNACKS: KAHULUI ALE HOUSE (355 E. Kamehameha Ave.; 877-9011; alehouse.net). Three kalua pork sliders on toasted buns with tropical slaw and BBQ sauce ($7.95)
7. AIN’T NOTHING LIKE THE REAL THING: MAIN STREET BISTRO (2051 Main St., Wailuku; 244-6816; msbmaui.com). Lightly smoked roasted pork loin with pork gravy risotto ($15)
6. TREAT YOURSELF: MONKEYPOD KITCHEN (Wailea Gateway, 10 Gateway Pl.; 891-2322; monkeypodkitchen.com). Bulgogi pork tacos with pickled carrots, handcrafted kim chee, jalapeno and Asian pear aioli ($14.95)
5. HAWAIIAN STYLE HAM: OLD LAHAINA LUAU (1251 Front. St., 1-800-248-5828; oldlahainaluau.com). Kalua pua’a is the centerpiece of their huge buffet menu, alongside all the essential local fixins like lomi lomi salmon, pahole (fern) salad, ahi poke, poi and haupia ($98 general / $68 kama’aina)
4. NOW WOULDN’T YOU, BORICUA: DA PUERTO RICAN FOOD TRUCK MAUI (“bright white truck with the silver back driving around the island”; dapuertoricanfoodtruck.com / @daPRFT on Twitter). Pulled “boricua” pork marinated in traditional herbs and spices with rice and beans or arroz con gandules ($8.95)
3. OH-SO ONO: SOUTH SHORE TIKI LOUNGE (1913 S. Kihei Rd.; 874-6444; southshoretikilounge.com). BBQ kalua sandwich with fries, side salad, coleslaw or rice ($10)
2. OUT OF THIS WORLD: STAR NOODLE (286 Kupuohi St., Lahaina; 667-5400; starnoodle.com). Steamed pressed pork buns with hoisin, shiitake and cucumber ($10)
1. NUMBER ONE: ICHIBAN RESTAURANT AND SUSHI BAR (47 W. Kaahumanu Ave., Kahului; 871-6977). Tonkatsu with rice and miso soup ($Market)
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THERE’S SOMETHING ABOUT FOOTBALL THAT MAKES U.S. HUNGRY
Move over baby Jesus and the American Revolution–Thanksgiving’s the only food consumption event that tops Super Bowl Sunday. Last year the big game had more than 111 million viewers (an all-time record, reported by The Nielsen Company), which means about 43 percent of our countrymen tuned in–and chowed down.
AS FOR THE OTHER WHITE MEAT
We live on a planet where the National Chicken Council’s 2012 Wing Report is a real thing–and it projects that Americans will eat 1.25 billion wings (totaling 100 million pounds of wings) on Super Bowl Sunday, saying, “If the wings were laid end-to-end they would circle the circumference of the Earth more than twice–a distance that would reach approximately a quarter of the way to the moon.”
ANOTHER KIND OF CONSUMPTION
The National Retail Federation (NRF) recently released results from its 2012 Super Bowl Consumer Intentions and Actions Survey (conducted by BIGinsight, Jan. 4-11 with “a margin of error plus or minus 1.0 percent”), which projects that Americans will spend $11 billion on Super Bowl-related stuff. The NRF’s senior vice president, Mike Gatti (in an audio interview with MarketWatch.com) says this $11 billion figure includes TVs, home furnishings, team apparel and trinkets “like football shaped ashtrays.”
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PORK THIS IN YOUR PIPE AND SMOKE IT
Got the munchies? Bacon flavored rolling papers ($2) are available at Maui’s only record store, Requests (10 N. Market St., Wailuku; 244-9315; requestshawaii.com)