Soy Russian, Café Marc Aurel, Wailuku
I have rejected guys for not getting The Big Lebowski. I mean, how much time could I really spend with someone who has no clue that one-third of what I say is a Big Lebowski quote? Yet while the flick wanders around the folds of my brain in a bathrobe and jelly shoes it’s rare that I can partake in one of the film’s major elements: the White Russian. This is due to my refusal to consume dairy. I have actually brought soymilk to a bowling alley, ordered a black Russian, and made my own Caucasian. Café Marc Aurel happens to have soy for coffee drinks and the bartenders extraordinaire, in the parlance of our times, will happily swap the half-and-half out for soy. Shomer shabbos.
Real Beer Float, Jawz, Kihei
This is another one I had to modify so that it was in line with my dietary restrictions. I got the idea from the menu at Jawz Tacos in Kihei. The thought of ice cream and beer probably elicits a cringe from those with weak stomachs, but let me explain. The purveyors of this beverage aren’t pouring Bud Light over mint chocolate chip. It’s actually Maui Brewing Company’s Coconut Porter over coconut ice cream. The porter itself is like syrup. It sounded interesting, so I thought I would go the empirical route and try a vegan variation. Instead of dairy ice cream I used a coconut-based frozen desert I purchased from Mana. Amazing.
Surfer on Acid, Tiki Lounge, Kihei
Many people stay away from anything that involves Jager. I understand the reasons behind doing so. However, this kinda-gross sounding shot is tastier than one might think. Legendary Paddlers’ Inn (Molokai) bartender Michael Helm made me my first. It involves said Jager, coconut rum and pineapple juice. Instead of being overwhelmingly bitter and thus incongruous with the shot’s other two components, the Jager offsets the pineapple-coconut combo in its tendency to be sickly sweet.
German Bulldog, Charley’s, Paia
I first saw this drink being made at Blue Lagoon in Lahaina, but didn’t try it at that juncture. It took a while for me to consider whether it was worth the risk. Although the drink probably has multiple names, “German Bulldog” was the moniker the Internets spat out for this cough syrup substitute that consists of Kahlua, vodka and root beer. To determine whether it was actually decent I asked Charley’s bartender Ian Villanueva to concoct one for me. It was quite tasty, actually. I would only do one or two, though, because the combo tasted like an ordinary glass of root beer.
Beer-mosa, location unknown
It’s the morning after Halloween. You are sleeping on the floor of your friend’s rented condo in Lahaina (about 12 people are squeezed into a tiny living room). A light commotion wakes you up. Head still on pillow, your assessment of the coming day’s course is sealed with the following words, which come from the kitchen: “Who wants a beer-mosa?” Oh, shit. Mimosas on Christmas morning? Delightful. Beer-mosas on November 1st? Not sure. But you do put orange slices in Weiss beers like Blue Moon and Tucher, right? If you use the right beer, this drink is actually good, and serves as a quite appropriate post-Halloween eye opener. MTW