The last time you got drunk…
a) You were premenstrual, kidnapped by a girlfriend and taken to a
bar for Buttery Nipples and Oyster Shooters, then to a couple more
bars, then to a crazy party at a million-dollar home to drink beers
possibly laced with acid.
b) You went to a show at a club, danced too close with your
roommate, flirted with older men, then later went home and drank
several champagne flutes of red wine with homemade wheat thin nachos.
c) It was last month and you went to a Japanese restaurant with friends and drank Chambord.
d) It was sometime in 2004 and you were celebrating a night off work.
e) It was last year and two of your friends cooked a big
Thanksgiving feast, then you all played drinking games with beer, vodka
and this really syrupy dessert wine, ultimately ending the evening by
lying on the floor moaning a lot.
f) You were at home and fell asleep.
g) It was six months ago and you and some friends decided to taste various liquors at a bar at last call.
h) You asked your friends the next day to tell you what happened so you could write about it.
You live by the quote…
a) “You need chaos in your soul to give birth to a dancing star.” – Friedrich Nietzsche
b) “The grand essentials of happiness are: something to do, something to love, and something to hope for.” – Allan K. Chalmers
c) “Poop or get off the pot.” – Mom
d) “If you want change in your life, start with changing yourself.” – Some self-help gurus
e) “It is dangerous to be right when the government is wrong.” – Voltaire
f) “No matter where you go, there you are.” – Buckaroo Banzai
g) “Well done is better than well said.” – Benjamin Franklin
h) “Do not weep; do not wax indignant. Understand.” – Baruch Spinoza
Your favorite writer is…
a) Augusten Burroughs
b) John Steinbeck
c) Anthony Bourdain
d) Kiana Davenport
e) Seymour Hersh
f) Charles Bukowski
g) Dave Barry
h) Kelefa Sanneh or Rev. Jen Miller
When you’re alone, you like to:
a) Cook, watch American classics and write poetry.
b) Take walks and write.
d) Sing and eat peanut butter by the spoonful straight outta the jar.
f) Clean house.
g) Play music.
h) Dance, dream and eat donuts.
On your last date, you…
a) Fed your date Brie, grapes and wine under the stars at the
Celestial Film Festival, then had your first kiss and fell in love.
b) Can’t actually remember the last time you had a real date.
c) Went to the Gordon Biersch Brewery on Oahu, then to Club Detox to play pool.
d) Went to an Ozomatli concert and danced, then went to a restaurant, ate, talked all night, kissed and had great sex.
e) Had drinks at Mulligan’s and talked about politics, the Burning
Man festival, soccer, poor people, racism, the Hapsburg Empire and rose
f) You went to see Black Flag—it was a million years ago.
g) Watched open mic at Cafe Marc Aurel.
h) Took yourself on a weekend getaway to Hana, saw some great jazz,
ate great food, had great sex and even called yourself the next day.
If you were too busy to answer, you are Jen Russo, General Manager.
If you were too smart to answer, you are Tommy Russo, Publisher.
If you were in transit and weren’t available to answer, you are Jenn Brown, Admin. Assistant.
If you answered mostly a’s, you are Krista Sherer, Advertising Coordinator.
If you answered mostly b’s, you are Heidi King, Calendar Editor.
If you answered mostly c’s, you are Judy Toba, Admin. Executive.
If you answered mostly d’s, you are Wendy Ortiz, Art Director.
If you answered mostly e’s, you are Anthony Pignataro, Editor.
If you answered mostly f’s, you are Brad Chambers, Advertising Executive.
If you answered mostly g’s, you are Keith Benedict, Intern.
If you answered mostly h’s, you are me and that’s really disturbing. MTW