Okay, people. It’s been over a year since I’ve given you a survey.
And even then, I was more interested in generally finding out who you
are. But now I wanna know what you do… in bed.
Simply fill out this survey and snail-mail it to: Holoholo Girl, 33
N. Market St., Suite 201, Wailuku, HI, 96793. Or copy and paste it into
an email and send it to: firstname.lastname@example.org.
1. Are you… male or female? (Circle one)
2. Do you consider yourself… straight, mostly straight, gay, openly
bisexual, bisexual when drunk only, or asexual/I’m so totally over it?
3. Are you currently single, married or in a relationship? (Circle one)
4. Your favorite form of birth control is:
A) Condoms. B) The pill or patch. C) My kid. D) Don’t use it.
5. Currently, you consider your sex life to be:
A) Exciting and fulfilling. B) Somewhat lacking. C) Needs serious help. D) Non-existent, just how I like it.
6. How often do you fake an orgasm (women only, please)?
A) Never. B) Rarely. C) Sometimes. D) Always.
7. Have you ever cheated in a relationship?
A) No. Never. I swear we were just friends.
B) Yes, only once but not with current partner—I’ve since stopped drinking tequila.
C) Yes, many times but not with current partner.
D) Yes, I’ve cheated in the past and with my current partner. My drink of choice is Jagermeister.
8. Have you ever been cheated on?
A) No. And if you know otherwise, please don’t tell me.
B) Yes, just once and then I had to kill him/her.
C) Yes, repeatedly. But I don’t care because I’m doing it, too.
D) Yes, but I honestly don’t know why. He/She’d promised they’d quit
the band/working at the bar/going to Oahu for “business” trips.
9. You have sex on the first date…
B) Yes, but only if our chemistry is really smoking, I want to see them again and/or they just moved here.
C) Yes, but only if I never want to see them again, they live on the Mainland and/or the MTV camera crew said to.
10. The kinkiest thing you’ve done is:
A) Sex outdoors.
B) A threesome.
C) Viagra. Vegas. The Furby Convention.
D) Puh-lease, that’s kid’s play! All of the above, and then some.
E) None of the above.
11. Casual sex or one-night stands are:
A) So very 1997. I have enough batteries to keep me occupied, thank you.
B) Sometimes necessary, provided it’s safe.
C) Fine if you don’t live on a small island.
D) A regular part of my itinerary.
12. The extent of your adult toy chest includes: (Circle all that apply)
A) Lubricants and warming oils.
B) A vibrator or two.
C) Some adult videos.
D) Nipple clamps, whips and/or paddles.
E) All of the above, and you forgot one:____________.
F) None of the above.
13. Ideally, you’d have sex:
A) Once or more a day
B) Once a week
C) Once a month
D) Every leap year.
14. As far as sex is concerned, the most important thing is:
A) Variety. My partner and I do whatever we can to keep it fresh.
B) Quantity. With a partner or without, I need it as often as I can get it.
C) Quality. The best sex I’ve had has been with somebody I love.
D) Passion. The best sex I’ve had has sometimes but not necessarily
been with somebody I love, or even like very much. But it’s always hot.
E) There is nothing important about sex aside from procreation.