FRANKENSTEIN GIRLS WILL SEEM STRANGELY SEXY
MINDLESS SELF INDULGENCE
Little Jimmy Urine gives you another reason to love your mom, and not just because she cooks for you. Do you remember the hyperactive kids in grade school? The ones that the teacher would always scold, try to keep still and OH GOD, DO NOT PUT THAT CATERPILLAR UP YOUR NOSE!? Well, they’ve gotten together and made a band. The album is incredibly vulgar, yet geeky—kind of how I like my guys. Then again, I’d probably like any album that allowed me to sing along to “I’ve been denied all the best ultra sex,” at the top of my lungs. —Elektra Entertainment, 2000
HAPPENSTANCE
RACHAEL YAMAGATA
If red wine and cigarette smoke had a lovechild, it would be Rachael Yamagata’s voice. This is the type of music that lends itself to brooding, moping and later crying outside your beloved’s window, drunk on pinot noir and memories. If I wasn’t the awesome, classy sort of girl that I am, I could totally relate to “Worn Me Down’s” theme of a significant other feeling in competition with a former someone relevant. Finally, I would love to seduce someone to “I Want You.” Too bad I probably couldn’t get the staff at McDonald’s to play it. —BMG, 2004
IN BETWEEN DREAMS
JACK JOHNSON
Let’s get this straight: Jack Johnson makes me happy. The day I no longer enjoy a Jack Johnson album is the day I no longer enjoy life. With that out of the way, this is perfect beach music. Jack’s style is chiller than a month of Sundays. Some of the songs are like a little ghost that keeps apologizing: hauntingly sad, but sweet. Other songs will make you want to seek out a member of your preferred gender and have them start strumming for you. But all of the songs will make you want to spend a few more moments in the sun. —Brushfire Records, 2005
THE MATING GAME
BITTER:SWEET
I look down the corridor, there are easily 10 men guarding the exit. I don’t know how I’m going to do this but somehow, I do. With a flying leap, I dodge bullets and kick down the door. Outside, my getaway car waits. The driver looks like Brad Pitt and sounds like Antonio Banderas. He offers me a margarita. Before we can kiss, the building behind us explodes… I’ve got scenarios for most of the songs on this album—I like it that much. That blurb was brought to you by “Dirty Laundry.” Stop raising that eyebrow: I know most of you entertain these little daydreams. —Quango, 2006
ROBBERS & COWARDS
COLD WAR KIDS
I looked at this list and realized these albums aren’t incredibly recent. Now, I don’t want to seem like a “square” to all the “hip, young things.” You might be familiar with Cold War Kids’ “Hang Me Up to Dry,” being played on “The X” or whatever it’s calling itself now. This is the music that plays in the background while you’re shimmying into your yoga pants, running out the door with a cup of tea and wondering what the hell you did last night. Unless the song that’s playing is “We Used to Vacation.” Then, you’ve got a problem. —Downtown Records, 2006 MTW
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