Kanaha Beach Park
This is one of my favorite places. The constant but gentle lull of the ocean is showcased against the occasional airplane roar. Not only that, but you can zip off to town in a moment’s notice to take care of food or an impending curfew. But if you decide to do your smoochin’ in the car while parked inside, be warned that someone will probably interrupt you when the park closes. This can be incredibly embarrassing, especially when you’ve been caught so often they call you by name.
Iao Valley Entrance (at night)
You know how in horror movies, the killer/monster/general unpleasantness always attacks when the loving couple is, um, preoccupied? This is what I always imagine at the Iao Valley entrance. So why lip-lock at one of Maui’s better known haunted spots? Two words: bragging rights. There’s no better aphrodisiac than the envy of your peers. And if that swollen “ego” doesn’t help set things in motion, then the fear of a serial killer/night marcher lurking in the shadows might surely do the trick.
This place is freezing cold at night. Which makes for a great reason to get cozy. After stargazing, take your lover back to your car or tent and have him or her seeing stars for the next couple of hours. Yes, I wrote “couple of hours.” Is my youth showing? Anyway, if your shared body heat and fiery passion can’t keep you and your sweetie warm, you’re not doing it right. Compensate by bringing an extra blanket and hope they don’t brush against the notes you printed out from Wikipedia’s wikiHow. Go ahead and check, I’m not making this up. It’s even so kind as to tell you the things you’ll need for an expedition of this magnitude. The list includes necessities such as “lips” and “a partner.”
Cheesy, I know. Baldwin is always fairly empty with white sand gleaming against an impossibly blue ocean. There are palm trees and the beach is lined with shady, emerald hideouts (think Big Beach, without the people and the waves). If the wind isn’t blowing silica into your eyes and every available crevice, Baldwin Beach can be the stuff dreams are made of. Then again, you and your companion could be a bit drunk and struggling with failing, messy relationships. When the alcohol wears off and you’re wondering if sand is permanently lodged into you brain, you’ll remember that nightmares are dreams, too.
If you don’t know where this is, I can’t tell you. The view is fantastic, though. You’re overlooking the ocean and the mountains are directly behind. But who am I kidding? You’re not looking at the view! The best thing about Lighthouse is that it’s fairly isolated. So if the talking leads to touching, then the touching leads to… well, go ahead and have it. By the way, if anyone caught the vague song reference… call me? It’s been a while since I visited any of these places. MTW