[HOLIDAY] Cinco de Mayo serves the nationalist project of promoting pride in a country and its culture. And it’s worked like a charm in making Mexicans out of all ethnicities come May 5, even if the extent of commitment toward Mexico lindo y querido is drinking Corona instead of Coors.
But celebrating Cinco de Mayo is ridiculous because it commemorates a victory that ultimately meant nothing. Sure, General Ignacio Zaragoza and his troops held off an invading French army that glorious day of May 5, 1862, in Puebla, but the Mexican triumph was short-lived. When the French and Mexicans fought a year later on the same battlefield, the French whipped some Mexican ass and ushered in a five-year occupation under the Hapsburg Maximillian.
Nevertheless, Mexicans celebrate Cinco de Mayo, and you probably will too, just to seem multiculti and all, or to try to nail a hot Mexican chica. Although the multitude of Mexicans swarming the mainland have yet to swim to Hawai’i en masse, you can still celebrate Cinco de Mayo at a number of venues on Maui (see The Grid and Da Kine Calendar, p.23-26). Drink tequila, don a sombrero, but remember: even the sight of you in a mustache isn’t as stupid as the holiday you celebrate. [GUSTAVO ARELLANO]