Temporarily adopted a friend’s 15-year-old feline who’s accustomed to friend’s ridiculously early morning schedule. The cat—named Lotus Blossom or Lolo, for short—does not “meow,” per se, but rather shrieks as though she’s a first-of-the-month tsunami siren.
6 a.m. Mother Calls
Still disoriented by new senior-kittizen guest’s caterwauling, I answer the phone to hear my mom lament about my column and the goings-on of my youth and how come she didn’t know about it and when am I going to mention my impossibly handsome step-father David (there you go, mom) and you know I should really call my grandmother.
10 a.m. Schneider Here
Landlord stops by to do work on the studio next door—Kim’s new pad. Kim and I pick our tarot cards for the day: Uniqueness, Originality and Harmony for her, Concentration, Birth and Seduction (yeah, baby!) for me. We head to the farmers market.
Noon. Dorking at Borders
I convince Kim to come kill time with me at the corporate mega-bookstore so she could listen to tunes and I could stake out the ‘zines. End up staking out a lovely man in glasses instead. And in a rare moment of shameless, brazen flirting, I introduce myself over the Alternative Medicine aisle. We talk briefly of our mutual appreciation for Seattle bands and my love of going to the dump, after which I blush uncontrollably and scurry away. Kind of like a BIG DORK.
2:30 p.m. Lunch
Decide to end my two-week sobriety with a couple Baileys coffees at the Ale House. Actually, I only order one but gulp Kim’s when she’s in the bathroom. Contentedly gobble dee-licious ribs and the biggest side salads known to man. Horrifyingly discover pineapple in the coleslaw. Pineapple! Will it forever torment me so?
4 p.m. Afternoon Tea
Being girls, Kim and I stop by If The Shoe Fits on our way to Request Records. I begrudgingly sidestep the flirting-operandi as clerk/Maui Time contributor Steve and I discuss his latest article ideas, Americana music and esoteric punk rock. Kim gives me the Damn, girl, it’s 4:05 and I need a cocktail look. We bail.
8 p.m. Idini’s—It’s What’s For Dinner
Somebody tells a joke: “What do you get when you have 50 lesbians and 50 Maui County workers in the same room? A hundred people who don’t do dick!” Kim and I have our whiskeys, play pool. I’m terrible, but then shark it. The sky darkens outside, while inside Kim cozies up to “Thomas Haden.” After my pool partner leaves, his charming friend insists he is going to take me home. I opt instead to sandwich Kim’s date. And we somehow manage to spend four hours in our neighborhood bar.
11 p.m. The Posse
We curtail our drinking early so that we can change attire and cruise down to see Sirus B Posse at Life’s a Beach. We meet and immediately adore door goddess Kelly, promptly do a shot and check out the crowd of young ’uns, of which there are many. We also meet the band’s manager, who reminds us of “Eric” on Entourage. He schools us on how to properly spell Sirus B Posse. Then we figure we might as well see what the haps are at Lulu’s. Kim has her ass pinched by a pugilist. Then we go to the Tiki Lounge, where I brief cute newbie visiting brothers—with a hot tub to share! Yay!—on what to do with their summer here. My flirting is again aborted when Kim gets restless and wants to go, and Misha nearly pokes my eyes out with her new—ahem—beautiful non-bouncing bazoongas.
2 a.m. Bedtime for Bonzo
Feed the furball. Seriously consider adding Xanax to her food bowl. Decide to take it myself instead.
Samantha Campos thinks she’s more productive after only five hours of sleep, even though CNN.com reported last year that “sleeping brains continue working on problems that baffle us during the day, and the right answer may come more easily after eight hours of rest,” which, really, when you think about it, explains a lot. MTW