1. I have never been stung by a bee.
2. I was almost named Angela, after my father Angel, whom I haven’t seen since I was three.
3. Mean Joe Green sang “Happy Birthday” to me with a ‘ukulele on my eighth.
4. If I ever have children, I will name my first daughter after my grandmother, Lucille, my biggest creative muse.
5. Although I don’t believe in following astrological predictions, I absolutely believe I am 100 percent Pisces.
6. The first movie I ever saw was Alien. My babysitter took me.
7. I have a videotape collection of Schoolhouse Rock and can sing the Preamble to the Constitution on command.
8. I was once obsessed with James Dean.
9. At 15, I lost my virginity to a boy who ignored me at school the next day, so I marched over to his house with a group of my closest girlfriends, pounded on his door and demanded it (my virginity) back.
10. The only bone I’ve ever broken was my middle finger seven years ago after jumping from the rope at Swinging Bridges in Iao.
11. I once stayed on the phone with an obscene caller for two hours.
12. When I was younger, I desperately wanted braces (though I didn’t need them) and freckles.
13. I have seen every Mickey Rourke movie, my favorite being Angel Heart.
14. The very first tampon I had to use, I neglected to remove the plastic applicator and walked around with it in for hours.
15. I sometimes hang out at Foodland just to listen to the music: Barbara Streisand and Barry Gibbs’ “Guilty,” Lionel Ritchie’s “Easy Like Sunday Morning,” Ambrosia’s “Biggest Part of Me”—I mean it’s just hit after glorious hit.
16. Using bad grammar or the word “funner” is a deal-breaker for me.
17. Over half the books on my shelf are either marine biology related or erotic fiction.
18. I was once “discovered” by a New York director to play a tough street chick in his film but then promptly turned down after he said I was “too nice.”
19. I come from a long line of women who’ve eloped to Las Vegas in lieu of having a big wedding ceremony.
20. I once wrote a short story about a man who had to masturbate in an elevator and couldn’t orgasm until he reached the eleventh floor without interruptions.
21. If I could go into a time machine, I would go back to Paris in the 1920’s and hang out with Henry Miller and Anais Nin, or early 1800’s England and flirt with Lord Byron and his friends.
22. I once had sex in a movie theater, during Grumpy Old Men Part 2.
23. I love watching American Kennel dog shows on TV.
24. Over the past 20 years, I’ve been told I look like Merle Oberon, Olivia de Havilland, Madonna, Janeane Garofalo, Betty Boop, Katy Jurado, a Mexican Marilyn Monroe and that chick with glasses in Ghost World. Don’t get excited, none of it’s true and most of it’s been said in bars by drunk people.
25. At home, I prefer to read topless.
26. I’ve only had four serious relationships, though time spent in them totals 13 years.
27. I blush easily and I swear too much.
28. I am Dutch, German, French, English and Mexican.
29. Nobody in my family is very religious, but my great-great grandmother was one of the many wives of Joseph Smith, founder of the Mormon Church.
30. I keep a big knife under my bed.
31. Although I was tempted the other night at Ray’s Bar in Wailuku to sing a duet of “Islands in the Stream,” I have never done karaoke.
Samantha Campos is currently on a spiritual path that does not involve going to India or eating dirt. MTW